They were asked to pay between £2.50 and £15 according to their ability to pay, which raised about £180. That didn't cover the whole cost but covered quite a lot of it.
She explained that after the death of her husband in 2015, her income was halved and Christmas dinner wasn't so easily afforded. Also, why should the host bear the full financial burden of a slap-up meal?
She says some people have accused her of being a Scrooge, but her friends thought it was a good idea.
I'm a bit divided about this. Yes, she shouldn't have to bear the entire cost of Christmas dinner, especially when there are additional costs for Christmas decorations, Christmas presents, and no doubt plenty of alcohol.
A lot of people get themselves into heavy debt to pay for Christmas, so maybe asking for some help towards the cost is simply sensible.
On the other hand, isn't there a more informal way of covering the cost? Couldn't she just have a quiet word with the attendees and say a contribution to the expense would be much appreciated?
And why is she always the host? Couldn't some other family members host the Christmas dinner?
Apparently quite a few families already make a charge for Christmas dinner. With more and more people facing the rocketing cost of living and finding the price of even everyday meals quite challenging, never mind Christmas, this may be an idea whose time has come.
How else to make ends meet?
Pic: Caroline Duddridge
Maybe she's the only family member who can cook! It's a lot of work, doing the full Christmas dinner malarkey - she should charge more and give a discount to those willing to do prep and washing up.
ReplyDeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: Not a bad idea re discount. I know people who happily cater for vast family gatherings. How they manage it I don't know.
DeleteGood questions, every one. She could also assign specific side dishes/desserts to everyone, and ask that everyone bring their own drink. However, if they all showed up, then it seems they are fine with the method she chose to cover the costs. To each their own, I guess. If she did all the work, that's certainly a gift in itself.
ReplyDeleteColette: Asking everyone to bring food and drink obviously makes things easier. But as you say, they seem to be happy to chip in towards the cost.
DeleteShe has chosen to host the meal, so should NOT expect others to pay for it. So many more resonable options to my way of thinking. My own family used to always rotate who hosted the family Christmas Eve gathering and everyone brought something. The host did the meat and maybe a side and everyone else brought a side and or desert; but everyone always brings their own selection of alcohol. We no longer rotate it, as the family has gotten so large. The smallest number is 21 and if extended family make it's 30. Only 2 people have a house big enough to host that many people which includes lots of young kids running around, so the two with large houses take turns, but we all still bring sides. I did a large salad, and green bean casserole and my egg casseroles for everyone to take home for their Christmas morning breakfast.
ReplyDeleteSandy: That all sounds very sensible, especially bringing your own alcohol as that's a heavy expense. Providing food for an extended family of 30 is quite an undertaking!
DeleteWhen we did family Christmas we had the largest house and would sort it...I prefered to do it myself as that way I knew I had all I needed and had it in time. The family would bring the drinks...though with some of them - and not those short of money - you could be sure it would be something cheap and not all that cheerful. When we moved to France we would be invited for Christmas Eve to friends' houses and, like other guests, would be asked to bring something specific. If you're short of cash best to say so and work out among those coming how to deal with it..either money or other contributions.
ReplyDeleteFly: Yes, doing it yourself does have the advantage of being fully in control of the arrangements. And yes also, best to be honest and say you're short of cash and others need to make a contribution.
DeleteIt's very odd to me to charge. Why not ask each family member to contribute a dish or two to the meal? However, at some point, you do get to the age where it's overwhelming to make these big meals, as well as the clean up before and after. Adult children do not always realize this.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Asking family members to bring a dish or two seems like the best solution. Asking for money does seem a bit mercenary, however justified. And yes, those present should be helping with the massive clean up afterwards.
DeleteFor my Dave's family every one contributes food. Mine is deviled eggs and his is homemade pumpkin pies. The hostess makes the meat and others bring vegetables, salads, and breads. We always meet at his sisters house because hers is the only one big enough. I do remember, however, the year we were at my Dad's house and he had to tell my step-sisters and me that we were no longer the kids so we should get into the kitchen and help. That was a shock to realize. :)
ReplyDeleteLinda Sand
Linda: Yes, that must have been a bit of a shock, having to help out after years of laziness!
DeleteShe could have said it was going to be a pot luck and assigned people a dish to bring.
ReplyDeleteMary: That's the most obvious solution.
DeleteMoney is a real problem and why should always the same person organise the Christmas dinner ? Afford the money for 11 persons seems quite a lot. If everybody brings a dish it would be much easier. Not good to put ones legs under a "dressed" table . We are not religious Jews and at our old age have no need of buying things we host a dinner in our home for about 50 homeless people. Everyone gets a little gift and the smile on their faces is the greatest gift we get back.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Wish you and Jenny a peaceful and Happy New Year 2023.
Hannah: That's wonderful that you give so many homeless people a Christmas dinner and a gift. And yes, no real need for presents at our age as we have all the things we want.
DeleteThanks for the good wishes. The same to you and your husband.
We weren't lazy. We were kids who were told to stay out of the way of the women preparing the meal. So, it was a shock to be told we were now the women expected to serve the meal.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: Oh I see, you were keen to help but were told to keep out of the kitchen because you'd be more of a hindrance than a help!
DeleteObviously her guests are nostalgic about her house and cooking so I understand their need to be at her house. What she has done is reasonable but my only surprise was that they seemed to have been unaware of her straitened circumstances once her partner died. Charging them is giving them a reality check.
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WWW
PS Happy New Year to you and Jenny, Nick.
www: Yes, you'd think they might have realised she needed a bit of financial support given her reduced income.
DeleteAnd a Happy New Year to you too.
Why does she have to be the one to host every year? Why can't that chore and expense be shared among those 16 people?
ReplyDeletePeace Thyme: My thoughts too. One of them at least must have a house big enough to take the whole family.
DeleteI used to love hosting Christmas dinner when I was married, my daughters were at home, family and in laws, but there were never more than 12. Now there are less of us I don't do it as often. I don't think I would ask for money but would ask for food and/or alcohol contributions. Happy New Year to you and Jenny.
ReplyDeletePolly: This seems to be the general consensus, that the host should ask the attendees to bring some food or alcohol. Happy New Year to you!
DeleteHosting any meal for a large gathering can be costly, more so now. Assigning/asking those attending to bring a specific item like an appetizer, side dish, dessert seems like a better plan. This way everyone shares in the meal planning. Also, if the adults brought a wine of their choice it could reduce the cost.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: Yes, asking your guests to bring a specific item seems like the best plan.
DeleteI read this story and found it a bit odd but it seems to be working for all parties and that's the aim of the game, right?
ReplyDeleteMy family don't drink alcohol so that's an expense saved and we all chip in with something but the host generally pays for the protein which can be quite a large cost.
I threw a party for mums 80th last year and despite both my siblings saying they would chip in, the money never came. Life has taught me a few things though and I had made sure to plan it in a way I could afford if they didnt help out :)
Kylie: That's bad that your siblings never paid up despite their promises. A good thing you allowed for their default when you were planning the party.
DeleteIt sounds to me as if she's had enough of her family turning up and taking everything she offers. Or maybe that one brings champagne and crackers and another brings a small box of after-dinner mints, though the latter has the bigger income. If her whole family did the decent thing - they'd know that her income was diminished - they'd have offered to chip in already. That she had to ask doesn't necessarily tell against all of them, but it does against someone.
ReplyDeleteZ: Yes, she shouldn't have had to ask for a contribution in the first place.
DeleteA fixed charge is not something I could ever contemplate but I am in the fortunate position of being able to afford to do lunch for lots. This year I did the turkey and roasties and Elder Son brought all the veg. And very nice it was too.
ReplyDeleteLiz: That sounds like a good arrangement. A fixed charge definitely looks over-the-top, even if her family seem okay with it.
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