There's a difference of opinion about shyness. Some people say it's just selfish, leaving the conversational effort to other people and not offering anything yourself. But you could equally say that chatterboxes are selfish because they hog all the conversation and deter others from speaking.
Is shyness selfish or is it an inherent personality trait that you can't overcome however hard you try? You may really want to gabble away, but you just can't manage to?
Perhaps it's partly that the outgoing types hold opinions and beliefs so passionately that they just have to explain them to other people, while my own opinions are more flimsy and provisional and I'm not confident about airing them?
Perhaps also I'm much more interested in other people's lives, which are full of surprises and fascinating revelations, while my own life seems far too humdrum and routine to appeal to anyone else? Listening to others comes more naturally than talking about myself.
Then again, I'm often rendered shy by anyone who's intimidating or overbearing and doesn't seem to respect me.
Being shy isn't the same as being introverted of course. Shyness means not having the confidence or the ingenuity to chatter away easily, while introversion means enjoying your own company more than the company of others.
So if I enjoy both, what does that make me?
Can one be shy and an extrovert?
ReplyDeleteYes.
DeleteBijoux and Jean: I think so. You find it hard to open up, but you enjoy other people's company.
DeleteI don't consider myself shy. However, unless I have something to contribute, I stay quiet.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: I always wonder if my contributions are going to interest people or send them to sleep.
DeleteI think I'm more introvert than shy.
ReplyDeleteMary: That's what I thought. You engage with other people easily enough if you have to.
DeleteI think I am also more introvert than shy. I can now switch off when in the company of the overbearing - to be fair they aren't particularly interested in what I say so it doesn't matter if I don't listen!
ReplyDeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: I switched off recently when a very overbearing male latched on to me. I just kept monosyllabic.
DeleteI don't understand why some people think shyness is selfish? Isn't it just the way someone is?
ReplyDeleteColette: To some extent, I guess. But I think it can also be to do with the way you were brought up.
DeleteI am the perfect definition of an introvert! I think I always was and have not changed. If friends or acquaintances do not understand, over time I try to help them understand how I am so that I don't loose their friendship but so that they understand when I say, "no".
ReplyDeletePeace Thyme: Some people are very disconcerted by a person who is sometimes silent, sometimes talkative.
DeleteAs a child, I was taught I had nothing to say that was worth others hearing. I am still surprised as an adult when I get kudos for sharing my thoughts. But, I mostly share those thoughts online so I don't have to see other people's responses. That's the main reason I am such a hermit nowadays.
ReplyDeleteForgot to sign it again.
DeleteLinda Sand
Linda: I agree about the advantage of commenting online, free of an immediate audience. When I was a child, it was common to say children should be seen and not heard. What a ridiculous idea!
DeleteInteresting food for thought. I think I've always thought shyness was being an introvert. I've heard people talked about shyness as a lack of maturity when thinking about grade school children. "They'll outgrow it". I've never been shy. Everyone considers me an extrovert, but I think it's important to draw others into the conversation. That way the person isn't hogging the conversation.
ReplyDeleteSandy: Some people outgrow shyness but others don't. Shyness has a lot to do with trusting other people to accept me and not be judgmental.
DeleteI was told a long time ago - and gently - that shyness was another word for being self-centred and I had to work on my own shyness. It helped me tremendously as it's all about giving and received and not judging oneself and withholding oneself. I watched others and how they were handling themselves, poking fun at themselves, etc. And I learned that we're all the same, all navigating our place in the world and needing the support of others.
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www: I've worked on my shyness but I haven't made much progress. I do judge myself and withhold myself, however hard I try not to.
DeleteI would consider myself somewhere between an introvert and an extrovert if that's possible, Nick. Spending alone time has never bothered me, but I do try and reach out to people especially when I've not heard from them for a while or sense they need contact. I will contribute to a conversation, unless the topic or the person(s) are not to my liking.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: As you say, if the person I'm talking to or whatever they're saying makes me feel uncomfortable, my likely response is to dry up and say nothing.
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