It's extroverts who oil the wheels of social activity, chatting to people, making connections, keeping things going. Introverts on the other hand, by keeping to themselves and avoiding contact with others, aren't keeping anything going but are leaving other people to do the social donkey work.
And I say that as an introvert myself. Of course I can make all the usual excuses for my behaviour. I was brought up in a very anti-social household, I just happen to be an introvert and that's hard to change, or most social events are banal and tedious so why bother to attend them?
But perhaps instead of trotting out the familiar excuses (which no doubt extroverts are sick of hearing), I should figure out how to engage other people and make more connections with them?
I sometimes imagine what life would be like if most people were introverts and only a few were extroverts. It would surely be a disaster. Everyone keeping to themselves and ignoring other people. Social activities fading away. Nobody to promote new initiatives. And the remaining extroverts afraid of being too exuberant or talking too much or generally alienating the introverts.
Am I being too hard on myself? Am I exaggerating the downside of introversion? Am I exaggerating the benefits of extroversion? Am I conveniently ignoring those extroverts who love the sound of their own voice and jabber away non-stop? Am I ignoring those extroverts who are simply tactless and embarrassing?
The jury's still out. I'm still mulling it all over. So watch this space.
PS: I think I might be a sort of shy extrovert - an underlying extrovert who's shy about letting my extroversion rip.
Too many generalizations, Nick. And please don't forget that some who call themselves introverted are just shy.
ReplyDeleteWe are all on a spectrum. I have many traits of the introverted, many traits of the extroverted. So what am I? A chameleon? Anyway, what's with all the labelling? Call me ambivert or, here is an idea, bi-vert.
Main thing in life is to be who we are without gazing at our individual navels in detail. I suppose "not self- conscious" is the word I am looking for. So much less agony, so much more charming.
U
Ursula: Not so much labels, just a handy way of describing people. Like saying I'm smug or naive. I don't think I'm navel-gazing, just looking at the sort of person I am and how I relate to others.
DeleteIsn’t it good to be different? The world would be boring if we were all the same.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: But within those broad labels, extroverts and introverts are all different. Thank goodness.
DeleteI think extroverts and introverts need each other or we'd all go off our respective deep ends.
ReplyDeleteColette: You've got a point. I certainly need Jenny, who is more of an extrovert.
DeleteI'm sorry but I totally disagree. I can say that as another introvert. I, more and more, detest social occasions where people talk about their families, work, the weather, the cost of everything, etc. Mostly tho, I can take a little of those same people when it is one on one. But show me a classroom or a library or a charity that needs a helping hand and I am there. Especially if children are involved. They say truth and wear their feelings on their sleeves. No banal chatter!
ReplyDeletePeace Thyme: Well, I certainly detest vacuous, banal conversations, but that's a different issue. I'm intimidated by large gatherings but if I'm just with one or two other people, I can relax and chat quite easily.
DeleteI've seen you post about this many times, so it seems to be niggling you. Acceptance is one of the keys to a happy life. Iyamwhoiyam as Popeye had it. I call myself a gregarious loner. All in all I prefer to be alone, in solitude but not lonely. A totally different kettle of fish.
ReplyDeleteEmbrace the differences of humans and behaviours.
What did Philip Larkin say again? *smile*.
XO
WWW
www: It does niggle me. It's awkward when I don't know what to say to people and there's an awkward silence. I do embrace human differences, that's what makes people so fascinating.
DeleteAs an introvert I can safely say you're definitely being too hard on yourself!
ReplyDeleteLiz: I suspect I am. If I'm an engrained introvert, nothing much I can do about it!
DeleteI actually have a list of things on my computer to help me start conversations on the rare occasion when I socialize. Without them, I sit silently until someone says something I can relate to. That's one reason I like to read blogs--someone else starts the conversation. And I never have to make sense of body language. :)
DeleteLinda Sand
Linda: A list of conversation topics sounds naff but it's a good idea and I think I'll draw up a similar list. I agree with you about blogs. Much easier to participate if you've got time to think of responses and there's no body language to interpret.
DeleteI don't know what to say to people and there's an awkward silence.
ReplyDeleteAlways ask questions to get them talking, and then this should lead to a natural conversation. Compliments also oil the wheels.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: Asking questions can be awkward if you don't know the person and don't want to ask questions they might find intrusive.
DeleteYou can ask questions about 'light' subjects - like TV, books, and films - or about something quirky that's been in the news. It shouldn't be an interrogation! You're just looking for common ground!
DeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: But you can't just walk up to someone and ask them what's their favourite TV programme. Or maybe you can....
DeleteCrikey, you are hard work sometimes!
DeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: That's why I'm trying to be more sociable and easier to talk to!
DeleteMary says: "I'm an introvert too and I'm ok with that."
ReplyDeleteMary: Sometimes I'm okay with being an introvert, but at other times I think other people are unfairly "carrying the load" as it were.
Deletewhat do you do for fun?
ReplyDeletewhat have you been watching lately?
what's coming up for the rest of the day/ week/ year?
These are the questions i revert to and i'm not even an introvert.
I know introverts who never bother to reply to messages, don't make any effort to see friends and essentially live in their introvert bubble. I know other introverts who are sociable, take responsibility for maintaining relationships and just design their activities to be easier on them (small gatherings, definite exit strategies, allowing recovery time)
so yes, there are introverts who hide behind it and let the extroverts do the donkey work. i think they are making excuses.
I am very much borderline. I seem to basically be an extrovert but becoming more introverted as time goes on. I'm sick to death of hearing how hard it is to be an introvert. They say the whole world is designed for extroverts blah blah blah. Cry me a river
Kylie: Some good questions there, I must take note of them. Introverts who don't respond to messages (or anything much else) are infuriating. Indeed, moaning about the way introverts are treated is childish and self-indulgent. As you say, cry me a river.
ReplyDeleteYou posed some interesting points, Nick, and there is nothing wrong with being an introvert, extrovert or a mix in between which I consider myself to be. I enjoy spending time along even though I have a partner who thankfully also likes being alone as we each have our own interests and then mutual ones. He is much more of a talker than myself. I prefer to be more the listener at times.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: Jenny and I are the same, sometimes we do things together, sometimes we pursue our own personal interests. Re talking, I much prefer listening to others rather than doing the talking. After all, I know everything about myself but there's lots to know about other people.
DeleteI think you are probably a secret extrovert, but perhaps your upbringing discouraged you from exploring that side of yourself. You certainly engage with a lot of people via your blog, and usually get a good dialogue going with them. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteJenny: Yes, as I suggested, a shy extrovert. The fact that I've aired so much of myself on a blog for 15 years strongly points to extrovert tendencies.
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