Desperate measures

Thousands more young adults are living with their parents because they can't afford to live indepen-dently. Property prices and rental fees have rocketed while salaries have barely risen, and if they're living on their own they just can't make ends meet.

I'm glad I never had to consider living with my parents. When I was a young adult there were still plenty of affordable rentals and I could live on my own quite easily. I did so for 6½ years, and most of the people I knew were equally self-reliant.

I couldn't possibly have moved in with my parents, they had very different personalities and opinions, and we'd have fallen out rapidly. As it was, I was estranged from my father for many years so living with him was never a realistic option anyway.

Apart from anything else, if  I'd been under my parents' roof, I'd have had a very restrained existence. I couldn't stay out late and get back in the small hours as it would have woken them up. I couldn't get drunk as they didn't approve of alcoholic excess. I couldn't have had friends round as they were somewhat anti-social. It would never have worked.

Some parents are happy to have their children living with them again. They don't like being "empty-nesters" and can't adjust to a half-empty house. Other parents are glad to have the house to themselves and only reluctantly allow their children to return. My parents would definitely have been the latter.

Hotel Mum and Dad has never been more popular.

Over the top

It seems that elaborate weddings aren't going out of favour but are more popular than ever, and many attendees are complaining about how much money they're expected to fork out.

There are often complaints that they're expected to spend way more than they spent on their own wedding, especially if the wedding takes place not locally but in some distant location, requiring flights and hotels.

Expenses can include the wedding gift, maybe a bridesmaid dress, bridal shower gift, and hair and make-up.

"Why are we normalising this behaviour?" said one bridesmaid. "I'm so happy to celebrate my friend's special day, but it's getting out of hand. What happened to just getting together a few days before the wedding to celebrate?"

As most of you will know, Jenny and I had the exact opposite of a grand wedding. We married in the local registry office with just two witnesses, and then the four of us went out for a celebratory meal. We would never have expected our friends to lash out huge sums to attend an over-the-top wedding.

I would have thought that with the escalating cost of living, people would spend as little as they could on their wedding and save as much cash as possible for future expenses like buying a house. But no, they want to get hitched in style.

And do those fancy weddings work or do they end in tears? In a survey of 4,000 married couples, more than 50% said they'd felt regret at some point in their marriage. They thought they'd married the wrong person, or the love was never mutual, or their partner's personality changed.

Personally I've never had any regrets. Luckily Jenny and I clicked right from the start.

Unwanted cats

How very sad. People are abandoning their cats like never before and cat shelters and charities are overwhelmed with the sheer number of cats - and kittens - coming through their doors.

The cats are being abandoned for various reasons. Because their owners can no longer afford them, what with the cost of living shooting up and veterinary fees rocketing. Because the owners just didn't realise how much attention they need. Because they've had kittens. Because they're over-active and disruptive. Because of a move to accommodation that forbids pets.

Many of the cats were bought during the pandemic lockdown to keep people occupied, which was fine until the reality of looking after a pet struck home and the cat was no longer welcome.

Jenny and I have never kept a cat, mainly because of the care and attention it would demand, which is okay if you're happy with that commitment but not otherwise. I love cats and I love seeing them when I'm out and about, but I love them strictly at a distance. If I did have a cat, I'm sure it would be disappointed with my minimal level of fondling and stroking.

Many cats don't warm to me anyway. Most of them run a mile when they see me. I've no idea why - is it my height, my glasses, or some strange vibe I'm putting out? The odd thing is that a small number of cats, far from running away, are ultra-friendly and keen to be petted.

People acquiring cats may not realise just what they're taking on. Cats can live up to 20 years, and like humans can develop a range of medical conditions as they age - like dental disease, arthritis, incontinence and loss of muscle strength. They're no light-hearted hobby.

Back home

I never considered moving back to my parents' house as a young adult, but more and more children are doing so as the cost of living crisis continues.

The number of adult children living with their parents in the UK has jumped to five million, with more than half those aged 19 to 23 doing so.

Parents aren't necessarily happy about it, if they've got used to having the home for themselves. And they may be distressed that their child is finding life so difficult.

I never thought of returning to the parental home, as I'd never been close to my parents, and as my father had taken an active dislike to me. We'd have driven each other nuts in no time. In any case, I would have felt very restricted by having always to allow for my parents' attitudes and scrutiny.

Also there was no cost of living crisis at the time (the seventies in London). My year as an undergraduate was paid for by the state so I had no outstanding student loans. I lived in a rented bed sit with minimal costs for gas and electricity. I didn't need a car as public transport was excellent. My salary was more than adequate. So there was nothing to make reverting to the parental home a serious option.

So what if I'd got on famously with my parents and my financial situation was dire, would I have moved back in with them? Maybe. But I'd have to have got on with them extremely well. And how many children get on with their parents extremely well (as opposed to somehow rubbing along)? Not that many, from what I can gather.

The cost of Christmas

A Cardiff woman, Caroline Duddridge, who regularly hosts Christmas dinner for her 11-strong family, was finding the cost quite a financial strain. So she hit on a novel solution - charging them for the meal.

They were asked to pay between £2.50 and £15 according to their ability to pay, which raised about £180. That didn't cover the whole cost but covered quite a lot of it.

She explained that after the death of her husband in 2015, her income was halved and Christmas dinner wasn't so easily afforded. Also, why should the host bear the full financial burden of a slap-up meal?

She says some people have accused her of being a Scrooge, but her friends thought it was a good idea.

I'm a bit divided about this. Yes, she shouldn't have to bear the entire cost of Christmas dinner, especially when there are additional costs for Christmas decorations, Christmas presents, and no doubt plenty of alcohol.

A lot of people get themselves into heavy debt to pay for Christmas, so maybe asking for some help towards the cost is simply sensible.

On the other hand, isn't there a more informal way of covering the cost? Couldn't she just have a quiet word with the attendees and say a contribution to the expense would be much appreciated?

And why is she always the host? Couldn't some other family members host the Christmas dinner?

Apparently quite a few families already make a charge for Christmas dinner. With more and more people facing the rocketing cost of living and finding the price of even everyday meals quite challenging, never mind Christmas, this may be an idea whose time has come.

How else to make ends meet?

Pic: Caroline Duddridge

Who needs presents?

 

Journalist Allison Pearson says she's lost count of the number of people who have told her they're not buying or expecting presents for Christmas. Gifts for the children, yes, but not for adult relatives or friends.

When so many people are watching the pennies because of the cost of living crisis, having to exchange Christmas presents is an expense they could do without. And how many people even appreciate the pricy gifts they're presented with?

I think she's right. Yes, children expect presents and will be sorely disappointed if they don't get any. But adults don't need presents. Allison would rather people brought a bit of food and drink, or simply loaded the dishwasher. That would be warmly welcomed.

Jenny and I decided some time ago not to give each other presents for Christmas or birthdays. We were always racking our brains for something suitable and drawing a blank. We realised that all we really wanted at Christmas was just some tasty food, a glass or two of wine, something entertaining on the telly, and a few games of Scrabble. Presents weren't necessary.

Lots of people get into huge debts at Christmas because they feel obliged to give presents to all and sundry but simply can't afford it. Then they spend months trying to pay off the debts and maybe failing to do so. But media images of Christmas, with vast piles of presents under a Christmas tree, perpetuate the idea that it's normal to give presents and not giving any is unthinkable.

Well, perhaps we would start thinking the unthinkable.