The same old flaws

I love reading, but I get annoyed seeing the same old flaws over and over again. Why aren’t editors picking them up? For example:

 ·        Endings that leave half a dozen plot strands unresolved. I mean, what happened to Wendy? Did she finally leave Tom or did they kiss and make up? And what about Sophie? Did she ever kick her heroin habit?
·         A constant parade of uninteresting minor characters who're instantly forgettable and add nothing to the plot. Why not leave them all out?
·         A plot so complex and full of twists and turns that it's impossible to keep track if you have a poor memory and an IQ less than 250.
·         A pretentious writing style that equates obscure words and references with literary merit and equates simplicity with lack of imagination.
·         Numerous flash-forwards and flash-backs that leave me thoroughly confused and wondering which day or year or century we're currently in.
·         Stories told by several different narrators which never quite come together and leave gaping holes in the plot that nobody ever explains.
·         A book that would have been perfect at 300 pages, but the author thought it needed another 200 pages to do justice to their literary brilliance.
·         Amazing coincidences and lucky breaks that miraculously save a character from a sticky end. A £50,000 inheritance from a long-forgotten aunt or the sudden discovery of an identical twin sister living in Sidcup.

But despite all the flaws, I always have a book on the go and plenty more ready to be read. A few flaws won’t stop me.

Trawling menus

Some guy in an agony aunt column was complaining that when he and his partner are planning to go to a restaurant, she pores through dozens of restaurant menus first to decide which one to go to. She won’t just turn up at a restaurant and see what’s on offer.
 
The guy has tried to shake her out of this laborious searching but she insists it’s just sensible to study a whole batch of menus first so they’ll get what they want.
 
Also, as they’re both vegetarian, she studies the menus to ensure they offer a range of veggie dishes – or at least one or two acceptable options.
 
I’m with the guy’s partner. Not studying a few menus first is a bit like taking pot luck at the cinema without looking at what’s showing.
 
And yes, there’s the vegetarian angle. If there’s only one dull veggie choice on one of the menus, you can steer clear and go somewhere better.
 
Not that Jenny and I eat out very often, it’s getting so expensive. But that makes it more important to study what’s on offer in advance so we’ll enjoy our meal.

Smooth and hairless

We aren’t supposed to talk about body hair. Either you have it or you haven’t and that’s that. You might have problems with it but nobody wants to know about that.
 
Fair enough for blokes because we’re allowed to have as much body hair as we want, including beards and moustaches. Some men would even say the hairier the better. But other men like to remove their body hair and that’s fine as well.
 
Very different for women, who’re expected to have no body hair whatever and keep themselves permanently smooth and hairless. So they have to spend time waxing and shaving and plucking and electrolysing until they’re as smooth as a baby’s bottom.
 
But I’ve known several women who complained frequently that they had prolific body hair and it drove them mad trying to get rid of it all. They would wear clothes that completely covered their body and hid the offending hair.
 
Why can’t we just decide for ourselves what to do with our body hair? Either leave it as it is or remove it all, as we wish?
 
Personally I have very little body hair so it doesn’t bother me. But if I was one of those heavily hirsute males I’d definitely want to get rid of it all. It might be hugely laborious but the truth is I would want to be as smooth as a baby’s bottom.

Forever buying

I’ve never been a compulsive shopper. I don’t understand people who are forever window-shopping and looking for something to buy.
 
My attitude to clothing (probably a typical male attitude) is to wait till something is falling apart, then go to the shops and buy a replacement. Easy peasy.
 
I don’t buy things because I like the look of them (except for clothes), I don’t buy things because they’ve been recommended by someone or because they might come in handy. In general I’m strictly guided by need and need alone.
 
I do buy a lot of books, but that’s also prompted by need – the need for pleasure. Or maybe the need for mental exercise.
 
Jenny finds this strict approach to shopping rather odd, but on the other hand she envies how quickly my shopping is done. She can deliberate for weeks on a possible purchase before finally buying it.
 
I know that for some people impulsive shopping can provide a powerful rush of excitement or euphoria when they’re feeling a bit depressed, though that usually doesn’t last very long.
 
My mum was a compulsive shopper and, as regular readers will know, when she died her flat was piled high with a mountain of random purchases, many of which she had never actually worn or used. She couldn’t resist anything that seemed like a bargain.

False assumptions

Are we more or less fearful as we get older? I tend to assume we become more fearful and that children are less fearful because their parents protect them from harm. But is that true?
 
Actually there are plenty of things to be afraid of as a child. School bullies, strict headmasters, violent men, vicious dogs, thunderstorms, bad dreams, you name it.
 
I think we oldies don’t have more fears, just different ones. I‘m afraid of living so long I run out of money. I’m afraid of thuggish-looking men. I’m afraid of doing something careless when I’m driving. I’m afraid of saying something stupid or embarrassing.
 
Of course my childhood is so far away that it’s hard to recall any particular fears. I was scared of my bad-tempered father and scared of a local boy who used to taunt me as I walked past, and yes, I was scared of school bullies. Other than that, I can’t remember any other fears.
 
I’m a bit dubious about people who say they don’t have any fears. Can that really be true? In this dangerous world we inhabit nowadays, how could they be so blissfully immune?

Risk taking

I'm a very risk-averse person. I know men are assumed to be natural risk-takers, but not me. Life is full of risks as it is. Why take unnecessary risks that could end in disaster?
 
I’ve only taken big risks if I could see a pay off. I’ve taken on hefty mortgages so I could own property and stop paying rent I’d never get back again.
 
I moved from London to Belfast because it had a more relaxed lifestyle than congested, over-populated London. Jenny and I took a big gamble quitting our jobs before we moved but we both found good jobs in Belfast.
 
It was a bit of a shot in the dark deciding to move in with Jenny. It could have ended badly but it turned out to be the right decision.
 
But I’d never take risks just for the hell of it. I’ve never tried rock-climbing or bungee jumping or sky-diving. I’ve read about wives who are terrified whenever their spouse takes part in some highly dangerous activity. I wouldn’t want Jenny to be scared stiff.

I think the biggest risk I could take would be a life-or-death operation - one that could either save my life or kill me. I think I'd take my chances and hope for the best.

Better or worse?

We’re fond of saying that life is better now than it was X decades ago, and aren’t we lucky to be living today? But are we?
 
I’ve always rejected nostalgia on the basis that it idealises the past and overlooks all the things we disliked.
 
But when I look back at the sixties and seventies, when I was growing up, actually a lot of things were better than they are now.
 
Everything was a lot simpler. Instead of having to navigate complicated and frustrating websites, you could ring someone up and they’d help you out. Rents were more affordable. There were more jobs available. Salaries were higher. You didn’t need dozens of passwords and login details. You didn’t have to worry about scams and cyber attacks.
 
People say, but what about all the racism and sexism and homophobia? There’s a lot less of all that than there used to be. Well, yes, they’ve declined but they’re still very evident. If anything misogyny is on the increase, with social media full of the most horrendous abuse and hatred.
 
I doubt if many of today’s young people would say life is better than it used to be. They’re having to negotiate very tough circumstances, and their mental health is suffering. Nostalgia is totally understandable.

Giddily elated

The latest controversy to involve the Royal Family is a splendid example of how irresponsible and sensationalist the media can be.
 
We’re told that in an excerpt from his new book, Diana’s brother Earl Spencer claims that after Diana’s death Prince Charles seemed “giddily elated”, sounded like a lottery winner and said “We’ll forget her soon enough”.
 
Apparently this was part of a conversation that Earl Spencer had almost thirty years ago. Can a thirty-year-old memory really be reliable?
 
This damaging claim has been splashed all over the media as if it’s the truth, but nobody has confirmed his account and the media aren’t pointing out that it’s highly contentious and possibly total nonsense.
 
Presumably the media are splashing this dubious accusation because they know their readers love this sort of wild gossip, especially if it concerns the Royal Family. Personally I have no time for the Royal Family but I don’t see why they should be subjected to such casual slander.
 
People may say Oh, but if you’re a member of the Royal Family you have to expect abuse and vilification and you just have to suck it up. Well, I disagree.

Willing recruits

A lot of the world’s conflicts could be ended quite quickly if it wasn’t for all the willing recruits who for one reason or another are prepared to join up and fight.

Why are they willing to sign up? Why are they ready to be cannon-fodder, ready to risk their lives for some dubious objective?

All sorts of reasons are given for joining up. It’s their patriotic duty, it’s an important cause, it’ll make a man of them, they’ll be looked after, and so on.

I’m very thankful I was born too late to be conscripted. I would almost certainly have been a conscientious objector.

Even if they aren’t killed, they could end up seriously disabled and unable to enjoy life as they used to do. What can be worth that outcome?

Over half a million Russians have died in the cause of territorial expansion. Just think of all the grieving families they leave behind.

Furthermore a lot of veterans are virtually ignored after “serving their country”. They can no longer get the support they need but are left to rebuild their lives as best they can. They feel neglected and discarded. It's shameful.

Pants are okay

A victory for common sense etc. After the education minister had resisted the change for many months, girls in Northern Ireland schools are finally being allowed to wear trousers. The change will start from the next academic year.

It’s extraordinary that it’s taken so long to introduce a such a basic option, with politicians offering all sorts of dubious reasons for insisting on skirts.

I took part in the consultation on whether trousers should be permitted, and of course  I said that trousers are more practical in a number of ways.
 
Apart from anything else it should cut down on unwanted male attention, not just in school but outside.
 
Women’s clothes are subjected to constant comment, often negative, while men’s clothes attract much less scrutiny.
 
It’s amusing to imagine a reverse situation in which men had to wear skirts, and how angry they would get with any salacious reactions. They would soon be lobbying for a change in the dress code.

Ripped off

I knew that people habitually steal items from restaurants, but I had no idea it happened on such a huge scale.
 
Just about anything in a restaurant will be stolen sooner or later – cutlery, cups, glassware, plates, salt and pepper shakers, condiment bottles, soaps and lotions. Even tips left on tables can be stolen.
 
Well, Jenny and I are scrupulously honest and never steal anything. Partly because we would feel so deceitful and partly because we know restaurants operate on very tight margins and could do without the cost of replacements.
 
Why are people happy to indulge in such petty theft as if it’s the most normal thing in the world? They can easily afford to buy what they’re stealing so why steal? Do they just like the frisson of doing something they shouldn’t?
 
Not to mention the “dine and dash” types who have a hearty meal and then sneak out of the restaurant without paying. No doubt they entertain their friends with stories of how they got the better of extortionate prices. No doubt they could easily swallow the prices but fancy the cheap thrill of ripping someone off and being five-minute rebels.
 
No, I’m not being sanctimonious. Just a decent citizen.

People I admire

There are people I loathe. There are people I find baffling. There are people I don’t want anything to do with. But how about people I admire? For example:

• Greta Thunberg, for constantly stressing the need for urgent action over climate change.
• David Attenborough ditto. And at the age of one hundred!
• J K Rowling, for challenging the idea of sex changes and self-declared sexual identity.
• Surgeons, who perform the most hair-raising procedures every day.
• Nurses, for providing such excellent care for all the thousands of patients they come in contact with.
• Emergency workers in general who often work in very dangerous circumstances.
• Hannah Spencer MP for challenging alcohol-fuelled law-making in the House of Commons.
• Bonnie Raitt, for her always enjoyable music that goes back 55 years.
• Jess Philips MP for campaigning against misogyny and male violence.
• Malala Yousafzai, who was shot in the head by the Taliban in Pakistan for campaigning for girls’ education.
• Sir Tim Berners-Lee, who invented the World Wide Web.

There are no doubt many others whose names escape me just now. I’m sure you can suggest a few I’ve forgotten.

Pessimist moi?

Jenny (who’s a confirmed optimist) thinks I’m a pessimist because I seem to pay more attention to bad news than good news, and I tend to conjure up doomy scenarios.
 
I don’t think I’m a pessimist at all. If I pay more attention to bad news it’s because firstly it’s more dramatic and secondly I want to know what caused the bad news – the train crash or the botched operation or whatever.
 
If I think for example that the Prime Minister isn’t up to the job, that doesn’t strike me as pessimism but just a random opinion.
 
I don’t routinely think everything around me is going to end badly. I can just as well believe something will end well. Like a house purchase or an airline flight (I’ve never been afraid of flying).
 
But it’s hard not to be pessimistic when what’s happening around the world is so dreadful. I have to search hard for genuinely positive news.
 
In any case what others would call pessimistic, I just think of as pointing out reality. Should I refrain from mentioning something because it makes me look gloomy?

Noise mongers

There are proposals to crack down on people playing loud music and videos without headphones on UK public transport, as other passengers find it disturbing and inconsiderate.

I can’t say I’m especially bothered by loud noise on trains and buses, although I’d rather not have to listen to music I personally dislike.
 
In fact most passengers on public transport here in Northern Ireland are actually quite considerate and do wear headphones or keep the noise level down.
 
There are certainly more important things to complain about than noise mongers. Like buses that come late or not at all. Like buses with no luggage racks. Like the deterioration of public services generally.
 
What does annoy me is restaurants that aren’t designed to dampen conversations, so you have to virtually shout to make yourself heard against all the prevailing chatter.
 
Also of course the background musak that assaults you in so many restaurants, shops and other places. Polls say the majority of customers would prefer silence but for some reason they’re ignored and the music blares on regardless.

Is it real?

Much controversy over a TV programme on ADHD that suggested it isn’t a bona fide mental disorder but a “social construct” that isn’t real.
 
Neurologists and psychiatrists immediately weighed in to say yes of course it’s real and there’s plenty of evidence to back that up.
 
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is defined as a disorder marked by persistent symptoms of inattention, restlessness, forgetfulness and impulsivity (among other things).
 
By that definition I could almost have ADHD myself. I can certainly claim inattention, restlessness and forgetfulness. I’m very scatterbrained and find it hard to concentrate totally on what I’m reading or listening to. But there are other symptoms that don’t apply at all, so I have a sort of semi-ADHD.
 
But neurologists are puzzled as to why ADHD seems to be on the increase. Given all the possible symptoms (at least a dozen) I guess it could easily be diagnosed when like me someone has a fair number of the symptoms but not by any means all of them. Does it to some extent depend on a subjective assessment rather than clear clinical guidelines?
 
I guess this debate will run and run.

Hot and bothered

So there I was getting all worked up over a story about crazy Harry Potter fans making ridiculous demands, only to find that the story had been denounced as wholly fictitious.

The story was that a new power cable linking the UK national grid to Ireland had to be diverted because it was due to pass under the grave of a Harry Potter character, namely Dobby, the fictitious elf.

The construction company supposedly got hundreds of calls demanding the cable be rerouted to avoid “desecrating” the supposed grave.

I wondered straightaway if the story was genuine, because it was so far-fetched, but I couldn't find any correction anywhere. It appeared in several mainstream sources (BBC, Guardian, CNN, Irish Times etc), and was so full of convincing details (even naming the project manager) that I swallowed my doubts and ran with it.

And was totally fooled. Oh well, somebody must be laughing themselves stupid over how many people were taken in.

Privacy

People have very different attitudes to privacy, don’t they? Some take elaborate measures to avoid being subject to the slightest scrutiny, others couldn’t care less how much attention they attract.
 
Its common in Northern Ireland for people to keep their window blinds down permanently so nobody can see into their house. They also like huge hedges for the same reason. We had some old window blinds removed because we don’t care if people look into our windows. What harm is it going to do?
 
As for personal privacy, both Jenny and I prefer to use the bathroom in private without the other barging in. I know a lot of couples are quite happy to be intruded on but we’re not one of them.
 
There’s a lot of fuss about websites that harvest our personal data, but personally I can’t see what the problem is. I’m sure hundreds of websites have my personal data but so what? What interest can anyone possibly have in my utterly humdrum existence? It would be different if I had loads of pornography or bomb-making guides.
 
People can get a bit paranoid about privacy for no good reason.

Liverpool

So Jenny and I were in Liverpool for a few days, partly because we like Liverpool – the architecture, the river Mersey, the dockside – and partly to catch up with two old friends from Chester.
 
Of course there were one or two glitches and annoyances along the way, but travelling is never trouble-free.
 
We discovered that our hotel didn’t have air conditioning because that might have spoilt what was a grand old listed building. Luckily it wasn’t too hot and we had a good fan and also windows that opened.
 
Several museums and galleries were closed simultaneously for updating, which must have disappointed an awful lot of tourists. Why did they all have to be closed at once?
 
It was Beatles overkill, much more than on our previous visit. Everywhere we went there were references to the Beatles and Beatles-related merchandise – even Fab Four cafes. Are there not other famous people who’re associated with Liverpool?
 
I was bothered by a bit of back ache, which meant I couldn’t stand or walk around for too long, but that didn’t stop me enjoying things. I’m happy to say Liverpool hasn’t lost its appeal.

                                                       Taking a short break -  back soon

Needing water

About half of England is suffering a severe drought, brought about by a drastic decline in rainfall.
 
Northern Ireland has plenty of water, but large parts of England are dry as a bone with water in reservoirs at much lower levels than normal.
 
People are using water faster than it can be replenished. Some parts of Devon haven't had any rain for 50 consecutive days. England has had only 7 per cent of the expected rainfall in July. Some 40 per cent of the English population are under a hosepipe ban.
 
Farmers are especially concerned that they might run out of water and their crops will be affected.
 
It has been known for a long time that unrepaired leaky water pipes are wasting huge amounts of water, but little is done to seal the pipes.
 
Along with a water shortage, people in England are facing extreme heat waves that are hard to cope with. Companies are being urged to give their employees time off when it’s simply impossible to work because of the heat.
 
I imagine the USA is in a similar situation, but not as bad as England.