I've only hated two people in my entire life. My father for steadfastly refusing to accept I was an independent person and not a clone of himself. And a bookshop manager who micro-managed me for two years and put me through a distressing and unnecessary disciplinary procedure.
I think it's mainly because I don't see the point of hating people. What does it achieve? I'm not going to change the person concerned, or whatever personal quirks of theirs I find annoying or peculiar. I would simply create bad feeling and eat myself up with bitterness.
If I find someone rude, or condescending, or bossy, or hypercritical, I don't hate them for it. I just shrug my shoulders and work around whatever it is I dislike, or keep away from them.
Of course my lack of hatred is partly due to a fortunate life in the sort of respectable circles where most people have treated me decently. If my life had been rougher and I had been at the mercy of vicious, predatory thugs who cared nothing for my health or well-being, no doubt I would have hated them pretty quickly.
If I had been a victim of sex traffickers, or sweatshop bosses, or a brutal husband, or a barbaric religion, then it would be hard to avoid sheer, unadulterated hatred for the way I was being treated.
I certainly don't have it in me to hate complete strangers, people I've never met and know nothing about except what I read in the media. Why should I take the slightest interest in them, never mind cultivate such strong emotions on their behalf?
I wouldn't have been much good as a soldier....
I'm not sure that soldiers necessarily hate their enemy? They are trained to do a job, much in the same way that criminal solicitors are trained to defend people they may feel are guilty. Anyhow, what do I know?!
ReplyDeleteI've not hated anyone since I was 7, and that probably wasn't genuine hate!
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Ms Scarlet: But surely there has to be an element of hate in order to kill them? If you saw your opponents as human beings like yourself, with the same fears and aspirations etc, then how could you kill them?
ReplyDeleteYou haven't hated anyone since you were seven? That's remarkable. You must be a very magnanimous person!
Hatred towards people is pretty much an emotion that is foreign to me, as well. There have been people that I've strongly disliked, but I can't say that I hated them. To me, hatred is an emotion that includes hostility and loathing towards someone or something. I don't think I would be able to tolerate being around someone I truly hated. There has only been one person that I can recall that even comes close, though there are some I am unable to tolerate for other reasons.
ReplyDeleteI think I mean that soldiers are trained to defend their culture, people, from perceived threats. So hatred probably doesn't come into it. I am talking about British soldiers - I know even less about soldiers from other countries!
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Mike: Exactly, hostility and loathing. Sour, rancid emotions that accomplish nothing and damage your own well-being.
ReplyDeleteMs Scarlet: Sure, defending your own culture is part of it. But then again, maybe your enemy's culture is more like your own than you might think.
It is my opinion recruited soldiers undergo a brain training that leaves them mentally able to get on with soldiering. It also changes them for life.
ReplyDeleteHating is an emotionally disabling feeling. I don't know how to maintain such a feeling. Better to analyze it and settle into dislike and avoidance.
I know I've had a welter of conflicting emotions, I think about my father particularly and his treatment of me which was so breathtakingly cruel at times but I understood him at another level, his fear and insecurity, so that hatred would be too strong a word for him, almost a compassionate love.
ReplyDeleteDo I hate? I think I'd have to know someone personally to generate that kind of emotion for them and not have it loosely directed at Hitler, etc.
Dislike yes, But hate is passionate, almost violent, a huge waste of energy IMO.
Provocative post.
XO
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It's hard for me to define hate in comparison to dislike. I guess it's just a stronger feeling, where you want to see harm come to that person? I guess I felt that way about a few people during my school years who were particularly nasty to me, but as an adult, I've been fortunate like you to not have to deal with rotten people, for the most part.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: I think you're right about the brain training. That explains (in part) why ex-soldiers find it so hard to settle back into their previous lives, and often have PTSD. I also agree that hating is emotionally disabling.
ReplyDeletewww: I can understand you having conflicting emotions about your father. I wish I could say the same, but unfortunately compassionate love was beyond me.
Bijoux: I would see hate as an emotion so violent you don't see the other person as a person any more and don't care about their reactions or their humanness. You might even want them dead. It's a sort of emotional demolition job.
ReplyDelete"I think it's mainly because I don't see the point of hating people. What does it achieve?" You assume people are rational. As far as I can tell emotions/feelings come first and the rational part of our minds work to justify them. I don't hate anyone either, but that's the way I'm built, and one size doesn't fit all. There is a wide range of human personalities and experiences.
ReplyDeleteJean: Indeed, emotions come first. But you would think that if someone has those same emotions often enough, and they have no visible result except increased personal bitterness, they might try to stop hating people and find some better way of behaving. But as you say, there's a wide range of human personalities and not everyone is so reflective.
ReplyDeleteI had difficult people in my life but nothing that made me feel actual hatred I think. even my mother in law. we just never became friends. things like that happen and I suppose it's nobody's fault. it has take me until now to realize it! lol. WHAT??? you don't LIKE ME? what's WRONG WITH YOU!??? lolol.
ReplyDeleteI do find myself feeling a hatred for the incomprehensible things that people do to animals and small children. I have a very strong bond for beings that are innocent and cannot help themselves. when on the news or wherever I hear of them being tortured and barely surviving and things of that sort... that's when I feel actual hatred for the perpetrators. I refuse to think "they must be sick." they're sick alright. and they need to be put away. not just 'fined a certain amount of money!' so I suppose I'd have to say in those instances I do feel hatred. it's why I seldom watch the news. my blood pressure can't stand it!
Tammy: I also have a strong bond to anyone (or any animal) who's being mistreated. I'm always aware of the millions of people in the world who're far worse off than me, while I'm lucky enough to have a very comfortable life.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had the luxury of hating anybody in my life. Simply because I get far away from them as soon as I see signs of them being toxic. I have better things to do.
ReplyDeleteRamana: It was lucky you were able to get away from toxic people so easily. Unfortunately some people are trapped in the proximity of a harmful person and may find it difficult to escape from them.
ReplyDeleteMy father was mentally and emotionally abusive and I feared him but I don't remember ever feeling hate even for him.
ReplyDeleteRegarding soldiers, I agree that they are trained to do a job which does not necessarily mean being trained to hate.
Many of the "isms" are learned hate: racism, sexism, religious intolerance, etc. In the play/movie South Pacific there's a song about having to be carefully taught to hate. In those instances I think hate is really fear.
I agree, most prejudices are learnt and aren't innate. I also think prejudices are usually based on generalisations - black people are lazy, women are inferior to men, other religions are backward etc. I also agree that hate is usually a reaction to fear. It's an attempt to obliterate something you don't understand.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear your father was so abusive. A very common story unfortunately.
I do feel real hate for the politicians who are putting themselves first second and third. that's strange because I don't usually hate people. But maybe they deserve it.
ReplyDeleteJenny: The Cabinet and Tory MPs are making such an incredible mess of Brexit, it's staggering. They can't come to any agreed position on anything because they're all jockeying for position and trying to out-manoeuvre each other.
ReplyDeleteI think expending energy on hating is a waste. As you noted, if I experienced some of the horrendous treatment others have I don’t know how I might react.
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