It would all have ended in tears, as it sometimes does for other couples. Apparently around 10 per cent of couples who buy what's called a "fixer-upper" and embark on major structural alterations say they almost split up over it, and 7 per cent actually do.
It doesn't surprise me. I can just imagine the endless friction there would have been between Jenny and me over every little detail of the work to be done. We'd have very different visions of what the finished product would look like, and we would rapidly drive each other crazy trying to find some workable compromise.
When we lived in a mansion-block flat in London, we thought of updating the huge kitchen-diner, but then decided to move somewhere else.
We bought a house in south Belfast and considered building an extension on the back, but concluded we simply weren't up to the task (a) of finding a competent, reliable builder and (b) making sure they did exactly what we wanted, to the standard we wanted. We didn't think either of us could handle the huge stress and strain of getting it all done and getting it done properly.
When we were looking for our present house, we were adamant that any desirable building work and updating had already been done and we could just move in and enjoy our new home. No way would we saddle ourselves with a fixer-upper and goodness knows how many months and years of dust, rubble and upheaval as the builders tore the place apart.
We've never regretted our decision. I'm sure it's saved an awful lot of marital discord.
We put an addition on our last house in 2005. We generally agreed on design and decor, but having strangers tramp through your home for months is very trying. I think building a new home and having to make decisions about every room would be exhausting.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't like to build a new home from scratch, but have done the knocking through thing and have remodelled two kitchens. There was no marital discord - I reckon there would have been if we'd built from scratch though!
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Bijoux: I would hate to have a lot of strangers tramping through my home month after month. There were a lot of strangers tramping round the garden when we had it redone, but as they were all outside I barely noticed them.
ReplyDeleteMs Scarlet: The thought of building an entire house from scratch is horrific. We would never have lasted the course! We watch the TV programme Grand Designs, and you can see the emotional wear and tear as they deal with crisis after crisis.
Renovations aren't that awful. Go with the flow, keep on top of the work and be judicious with the money. Be prepared to wipe up a lot of left over dust.
ReplyDeleteI've gone through many renos and don't recall discord even when married as I was the boss as husband had no interest in any redesign. Other renos I was on my own so always focused on the end result and most contractors were respectful and laid plastic down or did the renos in my absence. I am finished with all that now of course, being a tenant.
ReplyDeleteYou were lucky to find space that you both liked. I usually had challenges (like adding an office on to my house in Toronto and tearing down the wall between kitchen and dining room) etc.
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Joanne: Glad to hear you found renos quite easy to deal with. But then you sound like a generally philosophical person who just takes things as they come.
ReplyDeletewww: Your husband being uninterested in the redesign must have made things a lot smoother. Likewise when there was just you to handle things.
It took us a long time to find this house. We looked at a lot of places that fell short in some way. It was an unexpected bonus that this house was detached. We were assuming semi-detached was all we could afford.
I lose count of the places we fixed up in France and here we had a house built from scratch. Not a cross word.
ReplyDeleteHelen: That's amazing. Good for you. Maybe Jenny I have been too pessimistic about our project-management abilities?
ReplyDeleteWe have decorated but not renovated. Hanging wallpaper was as far as we were willing to go. We did help relatives build but then we could just go home when we got tired of the mess.
ReplyDeleteLinda: I've never even hung wallpaper. Painting is all I've ever managed. I'm always impressed by these builders who can do everything - bricklaying, plastering, electrics, plumbing, tiling, roofing, the lot. That's what I call talented!
ReplyDeleteI remember a friend who was having a house built. She said she had to leave now because she needed to pick out kitchen cabinet hardware. Man, I would have decision fatigue on day one!
ReplyDeleteLinda: Me too! Every little detail needs a decision one way or another. What size of kitchen cabinet? What tile colour? Where to put the electric sockets? I would be permanently exhausted!
ReplyDeleteThe only change that we did to our home is to enlarge the kitchen by adding the balcony attached to it to the main kitchen. That is 26 years after moving in and when a new daughter in love decided that the kitchen was too small for her liking. Other than that, there has been two painting sessions but that is all. We are quite comfortable with what we have.
ReplyDeleteThe garden however has been relaid three times!
Ramana: I'd never thought of using a balcony to enlarge a room. A clever idea. Only two painting sessions since moving in? That's remarkable. Your decorator must use some very high-quality paint!
ReplyDeleteWe never did any more than redecorating anywhere we lived as usually relocated with employment changes requiring we move before we might have considered a remodel.. Even with redecorating we complemented each other well. I was impressed with my husband’s artistic tastes so valued his input and having him take the lead in some areas, but we were often on the same page. Our biggest problem centered on his serious attitude toward work we jointly performed as compared to the more light-hearted even fun attitude I felt. His attitude was always this was work he really couldn’t find a way to enjoy, I guess.
ReplyDeleteJoared: I think Jenny and I would have the same problem - I would be taking the work very seriously, while she would be looking for a bit of fun. Yes, always being on the move means the possibility of remodelling never becomes an issue.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you. When we bought our house people kept telling us how much more house we could get if we bought a fixer upper, but neither one of us wanted to deal with that. I don't think we'd have had much trouble agreeing on what we wanted, but I think living with ongoing projects would be very trying.
ReplyDeleteDanielle: I'm sure living with an ongoing project is pretty hair-raising, unless you're the sort of person who's unbothered by a lot of mess and upheaval. Jenny and I have very little tolerance of mess!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of fixing up something but in practice I would only be happy if I could hand it over a hundred percent to someone else who would do what I wanted exactly. Since we don't have the money to do that, we tend to soldier on
ReplyDeleteJenny: Me too. Too much personal involvement would be the death of me. Even the smallest domestic repairs are liable to unsettle me for days.
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