The person I'm thinking of obviously is Donald Trump, but there are plenty of people equally guilty of appalling behaviour but enjoying widespread support from all and sundry.
Nigel Farage, who is standing in the upcoming British general election, is known principally as one of the architects of Brexit, which according to numerous economists has been an economic disaster (sorry, Infidel). Yet still millions of people support him regardless.
But it's not just public figures who benefit in this way. Spouses are fond of saying they'll stand by their man (or woman), even if they're guilty of murder, repeated sexual harassment, massive frauds, medical negligence or whatever.
I don't understand what inspires this blind loyalty. Do they think the person has done nothing wrong? Do they believe they should support their spouse "for better or for worse"? Do they believe they should "love the sinner"? Are they defending the person against what they see as unfair persecution?
I can only assume that the person's actions are being justified in some way. They had been taught that sexual harassment was normal masculine behaviour. They committed fraud to get back at a stingy, domineering boss. And so on.
If I was guilty of some atrocious crime, I wouldn't expect Jenny to stand by me. She would be quite right to pack her bags.
an interesting question, Nick. I think that sometimes a partner will stand by their person because they don't believe the person did wrong. Sometimes they are not really standing by them, just making a show for the sake of public appearance, sometimes they have every intention of walking away but have chosen to delay it.
ReplyDeleteI think old school values might demand that a couple stay together (although I think the people who still live by that are probably very old)
And don't forget that there are still power dynamics which will keep people together when the relationship fails
Kylie: As you say, once the fuss has died down the partner might very well leave the person. And yes, the offending partner might have some sort of power or psychological hold over the other one.
DeleteThere are very forgiving people out there. Or maybe they are just blind? Don’t know!
ReplyDeleteBijoux: It's a complete mystery to me. Maybe you're right, there are a lot of very forgiving people out there.
DeleteThere are people who fear change, and don't know how they'd manage if they left what they know.. But I agree, it's baffling.
ReplyDeleteBoud: Indeed, fear of change might well be involved. It's a big wrench to leave someone you've lived with for many years.
DeleteIn the case of politics, they feed into the peoples fear. And escalate it. I think it's probably fear in relationships, too. Fear of loss, of security, children, etc. I am still unable to grasp the hold DT has on his cult.
ReplyDeleteSandra: I think fear must have a lot to do with it. It's not easy to make a complete break with someone.
DeleteMaybe some of them don’t like to admit to themselves that they’ve been wrong with their choices!
ReplyDeletePeople believe what they want to believe. It’s all a bit illogical.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: Yes, I think that's a factor too. Having to admit a major mistake or misjudgment about your partner is difficult.
ReplyDeleteRegarding Trump, at this point I honestly believe it's a cult.
ReplyDeleteJennifer: I don't think it's exactly a cult, because people are free to join it or leave it. It's more like a mass obsession that feeds on itself.
DeleteAlways follow the money Nick and you will have all the answers.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
www: You mean the wealthy individuals who're financing Trump because he'll protect their wealth?
DeleteYes, definitely.
DeleteGaslighting is when someone repeats the same lies so often they become believable to some. Trump specializes in this.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: I thought gaslighting meant convincing someone their perception of reality is mistaken. The trouble with Trump's supporters is surely the opposite - they totally believe their version of reality even if it's false.
DeleteNot sure I could support someone like that.
ReplyDeleteMary: I couldn't support someone who had committed serious crimes or misbehaviour.
DeleteI don't understand why any adult would put up with abusive behavior. I know I would just leave, whether it was physical, mental, financial. As for Trump, it's financial abuse and a lot of players.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: How could anyone excuse a habitually abusive partner? It's simple cruelty and inhumanity.
DeleteHello Nick,
ReplyDeleteI have a few thoughts.
1. I don't think it is right to put Farage in the category as murders and sexual predators and that sort of thing. Advocating for a political scheme is part-and-parcel of democracy and so I don't think Brexit, in-and-if-itself, constitutes some inexpiable crime.
2. A lot of people go along with abuse because they don't actually realise it is abuse. Its quite common for people to blame themselves for abuse they suffer - esp. with a manipulative partner. For me, even the fainest signs of abuse, and I'm packing my bags.
3. I think there is a lot of psychological denial. There are so many mums convinced their lunatic sons are perfectly innocent.
4. Vis-a-vis Trump (or any political leaders), its hard to establish any absolute metric b/c you'd end up catching most presidents. I think it comes down to the lesser of 2 evils thesis.
Just a few thoughts
Liam :)
Liam: (1) Point taken that political debacles aren't equivalent to murder and sexual harassment. But people will defend doctrinaire politicians in the same intransigent way.
ReplyDelete(2) I agree, a lot of people don't see abuse for what it is.
(3) Agreed also there is a lot of psychological denial.
(4) I think you'd accept though that the swashbuckling way Trump behaves is in a different league to other presidents' misdemeanours.
Nick , I 'm sorry not to comment on your highly interesting subjects , but I'm busy . Saïd managed to get 3 small Gaza orphans , 2, 4, 5 years old ,a girl and two boys out over Egypt , serouisly injured , loss of legs, hands and arms. Heartbreaking. We hope to save them in the hospital where they are admitted and I spend most of the day over there. The boy of 5 is so traumatised that he puts his hand on his eyes each time the door opens. As I speak Arab (.not fluenty, but enough to have a little conversation it helps.. I hope all this will end one day.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: Don't worry about not commenting, I totally understand. Rescuing kids from Gaza is a lot more important than some footling blog. That's great that you've managed to save them, but awful that the 5-year-old is so traumatised. I wish this barbaric war would end tomorrow, but I'm afraid it will go on for a long time yet.
DeleteKylie makes a valid comment. I couldn't stay with someone if I found out he/she was guilty of horrific crime or behaviour. With Trump, I agree with Wisewoman's comment, and they are just as vile as he is.
ReplyDelete