My own view of loneliness is quite complex. For me, I would say boredom is more of a problem than loneliness. If I'm totally absorbed in something then I don't feel lonely because I'm just not thinking about other people.
A feeling of loneliness is said to arise if you can't find people who're on the same wavelength as you, but I don't expect people to be on my wavelength. Society is now so fragmented into umpteen tiny groups of like-minded people that the chance of my happening to meet someone I see eye to eye with is pretty slim.
If I'm not on the same wavelength as other people, that makes me feel isolated or unusual but not lonely. But then I was brought up in a family who had very different views to myself, so I'm used to being out on a limb.
What I really need isn't people on the same wavelength but people who can give me useful advice about how to deal with life's problems. That's where I feel a lack. Like someone who can diagnose a faulty washing machine or fill in a complicated application form or just give me a more optimistic view of the horrifying world we now live in.
There's more to loneliness than meets the eye.
I think the loneliest people are the older ones who live alone, far from family, and their friends have passed.
ReplyDeleteColette: If it's company they crave, then yes, older people living alone are very lonely.
DeleteBoredom is my problem....I have plenty to do, but could do with more regular stimulus than that which can be obtained from the internet.
ReplyDeleteAnon: Well, there are plenty of stimuli besides the internet. All sorts of cultural possibilities from books to music to films.
Deleteanonymous fly...yes, but I would like someone with whom to converse, to discuss....I have music via the internet and have a house full of books, but they don't talk back!
DeleteFly: I see what you mean. Luckily I have Jenny to talk to but if she wasn't around I might not be so sanguine about lack of company.
DeleteI am lonely for all my friends who have died and as we age it's far more difficult to form new friendships of any substance. I have difficulty with (though envious) those who can small talk but I can't manage it, like those I am surrounded with. It's a foreign language to me and of absolutely no interest to ad nauseum on grandchildren or the old recipe for Xmas cake.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
www: I'm no good at small talk either. But small talk is what I invariably come up against if I try to befriend anyone.
DeleteApparently, what I need is someone nearby to hear my random comments. My Dave fills that role for me. I would be lost without him.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: I think Jenny and I fill that role for each other.
DeleteThe evidence suggests thatt he loneliest people are young.
ReplyDeleteThe well researched doco I recently watched suggested that a lot of loneliness could be averted or reduced if we had more casual contact with the people around us, it doesn't have to be firm friendships. One new development built for community connection allows people to see into the loungerooms of other residents so a smile and a wave are available. (Blinds can be shut to stop people seeing in but that would probably defeat the purpose of living in a community where connection is promoted)
There are shared laundries so people bump into one another and shared garden spaces.
It seems to me that the current obsession with "privacy" is detrimental given that we are herd animals
Kylie: That new development is interesting. A smile and a wave can make all the difference if you're feeling a bit isolated. And yes, I agree we've all got a bit too obsessed with privacy to the detriment of social activity.
DeleteI used to think I was lonely because I never heard from my children. Eventually I realized that was not going to change, so I found other ways to fill my time. A small business, new friends, the like.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: It looks like you're dealing with your current situation very well. You seem to be good at making new friends and acquaintances.
DeleteJenny: Yes, if you have plenty to do, you're less likely to feel lonely. But if it's other people and company you crave, that's only a partial solution.
ReplyDeleteI'm a true introvert, I don't enjoy being around other people in real life but I like being social on social media. Because when I'm done, I can close my laptop. lol I don't get lonely, I like spending time alone by myself.
ReplyDeleteMary: I like spending time by myself too. I have plenty of things to keep me occupied without any need for company.
DeleteI think the isolation that many people faced during the pandemic highlighted the epidemic of loneliness. Many people in senior living situations declined from lack of contact with others.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Yes, a lot of people who were used to socialising couldn't cope with the isolation of lockdown. Especially older people as you say.
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