Would I follow Jenny's requests after her death? Would she follow mine? I suppose it depends partly on the nature of the requests. Routine ones like scattering ashes in the local park are easy enough to comply with. But I imagine crazy ones like erecting a tombstone in the Outer Hebrides* would be ignored by most relatives.
My mum never made any after-death requests as far as I know. We opted for a simple cremation and that was that. I've never drawn up any after-death requests and neither has Jenny. If I die first (which is likely because I'm ten years older) Jenny can do whatever she wants with my mortal remains. I won't be capable of either approving or disapproving.
Mind you, I do carry an organ donor card that allows the harvesting of any useful organs after I die, so I guess that counts as one after-death request.
If I had a second after-death request, it might be that people think well of me and forgive all my failings. Or even declare me a national treasure. That would be much better than a Scottish tombstone.
It annoys me when people try to read the dead person's mind and say that Aunt Emma would have wanted this or wanted that. Obviously they can't possibly know what she would have wanted so they're probably talking nonsense.
So when Nick dies, how about throwing the wildest party ever? It's what he would have wanted.
* Outer Hebrides - a series of islands off the west coast of Scotland
My daughter knows what to do with me when I die, and that's adequate. I'm rather pleased with myself; after parents and misc. others, I should be the first to go. All the mopping up bother left to others, forever after.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Indeed, if I died tomorrow, there would be several others left to do the mopping up!
DeleteMy sister always wanted her cremains sprinkled at Disneyland’s Matterhorn ride. I thought that was crazy! I looked it up and it’s against the law mainly due to the ashes getting onto the rails and could be a safety issue. Needless to say, when she passed at the young age of 56 - her daughter wanted to do it regardless of the issue but was later overruled by the rest of the family. Instead she was scattered off the pacific coast of our hometown, Pacifica.
ReplyDeleteDebby: Not surprised the rest of the family overruled such a weird request! I think in the UK there are quite a few places where scattering ashes is illegal.
DeleteNick, I agree with you in principle. However, my ever dreaded "however": I do object to cremation. Environmentally it's a disaster. Irresponsible. And, aesthetically, questionable. Is there anything more dispiriting (for the mourners) than sitting in a crematorium, such a sanitized, void of all atmosphere place?
ReplyDeleteI also feel very strongly about embalming. Thanks, but no thanks. Do you know what happens when you are shipped to an undertaker? They drain your veins of blood, replace it with some (environmentally questionable - see above) crap - to PRESERVE you. Preserve me for what? To top it all: They sew your lips together - so your mouth won't be a gaping open hole. You know what they did in the olden days? Put a long piece of narrow fabric either side of your chin and knot it at the top of your head to make the dead keep their mouth shut.
Less is more. Which is why I would like to be buried (ha, lovely, all those maggots and stuff feasting on me). Earth to earth ... And, yes, I am an avid composter. No coffin, just a shroud. And I have warned the Apple of my Eye that should the tree/bush he plants on top of my grave not take or wilt it's a reason to laugh.
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Ursula: You have a point that cremation causes much more pollution. Perhaps I should switch to a burial? As for embalming, why the need for preservation? If funerals were arranged more quickly, I guess embalming wouldn't be needed.
DeleteOh Nick , we got so many death news the last time that I have no idea just now . I suppise, I would like that people think of me as a charismatic and caring person and if possible it would be nice to.put my ashes under a hêtre ( I do not know the English word) tree.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: The destruction and carnage going on in Gaza is terrible. I hope it can be halted quickly but both Israel and Hamas seem set on continuing hostilities - hostilities that have gone well beyond self-defence. The number of civilians being slaughtered is awful.
DeleteThe hêtre is the beech tree - but why did you pick the beech tree?
I grew up on the island of Rügen in the Baltic sea There is the most beautiful beech tree forest now Unesco World heritage and my childhhod is related to these trees , High and wonderful trees , the light going through the branches projecting fantastic shadows. Have a look at Google to see a bit what I am speaking about.
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Hannah: I see what you mean. Rügen is extremely beautiful. Jasmund National Park looks wonderful too. What a lovely place to grow up in. I was brought up in not-so-lovely London.
DeleteIf one has requests, please make them known to your loved ones.I didn’t find the paper with my father’s wishes until 5 years after his death.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Five years to find his wishes - that's ridiculous. Yes, put them somewhere very prominent - and that applies to the will as well. Luckily my brother in law had my mum's will.
DeleteI think I will have one of those lonely funerals - just me and a council registrar. I don't think I will have any choice in the matter. It's my fear of being the last to die of my friends and family that actually care.
ReplyDeleteI'm also aware that my festering, undiscovered remains might be gnawed at by whatever pet I have at the time - I hope it lives, and is looked after.
I think you've hit on one of my big fears with this post!!! Sorry for being so grim!!
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Ms Scarlet: I understand your fear. My own fear is that if Jenny dies nobody will bother to support me and I'll be alone with my grief. Of course Jenny's quite sure that lots of people would rally round. And yes, my own festering remains might not be discovered for weeks.
DeleteAnonymous Fly...expect I will be found gnawed by the dogs. Have made it clear in will that property bequest depends on care of animals and have arranged for checks to be made.
ReplyDeleteFly: That's very practical, ensuring the care of your animals.
DeleteWe have a family tradition of pouring the ashes into a river in northern Minnesota that feeds into Lake Superior. I'm not sure we'll be able to continue that tradition as the current generation gets too old to do that, though. Hopefully, our great nephews/nieces will follow up.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: Interesting. Why that particular river? Is there some family connection?
DeleteYes. We often camped in the state forest by that river and the family cabin was not far from it. Dave's parents' house during retirement was in a nearby town and that house overlooked Lake Superior. Our favorite backpacking park was just one county road north of there. So we all spent lots of time in that area for many years.
DeleteLinda
Linda: That all sounds very enjoyable!
DeleteI recently tied up my ending and Daughter is aware. No funeral, definitely a celebration of life if she can handle it.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
www: A celebration of life is much better than a lot of gloomy faces and forced solemnity.
DeleteNick, hope that Jenny lets all your blog readers know when and where your celebration of life party will be held 😉 And your after-death request that folks think well of you forgiving your failings sounds like a good one. But, I especially liked that you be "declared a national treasure."
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: I'm still looking for a venue large enough to accommodate the thousands of starry-eyed fans who'll be queuing at the door.
DeleteI've let my family know my wants about organ donation, cremation and wanting to be scattered with my late husband up in the mountains. He didn't care what we did with his ashes but he did want to be cremated so we did that. I signed a DNR this year so no one can hook me up to a ventilator or perform cpr on me. I mean if something is so wrong with me to stop my heart, just let me go.
ReplyDeleteMary: "If something is so wrong with me to stop my heart, just let me go." I wouldn't be as final as that. Heart operations are routine nowadays and can keep you healthy for quite a while.
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