Britney Spears is the latest person to have recalled not only her childhood misery but her adult misery as well. How she was harassed, taunted and belittled by her husband, how her heavy-drinking father had legal control of her life for over 13 years, and so on.
I suppose some people would argue that there's no need to recount all this negativity at such length, that lots of people have been exposed to childhood misery of one type or another, who needs to be told about it yet again?
I disagree. The more we know about the appalling way some people have been treated as a child, the more incentive there is to ensure children grow up with caring and supportive parents who encourage them to make the most of their lives.
Mind you, that's assuming all those misery memoirs are truthful in the first place, and haven't been somewhat embellished and exaggerated to attract more readers.
The English barrister Constance Briscoe successfully defended herself against her mother Carmen's accusations that her "true story of a loveless childhood" was "a piece of fiction".
But Kathy O' Beirne's story of abuse in a Catholic institution, Don't Ever Tell, was denounced as unreliable by her family, while James Frey was discredited for his fictionalised autobiography A Million Little Pieces.
I'm surprised people feel the need to exaggerate their experiences, which are probably horrifyingly awful in the first place. I would say the more misery memoirs we read, the more we know the truth about the dreadful childhoods some people have endured.
Pic: Constance Briscoe
Maybe reading those books help people who experienced such things feel not so alone. I have a friend who is in his 70s now who is still being affected by being the son of the town drunk. I have another one who still has nightmares from being sexually abused as a child. I encourage them to get support from whatever source helps them.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: Yes, that's possible, feeling less alone. Alcoholism and sexual abuse are frighteningly common, and can have disastrous effects on friends and families.
DeleteI think for some of them, writing a memoir is a relief to have their story told. We read the James Frey book when it first came out as part of my book club and I could tell immediately that it was B.S. Things just didn't add up.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Yes, a feeling of relief is another possibility. I've never read the James Frey book, but as you say it soon becomes apparent that something just doesn't ring true.
DeleteWhile I haven't written a memoir, I do post a story about my childhood each month, not all of it is bad. But writing these stories is kind of cathartic and if they help others who have been through similar things not to feel alone, I'm all for people doing it.
ReplyDeleteMary: If writing about miserable experiences is cathartic and helps others who have gone through something similar that's good.
DeleteNick, while I see your point here, it is interesting to me to read about celebrities writing how miserable their lives have been. It is surely so true that many non-famous people have had wretched lives only no one has told their stories for profit. Sorry to sound a bit of a cynic here, but if i were to read that someone famous told about a terrible upbringing and then donated any sale profits to a charity, I would be suitable impressed.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: Giving the profits from someone's "misery memoir" to charity would be impressive. But I've never heard of anyone doing that!
DeleteThere is almost always a reason why people are the way there are. All too often, it relates back to childhood.
ReplyDeleteColette: How you were treated as a child can have lingering after-effects for the rest of your life.
DeleteI think it's best to always be aware that everybody has suffered somewhere along the line.
ReplyDeleteNot all of us get the benefit of a book deal though.
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Ms Scarlet: It's easy to assume someone has a great life until you delve a bit deeper into their history and their personality and discover the inner demons.
Deleteanonymous fly....and who buys these books? Well off women wanting a wallow in someone else's pain.
ReplyDeleteNick, I do not listen to or read about those difficult lifes. I have an interior resistance for voyeurism. If I know personnally the man ,woman or child ( which happens several times) I will of course listen, help and take care. Anyway it's a terrible problem, in each school class at least 2 or 3 children are abused , beaten exploided. Just heartbreaking and I do not forget women and men whose lifes where spoiled in families, sport clubs , religious institutions , in Scouts organisations, it's an never ending list.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: I don't read these books either. Like you, I know all about the abuse and exploitation that goes on around me and I don't need to read about it. As you say, every kind of organisation is affected and there seems to be no end to it.
DeleteI do believe floodlights need to be turned on to illuminate appalling abuse and how some survive it (which is the healing message). I have known far too many who have suicided as a result, or dove into the pit of endless addiction. The multi generational impact is horrific. Memoir writing is therapeutic and I never judge the authors.
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WWW
www: Indeed, we need floodlights on all the abuse. But above all we need a complete change to the way boys are brought up, so they learn to respect and value women instead of preying on them.
DeleteChildren without voices need one so fecking badly …when that voice is found how do expect them then to be quiet????
ReplyDeleteJohn: Well, I guess people react differently to bad experiences. Some will keep it to themselves, others will want to expose their agony. If they want to write about it, that's fine by me.
DeleteIf you listen to people describing their families you may find quite a lot of variation even in what brothers and sisters say. And it may be just how they see it.
ReplyDeleteJust like one person will praise a neighbourhood for being friendly and warm whereas another says it's intrusive depressing and scruffy. There is no doubt that some childhoods are extreme, but I find it more interesting when reading memoirs to notice what the writer's own approach to life is.
Jenny: Indeed, the writer's own approach to life can be quite illuminating. And yes, people can see things in diametrically opposed ways. Jenny and I love Belfast but there are other people who can't stand the place.
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