It's not just remarks from other people. Everywhere she goes there are adverts for pregnancy tests, baby products and other child-related items. She sometimes feels ashamed that she doesn't have a maternal yearning, and used to wonder if there was something wrong with her.
Well, frankly I wonder what sort of people she's associating with, if so many of them are questioning her childlessness. As far as I can recall, nobody has ever suggested to me or Jenny that we should have had children.
We're often asked if we have children or not, but no one suggests that there's something wrong with us if we don't. Our parents may have wanted us to have children, but if so they never said.
Given the shocking state of Britain right now, with public services crumbling and the cost of everything rocketing, and all the evidence of climate breakdown, it's amazing that people still feel confident enough to have children. Goodness knows what sort of world they'll encounter by the time they're adults.
Then again, if nobody had children, who would look after oldies like us in our dotage? We'd be left high and dry.
Anyway, those people who chastise women (and surprise surprise it's usually women who're admonished, not men) should mind their own business and stop trying to guilt-trip the happily child-free.
I see more and more couples not having children. It's really nobody's business but their own.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Exactly. What's it got to do with anyone else?
DeleteWe have one child who chose to remain childless. She worried I would want grandchildren but I refused to take responsibility for that decision. We are all happy she chose child-free.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: Good for you, refusing to take that responsibility.
DeleteI'm happy with my granddogs. I think my daughter made the right choice.
ReplyDelete---Cheerful Monk
Cheerful Monk: I'm sure the granddogs give you a lot of pleasure!
DeleteIt's funny how this happens. I've heard of other cases of people telling women they're wrong or weird for not wanting children, but no one has ever said the same to me. The expectation for men isn't the same.
ReplyDeleteThen again, I know someone who has four children (stable married situation with plenty of income to support them) and people have acted like there was something off about her for having that many.
Falling birth rates are a concern -- in most countries now (even the majority of what we used to call the "third world"), birth rates are too low to sustain the population in the long run, unless future anti-aging technology really brings the death rate down. There are things governments can do to relieve the financial and housing problems which deter a lot of people from having children they would otherwise want, but if they really want to fix the problem, they're going to need to commit a lot of money. Exhorting and scolding people to have bigger families never works.
Not surprising that the worst birth-rate drops now are in places like China, ever after the end of the one-child policy. No sane person would want to bring a child into a nightmarish totalitarian surveillance state.
Infidel: Our next-door neighbours have four children, and they both have full time jobs. I don't know how they cope! Re population, I was reading that the population of India will in a matter of months be higher than China's. As you say, financial and housing problems are deterring a lot of people from having children.
DeleteSome analysts believe that India's population has already overtaken China's -- mostly because of the Chinese birth-rate collapse over the last few years. India still has a more normal demography and thus a relatively young and vigorous population. In the long run its economic prospects are a lot brighter than China's.
DeleteInfidel: As you say, the prospects for India are looking good.
DeleteMy children had their children long ago. Those grands show little to no interest in reproducing.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Have they dropped any clues as to why they're not interested in reproducing?
DeleteFour are on the LGBTQ+ scale. They also are siblings with a gay father (a Mormon, the worst sort of gay. A good father and a good man since he has left the closet. The last two are still in college and I have not seen them for a couple of years. They seem straight.
DeleteJoanne: Four on the LGBT scale - that's most unusual. I didn't know Mormons could be gay.
DeleteI never had the urge to have children. I don't recall anyone berating me for it - other than once - I was called selfish by a bloke who was breeding like a rabbit.
ReplyDeleteI do worry about children being born today as it seems they are being born into some kind of hell. I don't regret my decision not to have any.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: Some kind of hell indeed, when lots of people can't even meet today's sky-high rents, never mind a mortgage. Even the bare everyday essentials are now unaffordable for many people.
DeleteLike you, I don't understand why people don't mind their own business.
ReplyDeleteIndeed. The same goes for people who insist on feeling the baby bulge and asking all sorts of intrusive questions about the baby.
DeleteI have never had the wish to have children, not for any specific reason. As I approached my mid-30s unmarried, that lessened even more. Then, I met and married a man who had 2 boys and while they didn't live with us full-time, we set up a bedroom in our townhouse for overnighters. Sadly, after we divorced (because of his infidelity), I never saw them again but am in contact with their birth mother so know that they are married with children of their own. Post divorce, I met my current husband, who had 2 daughters then in their teens and early 20s and was able to watch them grow into womanhood and motherhood and now share grandchildren. So in a way, I did have children without all the work.
ReplyDeleteWhat is interesting to me is that there are couples today who have children and because of their working schedules rely on their parents to take over some of the chores of babysitting, meeting the school bus, etc. There have been times when friends of ours, who are grandparents, have had to rearrange their schedules to accommodate those of their children/grandchildren. We do not live close enough to our grands to be asked to do anything similar.
When people choose to have children, they should be aware it comes with personal responsibility, especially when they have several.
Beatrice: Indeed, you've had children without all the work! Infidelity seems to be alarmingly common these days. Asking grandparents to look after grandchildren seems fair enough as long as it doesn't become too much of a burden. I think some grandparents feel they can't get on with their own life because they're constantly called upon.
ReplyDeletePeople need to mind their own business when it comes to this. If someone doesn't want children then let them be.
ReplyDeleteMary: Absolutely. What's it to do with anyone else?
DeleteHi Nick, it's a pleasure to visit your blog after all these years. I was just wondering did you hear the news about our old blogging friend Ramana?
ReplyDeleteMaria: No, I hadn't heard that Ramana had died. I was very sorry to hear that. Thank you for letting me know.
DeleteThat's great that you and Jenny don't get bugged about not having children. My husband and I chose not to have children and have gotten quite a few comments (usually the "you'll change your mind" type). I definitely got more of them than he did. It seems like people see women opting out of kids as less acceptable somehow. The comments have finally stopped now that I'm in my 40s. One nice thing about getting older!
ReplyDelete