My parents were constantly telling me I shouldn't do this or that because it would be in bad taste. Anything sexually too explicit, anything that insulted the dead, anything too critical of other people's appearance. All sorts of things were frowned on.
Today the idea of bad taste seems to be fading rapidly. Politicians and celebrities and journalists say the most outrageous things and get away with it. They might be briefly criticised but that's it. On social media there's no idea of bad taste at all and people say exactly what they want, including rape threats, death threats and all sorts of violent intimidation.
In fact for many people nowadays "bad taste" doesn't even refer to questionable behaviour, but only to an unfashionable personal choice, like orange wallpaper or shag pile rugs.
Some people scoff at the idea of bad taste and admire those who "tell it like it is". In practice this just seems to mean pouring out streams of invective against anybody and everybody, and not caring who you're upsetting or belittling.
But I was so thoroughly conditioned by my upbringing to avoid anything that was in bad taste that it's virtually impossible to change. I'm still very careful not to say or do anything controversial, anything that goes beyond the bounds of polite socialising. There's no way I could simply blurt out whatever comes to mind, however shocking or repulsive.
Other people's over-the-top comments never cease to amaze me.
It's a curious phenomenon, but the current incentive structure of society does favor it. That is, being crude and vulgar and swearing casually get a speaker more credibility with the crude and vulgar segment of the audience, and have no real costs to offset that. Even if most people don't like it, they don't impose any costs in the form of not reading or not voting for writers or politicians who behave that way. If we want less tasteless vulgarity in society, we have to impose costs for it -- by, say, refusing to associate with people who behave like that -- and for most people, there are too many other issues that are a higher priority.
ReplyDeleteCuriously enough, at the same time this coarsening is happening, we're also seeing the rise of the opposite -- the professional perpetually-offended people who are constantly claiming their feeling are hurt when they run into the slightest objection to what are often quite unreasonable demands. Even more curiously, these are generally the same people who are generating those death threats and rape threats and so forth.
Infidel: Very true that quite often bad-taste behaviour doesn't lead to any negative consequences and may even enhance the person's reputation. And yes, the hypocrisy of people shrieking that they're offended while at the same time setting out to offend others is breathtaking.
DeleteI grew up with "respectability" ringing in my ears. I think it is the same as "good taste" or maybe it's a close relative.
ReplyDeleteRespectable behaviour means keeping up appearances, not displaying any emotion or opinion that is too real, not wearing anything too eye catching, not saying anything that isn't closely guarded.
I watch my boss live with these silly ideals, apologising profusely for the lack of a tablecloth at an informal barbecue, tutting at the lack of serviettes and their replacement with paper towel. It's so costly to her psyche and ultimately so unimportant.
Kylie: Indeed, good taste and respectability are closely related. And I agree that if good taste means only fussing over trivial details or being closely guarded, that sort of good taste is best done away with.
DeleteYour parents sound like mine.....
ReplyDeleteFly: I think most parents were like that at the time (the 1950s and 1960s).
DeleteI love Infidel’s comment. While it’s become a ‘free for all’ to say anything and everything, people now feel justified to become offended by the smallest ‘micro aggression.’
ReplyDeleteIt’s best to just not contribute to the hysteria of it all.
Bijoux: The double-think of freely mouthing off and at the same time pouncing on micro-aggressions is quite absurd.
DeleteGood or bad taste is very different in many countries in our world. I really see.no need to offend people by giving my opinion about all and everything, but if I am asked I will answer and even defend my opinion without any "tabou". I was brought up in a family where discussing about all you can imagine was the daily rule and the red line was not to hurt or agress people . Respect above all.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: I'd love to have had a family where constant discussion was the norm. But my parents weren't that way inclined.
Deletethecontemplativecat here; Google is a cruel beast. We sat at the table, silent if Dad was in a violently bad mood or teasing me about being fat (which I wasn'). Either way, bad taste was never talked about.
ReplyDeleteContemplativecat: Our family was always silent at mealtimes. My father thought we should concentrate on eating.
DeleteI remember being told, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
ReplyDeleteLinda Sand
Linda: My parents used to say that. But some things (and people) need to be criticised.
DeleteI was also raised in the 1950s and 1960s timeframe and also attended Catholic school, so watching your mouth and not saying anything offensive was the norm. Even today, I am cautious about saying anything that would offend someone and have even found myself apologizing if something said was misunderstood.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: My boarding school was religious, but they never taught us boys not to be offensive. Some of the boys were outrageous.
DeleteI try to keep my controversial opinions to myself. My grandmother always talked about how saying or doing this or that would be in bad taste.
ReplyDeleteMary: I guess most of us oldies have been thoroughly indoctrinated about good and bad taste when we were growing up.
DeleteRight now I can't taste a thing.... oh, hang on, that's not what you meant....
ReplyDeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: That comment was in very bad taste, ha ha.
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