Some people get so irrationally jealous they resort to absurd acts of destruction and violence. A man shreds all his girlfriend's clothes or vandalises her car. Or he goes to her supposed lover's house and throws paint over all the windows.
My father was the jealous type. He was always suspicious of my mother's friends and wanted to know exactly what she was doing if she was out somewhere. He even imagined she was having lesbian affairs with her female friends. She never showed the slightest hint of lesbianism but that didn't put him off.
I don't take after him at all. I know lots of people who're more intelligent, more talented, better educated, wealthier, with beautiful houses, with fewer hang-ups, but I'm not jealous of them or even mildly envious. I just think, well, good for them, they're luckier than me in all sorts of ways, they seem to have great lives, but I don't need to resent them because my own life has worked out very well and why spend my time hankering after what someone else has got?
What bothers me isn't other people's achievements but their need to make sure everyone knows about them. They have to casually mention that little Benjamin attends the best school in the neighbourhood. Or that they got their house for £20,000 less than the asking price. Or that they flew business class to somewhere or other. Such relentless boasting gets rather tedious.
"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves." - William Penn
I agree completely with you. It's a waste of time. Jealous people seem to lack self confidence. Nevertheless it can be a big problem in couples and spoil a relation. My husband had a near friend whose wife was so jealous that she asked him not to look at people when speaking or walking . A horrible situation. They finally divorced, which was the best thing he could do. His life changed
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: She wasn't allowed to look at people? That's crazy. I'm not surprised they divorced.
DeleteHe was not allowed to look. She was so jealous , when my husband met him I had not the right to come because may be he would hug me and smile and discuss with me..After his divorce we were good friends , he died young at 56.
DeleteHannah
Hannah: Sorry, he not she. How bizarre that you weren't allowed to meet him.
DeleteMy husband's siblings have always been jealous of him...I wonder if it is because whatever he has had he has done by himself without the handouts they were given...but to still be jealous of a man in his dire state of health takes some level of hatred to keep up!
ReplyDeleteLinda? Sibling jealousy can get quite nasty. My sister and I have never been jealous of each other, I'm glad to say.
DeleteFly...goodness only knows how I became anonymous.
DeleteI’m in agreement. I’m of the opinion that if one tries their best, they should feel accomplished. There’s nothing worse than a braggart.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Yes, a person should feel happy with what they've done with their life. What others have done is irrelevant.
DeleteMy husband was jealous. When I couldn't deal with it any more, I divorced him. End of problem.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Good for you. Why put up with such crazy behaviour?
DeleteJealousy and envy are not the same thing. I remember a friend once telling me she and her husband had spent the afternoon driving around coveting other people's houses. That's envy.
ReplyDeleteLinda Sand
Linda: No, they aren't. Envy is just a fleeting desire for something, while jealousy is much more obsessive and all-consuming.
DeleteI'm always confused by the differences between Jealousy and envy - I have looked it up multiple times, but it never really sinks in. Envy is more about wanting what someone else has, whereas jealousy is more about relationships, and to do with having a person or thing taken away? Or something like that!
ReplyDeleteAnyhow - no, my envies are under control and fleeting!
Sx
Ms Scarlet: That's an interesting distinction. I think it works with girlfriends/boyfriends being taken away, but not with other people's skills, possessions etc, which haven't been taken away, they're just something you yearn for.
DeleteI believe it all has to do with contentment. Content with one's own place in life and grateful for the small things. I come from a family of 6 with 4 wealthy members and there is absolutely no envy or jealousy that I am aware of. I certainly don't envy the wealth and privilege. I suppose because I know it's not representative of contentment.
ReplyDeleteAnd if a man is jealous of his spouse it can often lead to violence of femicide. We see so much of this around us.
XO
WWW
www: I agree, if you're content with your life there's no cause to be jealous. But contentment seems to be in short supply these days. It's good that there's no obvious jealousy in your family.
DeleteI agree, I don't get it either.
ReplyDeleteMary: It's a control thing, isn't it? Someone wants to have the same as someone else, and can't accept that they don't have it.
DeleteSame here, Nick, while I might admire another possessions or status, I have never felt the need to be jealous of anything. I know that anything material could be purchased within reason and as for the other things, everyone has their own opinion about their "standing" some more so than others and those are the most annoying.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: Yes, people who have to keep boasting about their "standing" are very tiresome.
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