Thursday, 19 February 2009

You're nicked!

Yes, it's that familiar tirade. Haven't the cops got anything better to do? Why aren't they going after the real criminals rather than nicking people like me for totally trivial offences?

The other night Jenny and I went to see "Rachel Getting Married" and then popped into our favourite Indian restaurant for a meal. All very enjoyable, lots of relaxing chatter and gawping. Then we headed back to the car.

A ****ing parking ticket! Some ****ing pettifogging jobsworth with nothing better to do had decided to amuse himself/herself by clocking me for "parking within 15 metres of a junction, causing obstruction to other drivers' views".

God give me strength. I wonder how many thousands of times I've parked next to a junction. Likewise every other driver on the road. And what hazard are we causing exactly? How many people have I killed and injured? Any advance on zero?

Yes, it's a technical offence. So yes, I'll have to cough up. But really, is this the best possible use of police time? Is this the highest priority for our over-stretched, paperwork-laden police officers?

There are drivers out there smashed out of their heads on drink and drugs. There are arsonists burning down factories. There are teenagers dropping rocks onto motorways. There are thieves beating pensioners black and blue. But never mind all that, let's find something dodgy about that little blue Clio. Aha, it's in the wrong place. It's not where it should be. Gotcha! Bang to rights!

Stupid ****ing bastards.

(My apologies to a certain blogger with relatives in the police force. Nothing personal....)

Sales assistant: I'm sorry, your credit card's invalid.
Customer: Why, has it expired?
Sales assistant: No, your credit card's fine, but your bank's expired.


  1. I can tell you needed to get that off your chest!!!

    How was the film by the way? ;)

  2. Suburbia - Oh yes, I feel a lot better now!

    The critics all raved about the film, but we thought it was disappointing. Kym's mental distress was obviously the focus of the plot, but there was so much about the wedding Kym remained a rather shadowy figure.

  3. Grrrrrrrrr, that's so unfair.

    It stinks badder than a racoon's behind.

  4. Hulla - It was probably a racoon that issued the parking ticket. They're much cheaper to train and they don't come into work with a hangover.

  5. Yeah, I got one once where the double yellow line stopped, I parked, not noticing that the continuous white line was still in place. Easy pickings for a lazy git whose management use lazy incentives.

  6. Nice play on words there, Nick. Tee-hee.
    But no tee-hee for the ticket. I know I get enraged tooL My particular favourite is when I park inadvertently at a broken meter and get ticketed, spend time taking it to court and am told that the bylaw says:
    "Thou shalt not park at a broken parking meter."
    It sure does spoil the evening out.
    Have you seen "The Visitor"?
    One of the best of 2008.

  7. I hear your pain, I really do. I was fined by two policemen here for cycling in a (very large and quiet) pedestrian zone. I stood there giving him my details while up to 50 other cyclists merrily whizzed past us. I took me ages to get over it - but I am now. Almost.

  8. Grow Up - What's amazing is that this is the first parking ticket ever in 40 years of driving. I suppose I'm lucky to have got away with so many misdemeanours!

    www - And why shouldn't you park at a broken meter? Not for any road safety reason of course, only because they won't make any money out of you.

    Conor - My point exactly. Why do they ignore everyone else doing the same thing? Pure victimisation. *seethe seethe fume fume*

  9. www - Sorry, meant to say, no I haven't seen The Visitor, it hasn't appeared here yet but it looks really good.

  10. That was a nasty surprise at the end of the evening. Glad you feel better for getting it off your chest.

  11. Hi Nick

    Just popped over from GM to say Happy a non driver I won't say a word...

    I must get my tape measure out...I think the parking places up the road are with in 15 metres of a junction..then I can perhaps dash a letter off to the council and local press...thanks for the idea!

  12. Grannymar - Oh yes, there's nothing so cathartic as a good rant occasionally!

    Magpie - Very sensible, as a non-driver you're spared all these little grievances! I've been taking a close interest in junctions the last few days, and like you I've noticed loads of parking spaces right next to junctions. So how do the police explain that?

  13. Haha . . you're funny when you're mad! Sad but true. We got pulled over once after cruising the neighbourhood Christmas lights by some sourpuss who just had the shits having to work evening shift. Couldn't pin a thing on us but did everything from checking the car for defects to breathalysing. I'm sure someone was breaking and entering while he was safely harassing a car full of women in their flashing Santa earings and silly hats!

  14. Baino - I bet he was really pissed off when he couldn't find anything wrong. I'm surprised he couldn't find some regulation that banned silly hats in a motor vehicle during the hours of darkness.

  15. Ow, bitten by a yellow line vampire!
    See what happens when they monetize parking laws and let private industry run it for a profit? B'stards.

  16. Muddy - There weren't any yellow lines, that's what made it so inexplicable. As you say, it's just a way to make lots of cash while making out they're promoting road safety.