There's been a lot of criticism of Kirstie Allsopp, the presenter of a TV property programme, for allowing her 15 year old son and a 16 year old friend to take a rail trip round Europe on their own.
Even the local council has got involved, with Social Services starting a file on her for supposedly neglectful parenting.
Kirstie Allsopp insists that she knows her own child and had no doubt he was mature enough to make such a trip and cope with any problems that arose. Which he did.
It seems to me that it's entirely up to the parent to decide what their child is capable or not capable of. What business is it of other people to judge them and tell them they made the wrong decision? What do they know about the child's capabilities?
The assumption is that parents are too laid back and let their children do anything they want without properly observing them and keeping them out of harm's way.
As you know, Jenny and I don't have any children, but I imagine that if we had done I for one as a rather anxious individual would probably have been over-protective and over-watchful, deterring my children from spreading their wings and finding their way in the outside world.
I'm sure I would have exaggerated all the dangers and conjured up all sorts of dire eventualities. I suspect I'd have been an alarmingly neurotic parent.
Pic: Kirstie Allsopp
Attitudes about this seem to vary over time. People today are shocked by children being allowed a degree of independence that was routine fifty years ago.
ReplyDeleteThere's a hypothesis that it's an effect of declining birth rates. As there are fewer and fewer children, adults subconsciously register each one as more valuable, and the level of perceived risk that feels right for them to be exposed to drops correspondingly.
Ironically, the most pervasive real threat to children these days is the effect of social media on their mental development, yet hardly anyone wants to tackle the problem of underage social media addiction.
Infidel: I had a lot of freedom when I was growing up in the 1950s. My parents were quite happy for me to roam the neighbourhood on my scooter for hours on end.
DeleteThat theory about fewer children and perceived risk is very plausible.
And yes, social media is very bad for children in any number of ways. It encourages all sorts of self-destructive behaviour.
I think it's just the law, Nick - social services having a duty of care to those under 16, blah, blah, blah.
ReplyDeleteSomeone's 15 yr old might be mature, another's 15 year old might be a delinquent twat.
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Ms Scarlet: So how do Social Services know better than a parent if a teenager is responsible and sensible?
DeleteI didn't say they do! It's just the law!
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Write to your MP to get the law changed if you feel that strongly, otherwise there's bugger all you can do about it. Social Services may agree with your opinion, but they are legally bound to investigate if someone has grassed Kirsty up to them. They can't be seen to treat Kirsty any differently than somebody else.
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Ms Scarlet: I don't feel at all strongly, as I don't have any children. But I do wonder why this quite correct decision by Kirstie is suddenly worth an investigation by a no doubt very overstretched Social Services Department.
DeleteCos they were legally obliged to check up, etc, etc.
DeleteKids are unpredictable. I was left alone at 13, with my sister who was a hormonally charged 17 year old. Guess which of us was the most responsible?!
Anyhow, it’s a non story really, innit?
Sx (Bored on a bank holiday and done all my chores)
Ms Scarlet: Someone on the radio was saying actually the law isn't entirely clear as to when Social Services are entitled to intervene.
DeleteI think my 50 year old son was the last generation of kids turned loose. I believe it helps kids grow up, learn to navigate the world, to resolve conflict, to be bored. Those of us who grew up that way understand but those parenting now were raised under watchful eyes.
ReplyDeleteSandra: Hear hear. If kids are constantly being watched and worried about, that's surely going to undermine their self-confidence.
DeleteIn some cases over-watchfulnes is undermining the development of self-confidence to a ridiculous extent. I've heard of cases of people in their early twenties bringing their parents along to a job interview. You can imagine the impression that creates on a hiring manager.
DeleteInfidel: That's ridiculous! They certainly wouldn't impress the interviewer.
Delete15 is definitely right on the line of being able to be independent and still needing some supervision.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: I must say that when I was 15 and at boarding school I didn't feel at all independent, partly because the school didn't encourage independence.
DeleteHusband traveled from Wales to Tienen in Belgium and back alone from the age of twelve for years. Train, cross London, train, ferry, working out which express to take from Ostend....no problems.
ReplyDeleteAs for social services, yes, they have to follow up referrals, but history unfortunately shows that they are not so zealous in the case of violent family members even when the larger family make repeated calls for help.
Fly: Well, there you are, children can be extremely worldly-wise at a very young age. And I agree, Social Services should be doing more to monitor violent individuals, especially men who attack and murder their female partners. That's where they're conspicuously failing.
DeleteI couldn't understand how my aunt let her kids be so independent. Until I let my daughter do the same things.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: Aha!
DeleteI think it depends on the kid. But most 15 year olds are not responsibly enough to let them do something like this alone.
ReplyDeleteMary: I've never had a 15 year old so I couldn't give an opinion. But I still think in the end it's the parent's judgment that matters.
DeleteLaws aren't flexible on parental evaluations. In my head I thought : would she have let a 15 year old daughter do this?
ReplyDeleteI think not. Kids lie and lie and lie also and can get on line and look for convincing lies from their peers.
I'm siding with the government here.
XO
WWW
www: She says she would have let a 15 year old daughter do the trip, as she would be in no more danger than a boy.
DeleteThen again Shamima Begum ran off to Syria at 15 - where were social services then?! And see what mischief 15 year olds can get up to!
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But yeah - groomed online to completely ruin her life offline.
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Ms Scarlet: Yes, a very good example of focusing on the wrong people. And of governments not doing enough about the dangers of social media.
DeleteI think the legal majority is 18 and should be respected . If something happens to her son of 15 she will be judged as responsable.Of course children can be less or more mature but in any case they have no real experience to evaluate situations ,when they have grown up in a normal protected family life, where most of the daily decisions are taken by the parents or mother or father when raising children alone.. Hope that these two youngsters will travel safe.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: I thought you would be all for letting the boy go on his trip. I was wrong! I would assume that some children are worldly-wise while some aren't. Families don't necessarily exist in a bubble, children learn about the outside world from the internet and from their friends. Anyway, as it turned out the boy came back from his trip with no mishaps.
DeleteI have nothing against travelling young, I travelled to Aghanistan .Nepal and Bhutan when I was just 18. And then to Yemen , to South Amerika and the whole African continent . My parents signed an official document that I got my majority already when 18 and not 21 at that time. It's not a question of age really but to be legally ok and so not to get into trouble.
DeleteHannah
Hannah: Maybe the law should be changed to allow parents to approve of their child's actions?
DeleteYes Nick it would certaimly be a be a good thing .Mental maturity doesn't necessarily be a question of age. In poor countries quite young children must work and bring money to support the family and I avoid to think ( because I know it so well) how the situation is in war zones. .
DeleteHannah
Hannah: Indeed, mental maturity isn't necessarily a question of age. Which is why I think parents are in the best position to judge their child's maturity. I also try not to think too much about how children fare in war zones.
DeleteThis is a really interesting question. As Scarlet says, the law is the law and we have to comply with it but what can a child do at what age?
ReplyDeleteWhen young people are doing anything, I think they can have the skills, that's just a matter of teaching. Where things can go wrong is that if something unexpected comes up, limited life experience means they are going to have less ideas about how to handle the situation. But then adults all have different levels of experience and different abilities to think creatively as well.
My kids were allowed quite a bit of freedom and handled it well. I think when you trust people they are less likely to get into a terrible situation because they dont need to prove themselves
Kylie: I think you're right about trusting people and their not having to prove themselves. And you have to trust your child to have the good sense to deal with something unexpected.
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