What the hell?

The point of religion, according to comedian David Mitchell, is to explain what the hell's going on. The trouble is that each one claims to have the very best version of what the hell's going on. So far from clarifying everything, they make things even more confused. And then we really really don't know what the hell's going on.

Personally I find most religions, and the extraordinary explanations they come up with, totally baffling. Buddhism makes a lot of sense to me, but then it's more of a philosophy than a religion.

But what I admire is the way people have put so much effort into understanding what the hell's going on. Someone sits down one day and asks themself "Just what the hell's going on? There must be some ultimate explanation for all this, if I could only find out what it is."

So they sits and they thinks. And they ask themself all those crucial questions that have been asked since prehistoric times. Like "What happens after we die?", "What the fuck are we doing here?", "Why are my wages so crap I can't even afford a new iPhone?", "Why do I have to wear a tie?", "Who eats pot noodle anyway?". You know, all those absolutely basic questions we're all desperate for an answer to.

And they come up with the ultimate rationale, the all-inclusive, everything-you've-ever-wanted-to-know easy reference guide to what the hell's going on. And it's called the Bible, or the Koran, or the Upanishads or whatever, and bingo, all those mystified souls who were forever scratching their heads in utter bemusement suddenly have The Answer. And they heave a massive sigh of relief and pore gratefully through the pristine pages.

But then as David Mitchell says, some other bearded guy in a robe* comes up with what he insists is A Better Answer, and everything's thrown into the melting pot again.

So we're still none the wiser. And God knows what the hell's going on.

*And why is it invariably a bearded guy in a robe? Doesn't he have some housework to do?

The meaning of life

I spend a lot of time thinking about the meaning of life. Especially as I've been on this planet for 64 years and the meaning doesn't get any clearer. In particular, what the hell is the meaning of so much violence, poverty, torture, ill-health and general misery and hardship?

There are a number of possibilities:

1) They're a test. To see how much we can endure, how much crap we can tolerate, without going completely mad and wanting to top ourselves.

2) God got bored with peace and harmony and thought, Soddit, I'll chuck in some murder and mayhem to spice things up a bit.

3) We've brought it on ourselves by our own thoughtless behaviour and our inability to challenge corrupt and useless governments.

4) God created a perfect world but then left the day-to-day maintenance to a sub-contractor who predictably screwed up.

5) God's computer was infected by a virus, and the IT staff were away on a training course at the time.

6) It's the inevitable consequence of the shitty capitalist system, comrade, and only full-bloodied socialism can wipe it out and bring about a truly democratic society that gives proper respect and dignity to every citizen.

I must say I rather incline to number six, but number two appeals to me as well. I'm sure God doesn't want to be seen as a tight-arsed goodie-goodie any more than the rest of us, so he has to chuck some pure evil in the mix occasionally.

God's only human after all.

PS: As you all probably know, God made me an atheist. I refer to Him purely as a literary device.