Ties, like buttons, should have disappeared years ago. They're a completely pointless waste of time, beloved by employers, dictators, bureaucrats, estate agents and similar odious characters. A tie-burning campaign is well overdue. I'm proud to say I haven't worn a tie myself since 1971. So here are twenty good reasons for not wearing ties:1) They're ugly
2) They get caught in machinery
3) They get food stains on them
4) You only notice the stains when you take them off
5) They can strangle you
6) They're passion killers
7) Employers love them
8) They have no function whatever
9) They attract germs
10) They're hard to fasten
11) They can be grabbed by small children
12) Most dictators wear them
13) You get them as presents when you have a hundred already
14) You get them as presents when you really want champagne and chocolates
15) You can hardly breathe
16) They fall in your soup
17) They're boring
18) You feel like your father
19) Your mother keeps straightening them
20) Your mother thinks they're smart
Are there any reasons whatever in favour of wearing these absurd items? If you can think of any, please let me know.
Coming soon: All those other things that ought to be obsolete
