Jenny and I have never been bothered by which one of us is working or which one of us is supporting the other.
I supported her when she was studying for degrees and she supported me when I was unemployed. By the time she retired she was earning much more than me but neither of us saw that as a problem. Certainly I was never ashamed of failing some masculine expectation about working or not working.
Nor did it matter that I spend many years working in humble bookshop or admin jobs for a very modest wage (and thoroughly enjoying them).
But I gather a lot of men are still hung up on the old male breadwinner formula and get quite eaten up if they're not fulfilling their required gender role. And it seems a lot of women are still under pressure not to overshadow their men workwise.
The statistics: in 29 per cent of marriages both spouses earn about the same amount of money. Some 55 per cent of marriages have a husband who is the prime or sole breadwinner and 16 per cent have a breadwinner wife.
So the male breadwinner pattern is a long time dying.
PS: I missed a few comments on previous posts because I no longer get comments by email. My apologies if someone has been overlooked.
Nick, I think many boys are still educated this way. We have a neighbour , the man is a houseman and his wife works , and the number of negative comments are horrendous. What a shame. Saïd and I are like Jenny and you, when students we were really poor and after when we decided to join Médecins sans frontières it was certainly not for money. Now we are old , have a nice house which we share with refugee families , have a frugal life, still our love and well we are happy. What do we need more ? To judge people for the wages they earn a complete absurd idea.
ReplyDeleteWhat century are we living in ?
Hannah
Hannah: Agreed, judging people by their wages is ridiculous. I'm surprised the househusband still gets so many negative comments, but I suppose the idea of gender roles is still very prevalent.
DeleteIt would be interesting to learn the statistics, after throwing out the ones where the woman is a SAHM. I’m guessing that’s why it’s at 55%.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Interesting point. About 25 per cent of mothers are stay-at-home mothers, so yes, that puts a different angle on the statistics.
DeleteI worked throughout my younger life. I After I married I still worked but he made much more than I did. When we moved to the farm I worked hard, but horses cost money, they don't seem to make you money! We have tended to live what seems a somewhat conventional life, albeit I spent most of my time in a barn, but we settled on doing what each did best. He had a career that supported us. I did all the yard work, the barn work. I have a somewhat controlling nature, so I controlled the house and the kitchen. In no way am I or have I ever been 'the wife'. It has just worked for us.
ReplyDeleteSandra: Doing what each person does best (and what you feel comfortable with) is the way to go. Clearly, as you say, you've never been "the wife"!
DeleteI worked all my life. My final tally showed a social security contribution every year from age 17 through to my seventies, when I took a government job that had a different retirement system. That included two pregnancies. And one ex-husband who could never find work that suited him.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: You've done well. Especially coping with a husband who couldn't find "suitable work".
DeleteIf I hadn't been able to be there for my son, full time, I'd be childless. The idea that "equality" means that women work outside the home to prove their "worth" is where feminism went wrong.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, at risk of igniting ire, Mama is the word. There is a reason why (the bond that forms in the womb). Watch the animal world. Five ducklings following Mother Duck down the river. Of course, there are wonderful fathers (my grandfather was one to me, my own father ... well, he wasn't bad though rather self centered) but what children want is their mother! There I said it. To palm your kids off to boarding school, kitas, child minders, whatever, moan and groan, rush, rush, rush, well, don't. Make a choice. Home, feeling secure and wanted, is where the heart/hearth is. Calm.
U
Ursula (I assume): I don't know much about the mother/child relationship and how important it may be - or not be. Certainly I think I would have had a closer bond with my mother if I hadn't been sent to boarding school for five years. From that point on we were never close. I think a lot of harm is done to children who're sent to boarding school. I don't see anything wrong with being a stay-at-home mother, if that's what suits you.
DeleteI was a stay at home mum with odd jobs on the side for years and years and I agree that the mother-child bond is designed to keep us close to our kids but I think it's financially impossible for many these days.
DeleteI'm not sure what my son and his wife earn, maybe about $1500/ week each. Their rent , in the blue mountains not Sydney, is $600
Kylie: As you say, a lot of mothers simply can no longer afford to stay at home because of the high cost of living. I assume that's $600 a week (£300 sterling)?
DeleteYes, $600 a week
DeleteIt never mattered to me or my late husband who was making more.
ReplyDeleteMary: You obviously weren't interested in such pointless gender roles.
DeleteI, with hindsight, find it sad that my mother 'could' not work after marriage as my father's position meant that it was socially unacceptable...and that that mattered for his career.
ReplyDelete