We know all the arguments for having children. You'll love their unpredictable ideas and comments and questions. You'll be invigorated by their physical energy. We need plenty of young people to keep the economy healthy and provide care and services for the elderly. And we hope our children will look after us when we're old and decrepit.
None of these arguments were strong enough to make me want offspring. Firstly, I have plenty of unpredictable ideas of my own. Secondly, I'm invigorated very easily and don't need any further invigoration. Thirdly, there are plenty of people to provide for the elderly, including all the young migrants the government is trying to keep out.
As for our children looking after us, that argument is highly dubious. In particular, why should children feel obliged to look after their parents, just because their parents brought them into the world?
And there's an assumption that people's children will be physically and mentally fit as well as happy to care for their elderly parents. But they may turn out to be disabled or seriously ill or mentally disturbed and unable to fill that role. They might be dead, they might hate their parents, they might live on the other side of the world. That optimistic assumption about being cared for is full of holes. And very presumptuous.
If other people want to have children, good for them, and I hope they get a lot of joy and satisfaction from doing so. Just as long as I can enjoy a restaurant meal without hyper-active children running amuck.
It's such a private and personal decision Nick. And PS the happiest couples I know are couples who remained childless.
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www: Interesting that the childless couples seem to be happier.
DeleteIf people don’t want children, they absolutely should not have them. There are way too many neglected children in this world.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Very true about all the neglected children. If you aren't 100% committed to raising children successfully, you shouldn't have them.
DeleteNick, you invoke the usual reasons why people have or have not children. I would see iit another way ,considering the ethnological and philosophical way .I could write pages and pages about this subject, I do not have the words in English to explain it correcty. We worked in so many countries and could observe the place children take in different societies. In Europe children are mostly considered as noise and trouble makers which for me is a poor statement. Deciding to not have children is perfectly ok and I will not try to find out why. We have friends without children and others with one,two or more. I always was and still are a passionate observer of children and their reactions and opinions , they are a treasure if you only would take time to listen.
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Hannah: I can well believe that in Europe generally children are often seen as a nuisance rather than intelligent human beings. And if they ARE a nuisance, the way they're treated by their parents probably has a lot to do with it.
DeleteNick, I' m not at all convinced. You will have quiet children and those who want to run around. It's the discovery of their body and the possibilities how to approach life. For a small child looking up to you is the vision of a giant . We should stop to incriminate always parents. A child is an independant being .If you cannot run and move as you want how develop your motroticité It's just that the adults (who were children once) wish to live a quiet life and caring mostly for their own wellness.Our view should be a bit more opened.
DeleteHannah
Hannah: I see motroticité means motor skills. Okay, I accept what you say about children developing their motor skills, discovering their bodies, discovering life's possibilities etc. Since I'm not a parent, I probably have all sorts of mistaken ideas about parenting!
DeleteI'm not sure Nick, what you explain is what we hear all day long. So.of course when you have no children, what is absolutely ok for me, you can only get the echo of what society shows in general. There are of course kids that can get on your nerves, but it's quite easy to concentrate their attention on a multitude of things and you can see the result quickly. Our problem is that our patience is limited.
DeleteHannah
Hannah: It seems to me that people generally are becoming less patient and more liable to explode with anger or abuse or some sort of wild behaviour. A bit like badly-behaved children in fact!
DeleteMary says "Everyone should be able to choose for themselves whether they want kids or not. My family gave me a hard time when they found out I only planned on having one kid. My daughter only plans on having the one kid she has too."
ReplyDeleteMary: Nothing wrong with only wanting one kid. But people are so censorious. They should mind their own business.
DeletePeople should absolutely mind their own business. So many of my women friends never had children, and they had perfectly wonderful lives.
ReplyDeleteColette: Once again, childless couples who have had great lives.
DeleteAn elderly friend in France said that without children you have the relationhip you chose...with them you not only have the child but also society's expectations of their upbringing...it's an intrusion on the relationship you chose.
ReplyDeleteFly: Yes, other people's expectations of how you should bring up your children must be very wearisome.
DeleteI always expected to have children though I didn't feel hugely attached to the idea. When I did have them, it was mostly because my husband wanted them and I wanted to give him that experience.
ReplyDeleteAs it turns out, I have enjoyed them a lot more than he did and they have given my life a depth I would never have imagined.
I do hope I will have their assistance as I age, not that I want to be demanding but because they are the people I feel comfortable asking for help. Publicly available services are hard to access and only likely to get worse. I know single, childless people who became terrified as they aged. I don't want to be that person.
I don't love obnoxious children but it's a very long time since my peace in a public place was destroyed by a child.
To sum up, kids have been the unexpected joy of my life but each to their own
Kylie: It's good that you had kids to please your husband and then enjoyed them more than he did. Yes, single childless people must get apprehensive about their old age. Good point about feeling comfortable with family members rather than some unfamiliar public service.
DeleteI appreciate my kids now they are grown up because of all the things they do and have got me involved in things that I otherwise wouldn't have done. But, I guess your answer to that would probably be that I'd probably have done something else! So it really is a matter of personal choice, and just as well we live in a society where we have those sort of choices.
ReplyDeleteJenny: Yes, I daresay you'd have found something else to do. But don't get me started on choices and all the political disasters I never voted for!
DeleteMy only child is child-free and that is the right choice for her. I'm glad she realized that at a fairly young age.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: For a lot of people being child-free is exactly the right thing for them, despite all the pressures to have children.
DeleteI've known since I was a child that I never wanted to be a mother; even my dolls were never "my" babies. I was always their teacher, babysitter, etc., never their mother. Unfortunately, most people don't seem to be able to wrap their head around someone, especially a woman, not wanting children. One nice thing about getting older is that we're finally aging out of people saying annoying things like "it's not too late," "you'll change your mind," etc.
ReplyDeleteDanielle: All those bossy comments suggesting it's time to have kids must be so annoying. Of course as a man I've very rarely had the same comments.
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