He thinks this is a common male trait, but is he right? Men are supposed to be reluctant to consult a doctor or ask for directions or clarify a puzzling restaurant menu or seek help when they feel depressed or suicidal.
It may be true that other men are that unassertive, but personally I've never been shy of asking for help or asking questions. I would ask for help in all those situations.
If men think they should be able to solve problems without help, that asking for help means they're some sort of sissy or failure, that's ridiculous.
No wonder three quarters of suicides are males if men are reluctant to voice their feelings of hopelessness and despair and defeat to other people. I'm sure that if I was feeling as bad as that, I wouldn't hesitate to tell Jenny or ring the Samaritans - or both.
And I would consult a doctor straightaway if I had any seriously worrying symptoms. I wouldn't just shrug them off and hope they'd go away. It helps of course that I have several great doctors I would happily confide in.
I know women can be exasperated when a man refuses help even when it's the obvious thing to do. The enduring fantasy of masculine self-sufficiency and independence has a lot to answer for.
A bit of an outmoded stereotype.
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Ursula: How do you know that? A survey in June last year found that 64% of women had been to a doctor in the last six months, but only 47% of men.
DeleteUrsula: See the comments from Bijoux and Joanne!
DeleteHow large was the survey? And isn´t it conceivable that more women than men go to the doctor because their "apparatus" requiring more attention whether they want to go to the doctor or not? Men not needing the doctor as often so therefore they don´t go? Makes sense, don´t you think? And have they factored in STD clinics and their turnover? You´ll find plenty of men there. Trust me. Some of these surveys´extrapolations are questionable.
DeleteOf course, I can only offer anecdotal evidence but all the men I know (friends, family, whatever) are the first to google symptoms, deduce that they are now on their deathbed and make an appointment with the doctor asap, indeed demanding to see a specialist. It is hilarious. And then there is one, oh my god, a veritable hypochondriac who might as well set up tent in front of the surgery.
As to Joanne´s comment. That´s a completely different kettle of fish. Anyway, I thought everyone (apart from me) now uses Sat Nav. And, yes, I do realize that she probably refers to a time long gone. Hence why I said "outmoded".
U
Ursula: The survey by Business Insider was of 1000 Americans. A sex gap of 17% would seem too big to be simply women attending to their "apparatus". I've no idea if your doctor-seeking males are typical or non-typical, but at least they're following up symptoms that other men might ignore.
DeleteAnd I don't use Sat Nav either.
The flip side of that is people treating women as hopeless or helpless. I quit seeing a doctor who treated me as a case rather than a person.
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Linda: Yes, I gather that happens rather too often. Luckily none of my doctors (an all-women practice) treat me as a case.
DeleteMy husband never wants to ask for help and it is indeed frustrating for me to watch. I'm always the one inside a superstore having to flag down an employee to ask where something is. Why waste time?? He's also been known to ask co-workers about symptoms, rather than go to the doctor (or even ask me, for that matter).
ReplyDeleteBijoux: I always ask shop employees where a particular section or product is. As you say, why waste time?
DeleteMy sister and I had no problem asking for help, directions. Her husband the complete opposite. He will drive out an entire tank of gas rather than stop at a station for help. One time I even yelled at him to Stop this Car Right Now, and I got out and asked a bunch of teenagers for help.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Jenny gets very nervous about running out of petrol so we wouldn't hesitate to ask directions to the nearest petrol station.
DeleteNick, my husband as a doctor agrees with you. Boys were and are often raised to be tough, not to complain or weep , to be a real man, which is completely irreal. So when getting symptoms which may be a sign for a problem will be put aside. Wait and see. Men are as different as women but my husband noticed that in all situations and in all countries he worked for Médecins sans frontières, women were queuing to consult much more than
ReplyDeletemen.
Hannah
Hannah: That's very interesting that your husband as a doctor has consistently found that women are more likely to seek medical attention than men. Yes, this idea of the "real man" is pernicious and absurd. There are no real men, just individuals with their particular personalities.
DeleteI think Mr Blue is much more of a hypochondriac than me! And he will go to the doctor when ordered to, I just say: You'll drop dead if you don't get it sorted.
ReplyDeleteJob done.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: Nothing like the threat of an early demise!
DeleteThere's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.
ReplyDeleteMary: Absolutely not. But there are still plenty of men who fancy themselves as the "strong silent type", solving problems all on their own.
DeleteInteresting question. I think one reason is that a lot of men don't seem to enjoy communicating anything, they prefer to actually do stuff. I have noticed this in quite young boys compared with young girls too. Of course there are many exceptions to the rule.
ReplyDeleteJenny: Well of course you can communicate AND do stuff, but doing stuff fits the desirable male stereotype.
DeleteNot seeking help may be true for some males but I think this may be generational for some, cultural for others, a matter of finances for many — may well be more prevalent in men.
ReplyDeleteJoared: Not seeking help can have complex causes as you suggest. I think it's cultural rather than generational. As Jenny says, she's noticed it in quite young boys.
DeleteOdd that the men in my circle and past circles have been the exact opposite of what your survey showed. I was married to a hypochondriac who happened to be the son of a hypo as well and every blemish was a case of a doctor's appointment when a bandaid would have sufficed or a cough medicine. All my four brothers are vigilent on their health (not hypos) but have their various serious ailments attended to or operated on. I know this because of weekly Zooms and "organ recitals," as we are all aging. Cancer has been caught in time, etc. In my wider circle of men they are rigid about annual medicals and grateful that prostate/heart/lung stuff has been caught in time.
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WWW
www: Interesting that so many family members are very health-conscious and will rush to the doctor if anything bothers them. So it seems all you can say is that some men are reticent, some are assertive.
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