Friday 12 March 2021

Should I vent?

There's a general assumption that it's healthier to vent your emotions as much as possible, and that suppressing them is bad for you. You shouldn't "bottle it all up" or "keep things to yourself", you should let it all out - no matter how startling or awkward it might be to others.

But is such openness as healthy as it's said to be? Is it really a good idea to be seething with rage or collapsing in tears or voicing jealousy and hatred? Does that actually make you happier or calmer or better at coping with life?

Of course I would ask that, wouldn't I, as someone who tends to be emotionally restrained and not publicly displaying my feelings for all to see. But I'm not convinced laying it all on the line would be helpful.

I once had a workmate called Helen who was permanently angry. Just about anything would set her off, and all day she'd be raging about one thing or another. I couldn't see that being at constant boiling point did her any good. She just looked perpetually frazzled and worn down.

I had another workmate called Pat who felt forever cheated and swindled, complaining ceaselessly about all the awful things that had happened to her, all the ways she'd been mistreated and taken advantage of. It may have been largely true, but even if the rest of us were sympathetic, it was exhausting listening to this depressing litany all day. And it clearly didn't help her to be so habitually overwrought.

Am I somehow depleted by being only sparingly emotional? Would it do me good to give my emotions free rein? Would I enjoy spluttering with anger or seething with jealousy? Somehow I doubt it. I'm quite happy the way I am.

34 comments:

  1. "“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

    ~ Viktor E. Frankl

    I have made a deliberate attempt at training myself over many years to increase the space between stimulus and response and today can say truthfully that it takes a great deal to disturb me into reacting with rants.

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    1. Ramana: Indeed, we can choose how we respond to events. We're not powerless to control our own thoughts and emotions.

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  2. Cruelty, whether physical or mental, will arouse a response in me, I find, but otherwise I see no point in blasting off to an indifferent world, bad though my temper might be.

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    1. Fly: I agree. Blasting off seldom gets the result you're hoping for. In most cases other people just shrug off your outburst as a bit of weirdness.

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  3. I think Pat and Helen might have benefitted from seeing a therapist.
    I get very high pitched and squeaky when I vent, which others find amusing - and then the dog tries to sit on me to shut me up.
    Sx

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    1. Ms Scarlet: Therapy is clearly what they needed, but I doubt if either of them would be persuaded. They were probably too addicted to their present behaviour patterns.

      Your dog has the right idea!

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  4. Those types of people are exhausting to be around.

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    1. Bijoux: You're telling me. A constant deluge of emotions is pretty overwhelming.

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  5. I once knew a lady very much like "Helen." I told her that attitude was very much a choice. She got pissed and argued that, "No, it isn't."

    I shared an office with a guy like "Pat." Everything that happened to him was someone else's fault and Management was out to get him.

    Me... I'm just a mellow, laid back kind of guy. Life is easier that way.

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    1. Mike: Attitude is very definitely a choice. And the guy clearly needed professional help with his paranoia. Mellow is a good way to deal with life.

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  6. So very true about the recipient of all these "feels", it wears a body down. I think we learn bad habits and one is attitude. The entire world passes me when I drive. I've become that pokey older driver and my opinion is I will get there when I get there. I feel a bit of satisfaction when I pull up beside the passer at a red light. All that impatience got them no where.
    I'd keep a stiff upper lip and write down my frustrations. They often stay on the page and you can walk away feeling better.

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    1. Ann: Ha, I'm with you on the speed merchants who're caught by the traffic lights. It's so amusing to see them stationery and fuming.

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  7. Not venting doesn’t mean suppressing our feelings. I don’t vent, if I have strong feelings I listen to what they have to say and change what I’m doing if that’s appropriate.

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    1. Jean: No, it doesn't. There's a difference between being aware of your emotions and expressing them. Usually I only show my emotions if I feel very strongly about something.

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    2. The trick is to understand yourself and the situation well enough that you can express yourself effectively.

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    3. Jean: I agree. People who fly into an instant rage without bothering to fully understand what they're raging about are wasting their energy.

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  8. I don't vent like the woman in your image but I do have a bit of a rant now and again. Being angry and aggressive isn't nice. I think many of us know or knew someone like that - I quickly distanced myself from the negativity.

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    1. Polly: Someone that angry must alienate virtually everyone they come across. It never dawns on them how their behaviour affects others.

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  9. People that have no filter are exhausting to be around.

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    1. Danielle: They certainly are. They have so little insight into the way they're behaving.

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  10. It's been a long time since my anger boiled over. Maybe because my husband has learned to listen sooner so I don't get to that point of needing to yell to be heard?

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    1. Linda: I'm glad your husband has become a better listener! So many men only listen to women with half an ear.

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  11. It's easier on your lungs, throat, heart not to be bothered with venting. Had you no male workmates who were unhappy?

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    1. Joanne: Good question. I can't think of any off-hand. They all had a moan from time to time, as we all do, but never to the same extent.

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    2. Joanne: I just remembered a bookshop manager called Jonathan who was perpetually angry, finding fault with everyone's work and saying we weren't being "productive" enough. He got his come-uppance when he was abruptly replaced with someone less abrasive.

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  12. I prefer someone who "vents" over a cold fish.

    U

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  13. Getting caught up.

    I believe there is a massive distinction between those who are massive whiners and those who are honest in their emotions.

    People who keep everything bottled up are unknowable and lack any kind of deep friendships.

    XO
    WWW

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    1. www: Indeed, if you keep everything bottled up, nobody will ever know the real you.

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  14. I'm not a very emotional person so I don't vent all that much. Some people I think need to learn to be calm rather than vent in the wrong way. Actions have consequences.

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    1. Mary: A lot of people need to calm down and behave sensibly rather than going off like firecrackers at the slightest provocation.

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  15. Yes, I have gotten quite angry at times, but it has been more at myself than directed at anyone. By nature, I am not someone who would yell or scream even at annoying telemarketers who interrupt dinner with a call. Luckily, our phone is now smart enough to recognize such intrusions.

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    1. Beatrice: I'm not an angry person at all. My father was always bad-tempered and I vowed early on not to be that way myself. And like you, I don't rage at cold callers, I just politely tell them I'm not interested, or end the call.

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  16. Perpetual ranter and ravers can create a toxic environment, not to mention the adverse effects on their own mental health. I read recent medical studies countering the idea we should always outwardly express all our anger. There are limits to what listeners should accept from such people. At some point minimal responses to not encourage them may be appropriate, or even silence might be in order. Such people can be different than those whose attitude reflects a full range of emotions.

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    1. Joared: Like you I try not to engage with perpetually angry people, they're just an emotional drain. They must go to bed exhausted from all that high-octane emotion.

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