It's easy to take privacy, and all that goes with it, for granted. It seems like an absolutely routine thing, but millions of people around the world have little or no privacy. People in refugee camps, in shanty towns, in boarding schools, in large families crammed into tiny flats.
I take for granted that I live in a large house with one other person, and any time I like I can hide away in one of the rooms and do my own thing. I can swear for half an hour or watch kittens on Youtube or stuff myself with chocolate. I can read a book for as long as I fancy without interruptions. I can think interesting thoughts without someone badgering me.
It gives me a degree of freedom that a lot of people don't have. When I'm on my own, I don't have to worry what other people think of me, whether my behaviour is "appropriate", or what's expected from me. I can do what I like without the obligations that come with constant company.
But many people don't enjoy that advantage. If they're always surrounded by other people, they have to keep adjusting to what those people demand, which they may or may not be comfortable with.
During my five years at boarding school. there was no way of escaping the other boys or avoiding their endless scrutiny. At times it could be embarrassing or even humiliating. I couldn't wait for Sundays, when we were allowed an hour of privacy to do whatever we wanted. When I left school and was no longer being watched every minute of the day, I went a little mad with the sudden sense of personal freedom.
Privacy is a luxury. It's something many people can only dream of.
NB: Of course I'm referring to physical privacy rather than data privacy, which is a whole different subject.
It truly is a gift. One of the hardest parts of motherhood for me was the lack of privacy.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: I can imagine the frustration when you have kids pestering you all day every day - however lovable they may be.
DeleteIndeed it is a priceless gift to have such privacy. I too have experienced communal living and now value my home which offers me great privacy and solitude whenever I need it.
ReplyDeleteRamana: I lived very briefly in a shared flat where my flatmates' friends were constantly coming and going at all hours. It was awful. I stuck it for a few weeks before moving out.
DeleteI am not sure how I would cope with having others in close proximity...badly, I suspect.
ReplyDeleteFly: You're lucky you haven't been in close proximity to other people. How did you manage that?
DeleteI worked alone, just met up with colleagues for a brief good morning, a drink in the evening and the occasional party...clients did not disturb me apart from meetings...and after student days in the Flattleship Potemkin I lived alone until meeting Leo..another private person.
DeleteFly: That may be why some people prefer working from home - they don't have to chit-chat to workmates they have no interest in.
DeleteI so value my privacy and fortunately I live in a building which is super quiet and the birds can be heard all day and socializing is available if you want it (which I don't).
ReplyDeleteI've lived running my home as a boarding house and then a few years back as a B&B so I value it even more now.
I always recognise my own privilege though.
XO
WWW
www: I guess you'd have to fond of company to be running a B&B - you wouldn't get much time to yourself.
DeleteThat's very true. When I was 17, my brother and I lived in a very small one room trailer with our mom. The tables converted into beds and the closet had been converted into a shower/toilet. There was no privacy there.
ReplyDeleteMary: That sounds like a pretty tough situation. You must have been relieved to move into somewhere a bit more spacious.
DeleteOur apartment has a kitchen, living room, bedroom and bath. Not a lot of room for privacy. Maybe that's why I like being with Dave but avoid most face to face interaction with other people--a full day of interacting with Dave is enough for me.
ReplyDeleteLinda: Oh dear, a day of Dave is enough! Jenny and I are together all day but we get on very well so it's not too much of a strain!
DeleteEnough does not imply strain. It is simply the right amount.
DeleteLinda: My apologies. I misunderstood you.
DeleteWhen I was a child, we three children retreated to our rooms for privacy. Mine was upstairs, which was not heated, so I spent the winter under covers day and night. My brothers' room was downstairs, and heated. I never considered their lack of privacy. Wonder if they missed it.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: My sister and I had different bedrooms so it was easy to get a bit of privacy - as long as my mum didn't want me to do some domestic chore!
DeleteMy communal living was all while in the Navy... first boot camp, then a school for the specialty I was assigned and, months later, on board the submarine (140 guys in a metal tube 400+ feet long and ~30feet in diameter for 90 days at time on a total of 6 North Atlantic patrols).
ReplyDeleteWhile in the specialty school, I had $500 go missing, money that I had just borrowed to buy wedding rings for Karen and I.
It turned out okay, though. One of the guys I shared barracks space with had seen where I had placed the check and pilfered it... as a joke. I was more than a little pissed, but glad to get it back.
Most of my life, though, I've had all of the privacy I could ever want... Quite unlike many in this modern social media world where some don't hesitate to share anything and everything.
Mike: You'd have to be okay with company to survive that 90 days on a sub! I don't think much of the so-called joke about your cheque.
DeleteYes, I don't understand this compulsion to air absolutely everything, even the tiniest personal trivia.
I can't understand why anyone would want to be famous. Not me!
ReplyDeleteJean: Me neither. I can think of nothing worse than being stalked 24/7 by the paparazzi and social media bullies.
DeleteWhen I left school and was no longer being watched every minute of the day, I went a little mad with the sudden sense of personal freedom.
ReplyDeleteGod, I can relate to that! Having time to myself is a luxury that I will never tire of.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: My parents were quite shocked at times at the things I got up to after leaving school.
DeleteI think the only person I could live with would have been my Bob. we respected each other's privacy. I would go crazy if I didn't have it now. I love the quiet and to hear Nature. it keeps my sanity. the sheer NOISE anymore can disturb me. loud music piped in wherever you go! I guess everyone loves it. time marches on. :) at least I can stay home. I don't take it for granted!
ReplyDeletenice post Nick. as always. xo
Tammy: I know, everywhere you go nowadays there's noise and Musak. It's great walking on the Stormont estate where it's quiet, there aren't too many people and nobody's going to talk to me (or Jenny).
DeleteEven though we have downsized to a single floor apt, we can still manage to be alone and doing our own things. My husband grew up as an only child and is quite used to solitude.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: That sounds good. I'm also used to solitude, as I spent a lot of time on my own as a child.
Delete