Tuesday 21 July 2020

I'm just me

I've never felt in any way "masculine", and I'm not drawn to any of those things men are supposed to be passionate about. When men talk about being more masculine or more manly, I couldn't care less. It all goes right over my head. I have zero interest in
  • Football
  • Cricket
  • Fast cars
  • Gadgets
  • Flirting with women
  • Sexual prowess
  • Heavy drinking
  • DIY
  • Action movies
  • Technical stuff
  • Being the "top dog"
  • Extreme sports
Of course there are certain masculine behaviour patterns I'm obliged to follow to avoid being ostracised by polite society. And there are things I do quite unconsciously because they were endlessly drummed into me when I was growing up. All men are sexist to some degree, whether they realise it or not, just as white people are all racist. The trick is to suss out those sexist habits and suppress them.

It seems to me that being a civilised human being is more important than being masculine, especially if being masculine means harassing and mistreating women. Behaving decently does more good than trying to be on one end or the other of an entirely artificial spectrum. I'm just me and I can't be bothered to chase after some dubious behavioural norm.

Every so often there's a major debate about what it means to be masculine, how masculinity can be "detoxified", why men feel insecure and confused etc. To me these debates seem quite pointless, when the simple answer to all the confusion is surely, stop pursuing false goals, just behave like a normal intelligent human being and you'll be fine.

Fortunately I always gravitated to workplaces where the men had as little interest in being masculine as I did. They never thought me peculiar for being a light drinker, ignoring the big match, or not gawping at someone's tits. What they enjoyed was witty conversation, idle gossip, good food and weird haircuts.

Masculinity? You can keep it.

39 comments:

  1. I'm a little bit interested in DIY and technical stuff, and some gadgets are very useful, but I wouldn't mind if sport was committed to room 101.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ms Scarlet: Me too. I especially don't like some big sporting event taking priority over my favourite TV programmes.

      Delete
  2. I probably wouldn’t be interested in a list of Feminine generalizations, either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bijoux: Indeed. I know many women are as turned-off by feminine stereotypes as I am by the masculine ones.

      Delete
  3. Most men are like you Nick. I certainly am.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ramana: Not sure about that. I think unfortunately there are still plenty of men who strive after some masculine ideal, to the detriment of all those around them.

      Delete
  4. Gadgets, action movies, technical stuff and DIY. That's me, but Karen also goes for some gadgets and is also DIY, plus she will go for an action movie as often as I do.

    The rest of that stuff.,,, pffft!

    Not long after we got together we were shopping for stuff for our apartment and saw some really neat stained glass lamps on a shop in Mystic, Connecticut. After looking at how they were put together, we decided we could do something like that, so we taught ourselves how... and did.... and that's when we really started doing things ourselves.

    So far as "as white people are all racist," that statement would really piss my daughters and granddaughter off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mike: Interesting explanation of how you got into DIY. What other things have you made yourself?

      I won't amplify my remark, it could open a very big can of worms!

      Delete
    2. Two story barn-style workshop without any plans, hanging shelves without visible support, dining room addition -- it started out to be a screened in porch, large front porch that stretches the length of the house, all of the basic electrical and basic plumbing in the house.

      Most of the people that did what I did in the Navy and in civilian life could have filled the bill for being a jack-of-all-trades. We had formal training in mechanical and electrical as well as reactor theory, heat transfer and fluid flow, thermodynamics, and chemistry.

      Delete
    3. Mike: I'm very impressed! That's an amazing array of skills you've picked up. One major benefit of having been in the Navy.

      Delete
  5. " just behave like a normal intelligent human being and you'll be fine."
    if only that could be true! for ALL of us. right NOW!
    maybe someday. hold the thought and keep on keeping on.
    so much of it is through the teaching of competition and comparison ad infinitum ad nauseum.
    it just drains the joy from simple happy LIVING! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tammy: Competition and comparison are very destructive. They encourage us not to be ourselves but to copy others.

      Delete
  6. I’m with Mike, “all white people are racist”? Another damaging stereotype.

    I’ve never fit into someone else’s mold and I’m not about to start now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean: I won't expand on that remark, it could turn into a very complicated debate! But you certainly don't fit into anyone's mould.

      Delete
    2. Friendly advice: It's best to speak for yourself and not stereotype if you don't want to start a discussion. It seems to me this post is about seeing people as individuals and not stereotyping.

      Delete
    3. Jean: The point is that all white people benefit directly or indirectly from a system of white privilege. They may not be consciously aware of those benefits, but they gain from them all the same. For instance, when a white person is given a job while an equally well qualified black person has been rejected.

      Delete
    4. I agree with Jean's "damaging stereotype".

      To add, trust me, there is an inverse racism directed from those not white to those white. And before you misunderstand, I do realize that there is a power imbalance that needs to be addressed.

      U

      Delete
    5. I'm well aware that the system is unfair, and I think we should be doing something concrete to change that. I just don't buy into some people's agendas, I think they are on the wrong track: The False Promise of Anti-racism Books

      Delete
    6. Jean: Two very thoughtful articles. I've emailed you about them. They both have interesting things to say about racism and what's being done about it.

      Delete
    7. 𝘽𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙎𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙣 1967 𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙜𝙚 15, 𝙄 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙇𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙈𝙚. 𝙄𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢 𝙢𝙮 𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙞𝙨𝙢 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙖 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨.

      Delete
    8. Mike: That must have been very educational. I used to live in London, with its large black population, but here in Northern Ireland there are very few blacks so racism is seldom openly mentioned. But there are sporadic threats and acts of violence against foreigners, including attempts to drive them from their homes.

      Delete
  7. Well I'm a gender abolitionist as you know and these stereotypes of what male and female are irritate the hell out of me. Women reduced to stilletos and lipper and a good dye job? Puhleese.
    More of it these days with children being raised in pink ballerina outfits and manly batman costumes.

    We are so regressive.

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. www: What's really strange is the number of people who seem to relish being as typically masculine or feminine as they can. The grunting body-builder or the frilly Barbie Doll.

      Delete
    2. WWW, we are so regressive! now, what do you think of this trend of little girls wearing shorts under dresses?

      Delete
    3. Kylie: I guess they're wearing shorts under dresses to avoid unwanted attention from leering males. How appalling that such precautions should even be necessary.

      Delete
    4. What a strange thing to ask, Kylie. It's not a "trend". It has tradition. I am so last century yet my mother, an advocate of short dresses and skirts, always made sure we wore something more substantial than knickers, usually the same fabric and colour as our dresses.

      U

      Delete
  8. I wonder why some people hanker after the stereotypes. Are they not at ease with themselves?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fly: Clearly not. Presumably if they aren't secure in their own identity, being "masculine" seems like something that will "firm it up".

      Delete
  9. I'm a staunch promoter of someone in the house being able to assemble the flat packs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joanne: Fortunately we've only had to wrestle with flat pack assembly two or three times. On one occasion we actually paid the delivery guys to assemble the two chairs for us!

      Delete
  10. You know what is so sad about your usual and as always typical stereotyping? You put people into boxes. Tainting them with a broad brush. Whilst, naturally, setting yourself apart as if you were some sort of superior being.

    I don't know what you mean by "masculine". Fact is, and there is no denying it (ask a neurologist) that hormones do different things to either sex/gender. Testosterone is powerful. It drives. Think F1 (racing), think wrestling, boxing, think anything. Nothing to do with social conditioning. We are who we are. And we'd all be much happier if we just accepted that fact.

    To put it bluntly, from this woman's point of view, don't hand me a wet towel.

    U

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ursula: As usual, you totally misunderstand what I'm saying.

      Delete
  11. My husband is only interested in action movies and cars or technical stuff that pertains to planes and cars from your list of things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary: That sounds pretty masculine to me! Does that mean the neighbours always ask him to fix their car problems?

      Delete
  12. wow! this comment thread is a can of worms

    ReplyDelete
  13. It's time, past time, for us to move beyond gendered expectations. With very few exceptions (pregnancy and breast-feeding, say), men and women shouldn't be bound by archaic gender norms.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent: Unfortunately genderism seems to be getting worse, not better. The obsession with women's physical appearance, the oppressive workplace dress codes for women etc.

      Delete