Friday, 28 October 2011

Humpty's damages

The colourful nursery rhyme character Humpty Dumpty has won £500,000 in damages for the serious injuries he incurred after falling off a defective wall.

Mr Dumpty was shattered into several pieces in the accident, and was only put together again after a series of painstaking operations by the country's leading surgeons.

The controversial egg-shaped celebrity, beloved by children everywhere, sued Bodgit Builders for the loose bricks that caused the fall and Topnotch Properties for not placing warning signs about the state of the wall.

Barrister Olive Oyl, representing Mr Dumpty, said her client had innocently climbed the wall and sat on the top in order to watch a display of Morris Dancing.

Imagine his horror, continued Ms Oyl, when the wall began to collapse and Mr Dumpty tumbled unexpectedly to the pavement. The combined trauma of the fall and the gruelling remedial surgery had left her client profoundly traumatised as well as permanently frightened by brick walls and other brick structures such as houses and garages.

Her client would never regain a normal sense of psychic security and would be regularly troubled by feelings of deja vu, flashbacks and crippling panic attacks.

Barristers for the two companies claimed that Mr Dumpty was in perfect mental health and far from being traumatised had welcomed the unexpected fall as a valuable boost for his previously flagging career.

Judge Percy Popeye said it was quite clear Mr Dumpty was now a tormented and unsettled individual who would need therapeutic help for the rest of his life. He had no hesitation in awarding the popular entertainer substantial damages.

An ecstatic Mr Dumpty left the court hand in hand with his long-time boyfriend, Fred Flintstone.

Pic: Humpty Dumpty seen in Mesa, Arizona


  1. Kylie - About time he got some justice! F***ing dodgy builders....

  2. Good to see the long arm of the law stretching out to the delicate, yet portly Mr Dumpty before he was scrambled altogether!

  3. Somehow, this is what instantly sprung to mind for me:
    "And I wish her insight to battle love's blindness,
    Strength from the milk of human kindness,
    Safe place for all the pieces that scatter,
    Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters." (Indigo Girls)

  4. Humour and a great commentary on the so-called legal system. Could be why Dumpty's grinning...

  5. Grannymar - The long arm of the law has got the miscreants bang to rights.

    Secret Agent - Very good. I'm not familiar with Indigo Girls. Another band I must investigate.

    e - The legal system comes up with some pretty bizarre decisions. Usually after you've waited several years for a hearing. The wheels of the law grind exceeding slow.

  6. What? Fred was gay? does Wilma know?

  7. Myra - Wilma was gutted when she discovered Fred's real inclination. There were some very nasty scenes in the Flintstone household, I gather.

  8. Personally I think he should have been awarded a bucket full of salt.

    And to think that he had that going on with Fred Flintstone....

  9. Jenny - Bucketful of salt, very good! Yeah, him and Fred, who'd have thought it? It'll be Barney Rubble next....

  10. I am most upset about Pebbles, how did she take the news?
    I think Fred is merely after a sugar daddy, just wait till the money runs out....

  11. www - Pebbles was very distressed, she couldn't understand why daddy didn't love mummy any more. She thinks daddy has behaved very badly. A sugar daddy, huh? Could be....

  12. As Humpty lay their in pieces, he was heard to gasp - I can feel compensation setting in.

  13. Blackwater - Indeed, I'm told that was his very first thought as he hurtled through space. The pound signs were flashing in front of his eyes.

  14. Nick, as corny as it may sound, there is a blog post scheduled for the 2nd of November in my blog that should tickle you. An original Mr. Dumpty.

  15. Ramana - I'll look out for that.

  16. I always suspected the Flintstone marriage was a sham and that Wilma was just a beard.

    I'm glad Humpty got a decent settlement, although at today's prices, it won't cover his medical-psychiatric needs for more than a few months at best. But he's a good egg, and the brick people were clearly at fault.

  17. Heart - The Flintstone menage always seemed too good to be true. Fred couldn't suppress his real nature forever.

    Yes, I guess £500,000 wouldn't go far in the American health system. It would just about pay for a few brain scans.