There are so many unanswered questions that only now occur to me. For instance:
- Did she conceive easily?
- Was her pregnancy easy or difficult?
- Did she have a miscarriage?
- How long was she in labour?
- Was it an easy birth or were there complications?
- Did she have a a caesarean?
- Was I an easy or difficult baby?
- Did she adjust easily to being a parent?
- Did my father give her enough help?
So in general my early childhood is a bit of a mystery. All I really know for certain is that my mum got pregnant, gave birth to me and changed a lot of nappies (and they were the old-style cloth nappies, long before disposable nappies came on the scene).
Unanswered questions - the story of my life.
No, I don’t suppose she would have discussed those things with you. Most mothers tend to only share that info with close friends and then later with their daughters, once they are pregnant.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: I expect there were a lot of details she found embarrassing, so she never spoke to me about them. Or she thought I would be embarrassed.
DeleteComing as I do from a closely knit extended family from both sides, I have no unanswered questions about my childhood. Till very recently, in our family reunions, the most popular game was "Do You remember?"
ReplyDeleteRamana: That's good that you have no unanswered questions. I like the idea of a "Do You Remember" game.
DeleteI used to wonder similar things about my mum. In those days though people didn't talk about such things, or share experiences, and fathers didn't take much of an active part in child rearing.
ReplyDeletePolly: Even when I was older, and social conventions had changed, my mum was still silent on these things.
DeleteWhilst I don't remember the occasion, my mother told me all about my conception, the day, the place. It was both my parent's maiden voyage, taking each other's virginity. Fast forward a few decades and my father and I aren't on speaking terms any longer. Result. Still, I will always thank his ardour and my mother throwing caution to the wind. Otherwise I wouldn't exist. Not that I'd know about it - so, no matter. However, the Angel wouldn't be here either. Now that'd be a real shame.
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Ursula: Same applies to me. If my parents hadn't met at some social function in Cambridge and got mutually smitten, there would be no Nick.
DeleteI've been very close to my mother and as a consequence know many details except maybe the conception. Lots of immaculate conceptions those days in that people just did not talk about sex.
ReplyDeleteThe one custom back then was that it was obscene to refer to a woman as pregnant. She was in the family way. Yet it was OK to breast feed in public. Ironic in that people flaunt their baby bump and we are hear about squabbles about establishments shaming some woman for breastfeeding there.
Ann: You had to be "in the family way"? Ridiculous! Yes, people are fascinated by pregnancy, but to see the baby publicly feeding is somehow repulsive.
DeleteI’m surprised to say that I know most of the answers to those questions. And I’m pleased about that. My mum had a miscarriage between me and my sister - I nearly wasn’t here.
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Ms Scarlet: Yes, that's surprising given how reticent women used to be about all that stuff. Sorry to hear about the miscarriage. My sister also had a miscarriage before giving birth to my niece.
DeleteMothers in those days generally did not discuss that list of subjects with children.
ReplyDeleteNot sure what "days" you are referring to, Joanne. In my experience, unlike now, in the olden days it was all out in the open, reserved for the girls as boys were chasing butterflies. Listening to my mother and aunts merrily exchanging birth stories, little detail was spared. I particularly liked when head circumference was discussed. To tear or to cut - that was the question. (Cut - it's easier to sew up).
DeleteSons, regardless of age, aren't interested in detail. For good reason. Not least because a "difficult" birth will induce guilt what you put your mother through to see the light of day.There is such a thing as too much information. The Angel and I laugh sometimes that it took us a cool twenty four hours before we parted for the first time. It would have taken even longer if he hadn't heard the midwife threatening me with a Caesarean. Obviously he didn't want to do that to his mother so he presented - in the nick of time. And, yes, to this day he is one of the most considerate people, possibly theeee most considerate, I have had the privilege to meet.
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Joanne: That's true. It seems that Scarlet's mother was an exception to the rule.
DeleteUrsula: I wouldn't feel at all guilty at whatever my mother went through to produce me. It was her choice to have a child, not mine to be born!
DeleteI don't know the answer to some of those questions you asked, but I do know a lot about my childhood. Even now I think of questions I wish I had asked my Mom -- partly about herself. I never saw her cry -- talk about stoic -- and she had plenty of reason to do so.
ReplyDeleteJoared: My problem was not so much asking questions as getting answers. My mum was extremely secretive about all sorts of things.
DeleteCoincidentally, I too did not know anything about my mother' previous pregnancies and miscarriages until after her death. Parents did not discuss such matters with their children and even years later, I never thought to ask my mother about childbirth. Perhaps it was because I never considered having children of my own and married in my 30s. But, more so, I think it was the "custom" of the time she grew up in and sadly I never though to break through those barriers.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: I never thought to break through the barriers either. I guess I just followed the prevailing attitude that "it's a private matter, nobody else's business".
DeleteBack in the 40s, caesareans were very rare. Twilight sleep (look it up) was still practiced, though I don't know how extensively.
ReplyDeleteWere you born at home? my understanding is that homebirth was common in the UK and is still more accessible than it is here
Kylie: No, I wasn't born at home, I was born in a small nursing home. Only about 2% of English mothers opt for home births. And I presume you disapprove of twilight sleep births? I know nothing about them.
DeleteTwilight sleep belongs to another time so I don't approve or disapprove. I mentioned it because it's possible you were born that way
DeleteHomebirth in Australia is 0.3% of births so I was right that the rate is higher in the uk
DeleteKylie: I have no idea if I was born the twilight sleep way. As I said, my mum was completely silent about my birth and how it went.
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