I've never been popular. I haven't ever been the centre of attention and never wanted to be. I'm perfectly happy lurking in the shadows. I may be likable, considerate, amusing, pleasant to be with etc etc, but that's never made me one of those sought-after individuals. In school football games, I was invariably the last one to be chosen for a team. I would be invited to parties to make up numbers rather than for my glittering personality.
Sometimes it's obvious why someone is popular. They're handsome, or pretty, or super-smart, or adventurous, or cheeky, or sporting champions. Sometimes it's a bit of a mystery. They just have some sort of charisma or flair that attracts others. Or they're simply larger than life, bursting with energy and vigour.
Some of the most popular people are also total scoundrels, but they're popular because there's often sneaking admiration for scoundrels. And some impeccably-behaved people aren't popular at all, being seen as colourless goody-goodies.
But I'm baffled as to why certain politicians, for instance, are hugely popular even though they're clearly spivs and crooks of the first order. They emanate some quality that wins people over, despite their vices.
I've never attempted to be more popular, even in my schooldays when being popular was seen as something highly desirable. I knew it was a trait you either had or didn't have. It couldn't be faked or simulated. I did't fret about what I might be lacking, I just got on with my life.
Quietly lurking in the shadows.
Thanks to Ramana for the idea.
Thank you for giving me credit for the idea Nick but, the take on the topic is as always your unique one with pearls of wisdom and whimsy thrown in for good measure. It is best that we leave the mystery of quite why someone is popular to stay mysterious as otherwise, we can get ourselves tangled up in endless arguments.
ReplyDeleteRamana: Oh, I love probing the things that are meant to be mysterious! It leads to all sorts of interesting insights and discoveries.
DeleteI never tried to be popular. That's not something I ever wanted. I doubt I would have been even if I tried. I like being left alone, not having more people both me because I'm popular.
ReplyDeleteMary: I also like being left alone with my own thoughts and pleasures. I would hate to be surrounded by a bunch of adoring fans!
DeleteIs it weird for me to say that I was popular in college? I was voted to student senate after running as a joke. I participated in a lot of student activities and knew a lot of people on campus, even though I wasn't in a sorority and worked 30-40 hours a week. I think my secret was that I talked to everyone and made friends easily.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: You could be right about talking to everyone and making friends easily. What that suggests is that people felt comfortable around you. Maybe that's one important ingredient of popularity.
Delete"I'm baffled as to why certain politicians, for instance, are hugely popular even though they're clearly spivs and crooks of the first order." The first name that popped into my mind - Tony Blair.
ReplyDeletePolly: I don't know about him being a spiv or a crook, though he certainly took some very negative decisions - like the Iraq War and introducing tuition fees. But I could think of better examples of out-and-out scoundrels!
DeleteI found him and his wife, with that inane grin on her face, odious.
DeleteI always thought I was invisible. I was surprised when I looked back at my childhood and teen years to see how included I was. I'm still surprised when someone I haven't seen in years recognizes me.
ReplyDeleteLinda: I was quite included at prep school but at boarding school I was always on the sidelines. I lost touch with my school friends a long time ago, mainly because I've moved around so much.
DeleteWow. Something I cannot remember contemplating since I was twelve years old.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: I don't usually contemplate it myself, but I was reminded of it by Ramana's post on the same theme.
DeleteI don't interact with people face-to-face much, but I don't think of myself as lurking in the shadows. I'm too busy playing with my toys and interacting with my online friends, often one-to-one so we can go into deeper conversations based on our common interests.
ReplyDeleteJean: So you don't think about "popularity" very much either! You're obviously very happy with your various interests.
DeleteMy, my, Nick. Hand me a hankie. Your self assessment admirable in its self deprecating. You are what you are. And what I are is highly visible. I never sought it. It's just how it is.
ReplyDeleteAs to sports and coming last. Oh dear, Nick, I don't know how anyone bears it. It must be horrible to be the last chosen. In fact, and it wasn't lost on my PE teacher (though the first time I did it she looked at me as if I'd lost the plot) when I was one of two team leaders doing the choosing I'd deliberately choose the "losers" first. It was a win win (for me): The stars' jaws falling in disbelief, the (potential) losers' faces lighting up. It was lovely. And I swear, inverse psychology, that just by being chosen first (vote of confidence) they upped their game. Not that we'd necessarily win. But then I have always been more interested in the process rather than the end result.
Greetings from Saint Ursula,
U
Ursula: How very unorthodox of you. No wonder your teacher thought you'd lost it. If only other team leaders were that rebellious.
DeleteI don't see many hankies these days. They went the way of waistcoats and cravats.
In this day of hard-to-find paper products. I have returned to using hankies. In fact, there's a batch of them in our washing machine right now.
DeleteLinda: No problem with paper products here. I would find it hard to go back to smelly old hankies!
DeleteNot being "popular" - i.e. included - can result in low self-esteem and loneliness.
ReplyDeleteI formed a team of "losers" when I was 12 at a private school where cliques and superiority reigned supreme and we had the most marvelous time in out own weird world. There were 6 of us and our reunion back in 2011 was a joy as we're still all weird but extraordinarily successful in so many ways.
I never gave popularity much thought though. Maybe you're talking adulation of some kind? Like cultish behaviour?
XO
WWW
www: Sounds like you had a great time at school. I wish I had found a similar group of weirdos to fall in with and have the same sort of fun. Yes, I guess by popular I mean something like cultish adulation or idolising.
DeleteIt can be quite interesting to look back to our school days and then fast forward to see what we all made of our lives, popular or not.
ReplyDeleteS&S: Indeed. I could only trace one person from my boarding school. It looks like he did very well as a solicitor, and he also plays in a rock band.
DeleteLooking back I suppose I've always been a loner...I enjoy the company of friends...but not too many at once or too often!
ReplyDeleteFly: Me too - except for Jenny of course. Like you, I don't like being in huge crowds of people. I much prefer an intimate one-to-one.
DeleteI was popular within my small group of geeks and oddballs! But then again we all were with each other :-)
ReplyDeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: As I said to Wisewebwoman, I wish I had found a similar group of weirdos to hang around with!
DeleteThe popular crooks are sociopaths, and sociopaths are notoriously charming.
ReplyDeleteAgent: I always confuse sociopaths and psychopaths, and I'm never entirely sure what the terms mean. All I know is, some total villains can hide their villainy very well!
DeleteI recall degrees of popularity at my school with the star athletes at the top followed by the girls who became their girlfriends. The rest of us kinda moved around in our own little social groups of varying size. We all seem to just accept the situation though I recall one girl floated between our little group and the popular set she aspired to joining. The rest of us didn’t care. All groups seem to get along with one another. Most had known each other since elementary school so some relationships had been forever. I didn’t come to that school until high school —my fourth school that year as we moved about the country. This was a rural area school, only one student in our class had a car. Wasn’t much socialization outside the actual school day so not your typical city or town classmates relationships.
ReplyDeleteJoared: At my prep school all the different groups got along with each other, but boarding school was different and there were very distinct "in" groups and "out" groups. As you say, in your case it must have helped that most pupils had known each other for quite a while.
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