I do get emotional, just not so frequently or so intensely. I can feel sad, or annoyed, or disappointed, or rejected, like anyone else. But I don't get in a boiling rage because the bus is five minutes late. I don't burn with hatred against someone who jumped the queue. I don't burst into tears because I broke my favourite mug.
There are lots of things I enjoy, but I don't jump up and down with excitement or hug everyone in sight or scream with delight.
But I wonder if such low-key emotion means I'm a cold fish - that I'm somehow a bit cut off from what's going on around me and don't have the normal responses other people have.
Or does it just mean I'm more philosophical, more phlegmatic, more able to take things in my stride and not get too thrown by everyday setbacks and accidents?
Naturally I go for the latter. Who wants to be known as a cold fish?
A real cold fish is surely very different - someone who shows no visible distress or horror or fragility even after something devastating like their house burning down or a terrible car crash or a dreadful medical diagnosis.
But I wonder if the more emotional types are living their lives more fully than I am, experiencing things more deeply and more vividly. Are they living at full throttle while I'm stuck in low gear?
It's a dilemma that no doubt I'll carry to my grave.
I think learning to not overreact comes with age and maturity.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: That's what I would call it, not overreacting. But some people think all reactions are healthy, however excessive.
DeleteWriting as a warm fish, I do feel very intensely but I only learned to do that when I emigrated and realized I had shut down my feelings due to childhood abuse.
ReplyDeleteI am glad I feel the pain of others without being co-dependent but empathetic. I seem to find the words to relate and comfort. Somehow.
And I do dance with joy periodically but also, the downside, feel sadness more deeply and despair now and again.
The normal annoyances of life that you lay out do not get to me.
XO
WWW
www: I may very well have shut down my own emotions due to a repressive childhood. But sadness is an emotion I feel a lot. It's a very sad world out there.
DeleteIt is a worthwhile dilemma to carry to one's grave. This is the first time that I have come across the phrase cool cookie. I have been called a cool customer all my life.
ReplyDeleteRamana: Not sure where "cool cookie" comes from, but "tough cookie" is similar - someone who's not too emotional and not easily hurt. You certainly seem to be a cool customer.
DeleteI was not brought up to show emotion...does not mean that I don't feel it.
ReplyDeleteFly: Exactly. I feel all sorts of emotions but I don't necessarily broadcast them to other people.
DeleteI experience a lot of joy, and I don't hesitate to show it --- I don't think anyone who knows me would call me a cold fish. Despair? I went through that in my adolescence looking at all the suffering in the world, but I figured my adding to it by getting pulled down and wringing my hands wouldn't be doing anyone any good. So I would help if I could but at least I could add to the net happiness in the world by doing my part.
ReplyDeleteDo things ever upset me? Of course, and I'm a great believer in "rocket fuel", using that energy to to something constructive. "Centered, creative, and constructive" is one of my mantras.
The first two items in Traits of Stress-Hardy, Resilient People are:
1. They have a sense of meaning, direction, and purpose. They are value-centered rather than reactive and defensive. They understand that emotions are great sources of energy and motivation but are often poor guides for action. Instead these people use their values as guides.
2. They realize that the quality of our lives depends on how we focus our energy and our attention. They try to align their thoughts and actions with their values. They know how to motivate themselves to take action.
It works for me, and it saves a lot of wear and tear on the nerves.
Jean: That's right, why add to all the world's suffering with your own emotional suffering? Better to spread a bit of happiness.
DeleteVery true about having a sense of meaning, direction and purpose. I certainly have all that. Also true that emotions are good for motivation but not so good for practical action.
I'm glad I don't experience things so deeply and vividly. That would wear me out. I wonder if that's part of being an introvert rather than an extrovert? My step-sister is an excitable extrovert and spending a weekend with her leaves me exhausted.
ReplyDeleteLinda: I agree. I find too much emotional drama very tiring. Interesting point about extroversion and emotion. I think there's an overlap but not quite a simple correspondence. I know introverts who're also very emotional.
DeleteIt takes to much energy to fling it all about. That makes you a conservative, not a cold fish.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Indeed, Being constantly on the boil emotionally must be exhausting. Not a Conservative with a capital C I hope!
DeleteI interpret "Cold Fish" differently to you. I have known cold fish who will show a lot of emotion (or at least anger, possibly rage) if THEIR house (one of your examples) burns down. Someone else's? It's nothing to them. Cold Shoulder. Indifference. "Pull yourself together" and worse.
ReplyDeleteIf there is one thing I can't cope with it's a "cold fish" or, to be fair, what I perceive as one whether they truly are or not. I can't put this too strongly. A cold fish will, literally, reduce me and my joy of life to almost nothing (till I regroup by pressing the rest button). If I entrust myself to someone, be it feelings or my thoughts, and I encounter a coldness [as perceived by me] that cuts straight to the heart it has potential to destroy me, momentarily. By way of example, there is a blogger who has shown me great kindness, yet I'd describe her as a cold fish. Contradiction in terms? Not so.
Considering what I "know" about you via your blog I'd say you are most definitely not a "cold fish". More lukewarm. JOKE!
I think of you as someone who is measured; maybe not exactly guarded but a little hesitant, cautious of people, possibly as a form of self protection. And whilst you appear to be able to shrug off those who disappoint you with little backward glance I do think of you as warm hearted enough to pass my muster. I don't think you'd make me shudder. In fact, this minute, I'd just love to go for a leisurely walk with you (it's balmy down here), exchanging views. You know one of those side by side so conducive to a good conversation.
U
Ursula: "I think of you as someone who is measured; maybe not exactly guarded but a little hesitant, cautious of people, possibly as a form of self protection." I think that's pretty accurate. But I can be very warm towards others if I trust them enough to open up and be myself.
DeleteA leisurely walk? Not much chance of that at the moment, me being in Belfast and you being in Southampton. Not to mention the current travel problems....
You know I have not been visiting your blog too long, but no, I would not have thought you a cold fish. I read the actual post a day or two ago...my first thought was you are a guy. My husband does not show a super lot of emotion....unless it is laughter. Or didn't before his stroke. But he is not a cold fish at all.
ReplyDeleteHe and his dad could always keep the straightest face while joking...and Roger will still start something just to get me aggravated...Will say what, several times and make me repeat myself till I look at him aggravated and there is laughter in his eyes.
As for myself...it is hard to judge myself....I am not cool as cucumber and do get excited...sometimes with joy and sometimes with aggravation. Songs and music make me cry...specially since Roger's stroke. At first I could not hear any music...even unfamiliar music brought the tears.
But For at least the past 20 years there will be certain songs that I love that make me cry...or the video in this post...it is just so beautiful to me.
Rose: That's a lovely bit of music. The one song that made me cry when I first heard it was Reflections on My Life by Dean Ford.
DeleteI can also keep a totally straight face when I'm joking. Jenny has been fooled a few times!
The one thing I do get very emotional about is sexism. It pains me that women are still so badly treated compared with men. Things like FGM, honour killings and gang rapes get me really upset.
I've never heard the expression "cool cookie. "
ReplyDeleteI CAN get angry or really sad, but virtually never do over small stuff. It's not worth it.
And I just saw your reply to Rose. I love that song. Do you know he did a remake when he was older that I think is more poignant because of his age? I listened to it a LOT when I was going through my surgeries and chemo:
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dn9bAvWS4RU
Agent: I agree, sweating the small stuff is a waste of time and energy.
DeleteI think it was you who acquainted me with this song when you were having chemo! As you say, it's more poignant now he's older.
I'm a cool cookie too. I feel emotions but am able to keep myself calm most of the time.
ReplyDeleteMary: Good for you. Too much emotion is pretty draining for all concerned.
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