Biting the bullet

I’m amazed at how many men still expect their wives or girlfriends to take care of all their personal chores, especially around clothing. Women are still expected to buy their men’s clothes, wash them, iron them, darn them.
 
That assumption went without question in my parents’ generation, and my mother took care of my father’s clothes. No doubt cursing his casual opt-out but doing what was expected of her anyway.
 
I’ve always bought, washed, ironed and darned my own clothes and I never thought of it as women’s work (Jenny and I wash our clothes jointly in the washing machine).
 
My attitude partly arises from being on my own in a bedsit for 7½ years. If I didn’t deal with all my clothing chores, nobody else would. I’d just end up with piles of filthy, nasty-smelling clothes. So I bit the bullet and did what I had to.
 
It seems there’s not much women can do about this forced labour, except to refuse to do any of it. But then you’d end up with more filthy, nasty-smelling clothes and the men would still refuse to change their ways. And fail to detect women’s simmering resentment.

Assumptions

I’m often over-estimated because of my posh middle class appearance.
People think I must have had a top job in some prestigious organisation.
Or they think I’m super-wealthy.
Or they think I live in some splendid mansion.
All quite mistaken.
I’ve always done humble jobs like bookselling and admin.
I’m well-off but not wealthy.
I live in a modest detached house.
 
It’s funny what people assume from my appearance.
I suppose I do the same in reverse.
I get other people quite wrong because of how they look.
I imagine people are poor if they wear very ordinary clothes.
When actually they might be loaded.
Or I imagine they’re narrow-minded if they look rather stern.
Which probably isn’t the case.
 
Then again there’s mistaken identity.
I was once accosted by a man who was sure I was a well-known actor.
I didn’t think there was the vaguest resemblance but he was adamant.
I had to insist several times that I wasn’t this person.
He finally gave in, but I don’t think he really believed me.
I invented an urgent appointment and made my escape.

I see the signs

I’m afraid I’ll get dementia.
I’m afraid I already have dementia.
I can see all the signs.
I fumble for words.
I lose my train of thought.
I have trouble concentrating.
I forget people’s names.
I feel vague and confused.
I don’t feel I’m fully functioning.
I forget how to do things.
I don’t understand what people are saying.
But maybe all those things happen to other people too.
Maybe they just mean we’re fallible human beings.
Maybe I hope for perfect behaviour and can’t accept it’s normal to fall short.
 
My mother had dementia.
My mother and father in law both had dementia.
So I’m not confident I’ll dodge it.
Dementia affects one in six people over the age of 80 in the UK.
I’ll be 80 next year.
I don’t want Jenny to have to look after me for years as dementia worsens.
I don’t want to end up a gormless shadow of my former self.
I don’t want my life to end in such wretchedness.
But dementia strikes at random.
There’s nothing I can do to stop it.
No vaccine.
No drugs.
No surgery.
All I can do is hope to be spared.

Instant cures

I get a lot of posts on my Facebook page claiming to have the cure for various medical conditions. I ignore them as I'm sure there's probably no such cure for the ailment in question.

Apparently a lot of people don't have much faith in doctors any more, yet they're prepared to believe unqualified "wellness" promoters online.

I prefer to trust someone who has spent many years qualifying as a doctor and not someone who simply claims to be an expert.

Yes, doctors can sometimes be frustrating because they can't give you any firm diagnosis or they insist there's no cure for the condition in question and all you can do is manage it.

Anyone who's so desperate for a cure for some absolutely awful condition they'll try just about anything is easy prey for the scammers.

I have no complaints about my own doctors (there are four doctors in my health practice and I may get any of them). They give me clear diagnoses, helpful treatment suggestions and useful health advice generally.

The health "experts" will have to look elsewhere for the credulous.

Past and present

I'm not generally nostalgic for some overall period in my past. But I do look back at the past in a divided fashion, partly remembering things I'd like to return to but also remembering things I absolutely wouldn't want to return to.

Things I'd like to return to:

• When you could just talk to someone about a problem and sort it out, without having to go online and negotiate some complicated website.
• Jobs filled on a more casual basis and not needing lengthy application forms.
• Property prices being affordable. And rental fees not being extortionate.
• Plenty of council homes for people who needed a home.
• Having most of what you needed within walking distance of your home. No hard-to-reach shopping centres and little need of cars.
• Food that was nutritious and healthy, and less ultra-processed food.

Things I definitely wouldn't like to return to:

• Rampant misogyny which was usually shrugged off as harmless banter or "just the way things are".
• Phone boxes and exorbitant long-distance calls.
• Widespread discrimination against single mothers.
• Pervasive homophobia.
• Laborious searches for information, before Google arrived.
• Washing by hand, before washing machines were invented.

I guess most people have the same sort of divided memories.