Okay, girls, as you know, men have helpfully informed you that if you wear certain clothes, and present yourself in a certain way, then obviously you're Asking For It. You're blatantly inviting attention in the Intimacy Department.So here's a handy guide to how to display yourselves to avoid any possible ambiguity and make it absolutely clear that you aren't in any way Flaunting Yourself. When going out and about, always make sure:
You have a crew cut.
You have nasty zits.
You have a nervous twitch.
You haven't washed for a week.
You have copious body hair.
You're wearing overalls and wellington boots.
You're picking your nose.
You're belching loudly.
You have a massive beer belly.
You're walking like a gorilla.
Then every man, even the most obtuse and moronic, will surely get the message.
However, the only downside is, you'll hate yourself.
The other alternative is to dress normally, deciding for yourself what you want to wear, generally something comfortable and attractive, and relying on What You Say and Common Sense to make your intentions clear.
Unfortunately this never works and sooner or later a man will again declare that you are Asking For It. It was the short skirt. Or the long skirt. Or the tight skirt. Or the loose skirt. Or the pencil skirt. Or the pink skirt. One of those. Damn, why are the rules so complicated?
And in case you're wondering, men themselves are never Asking For It. Men are just Going About Their Daily Business. Their dress and behaviour is of No Significance. Tight pants and bare chests imply nothing.
No, hang on, isn't it the other way round? Men are Always Asking For It. They think of nothing but sex. All their clothes have the same message. They just want to tear them off and get on with it.
No, that can't be right.
Funny, it all seemed so simple when that nice man at work was explaining it to me....
PS: Blinding insight. No wonder the dress code is so confusing, because it's a total red herring. What men are really saying is that being a woman is asking for it. The only way not to be asking for it is to be a man.
Next week: Why dressing in a certain way means you're dying for a cigarette
