Regrets seldom achieve anything positive. They only make you feel bad and stupid and thoughtless. And usually the thing you regret is over and done with and you can't rewrite the past.
I don't have any regrets, but there are many things I'd like to have done but didn't, which is rather different. And I don't wish I had done those things, I'm simply aware that I could have done them but for one reason or another I didn't. I don't see those things as a big failure in my life.
I'd like to have lived closer to my mum when she was going downhill mentally and physically. I'd like to have been able to drop in every day or two to see how she was doing. But I was 350 miles away in Belfast so that was impossible.
I'd like to have learnt to play a musical instrument, but I wasn't encouraged to do so and my first attempt at piano lessons went badly; my piano teacher declared me unteachable. But maybe if I'd tried again later in my childhood, it would have worked out.
I'd like to have been a successful novelist, but I simply didn't have the intellect or imagination or self-discipline to complete a novel. I did give it a try but after about 100 pages I hit total writer's block and couldn't get any further.
So I don't regret any of those lapses. I'm very philosophical about them. I could have done all sorts of things but for lack of talent or inclination or because of circumstances they never happened. So be it. Che sera sera.
Too many people berate themselves over regrets. It’s best to just move past it. I wish I had traveled more when I was young, but I just didn’t have the money (or time off from school and work) to do so.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: And now you're not to supposed to travel because it's bad for the climate!
DeleteI wish I had been a better parent but that would have meant being a different person and I did not have the ability to change who I was.
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: I suspect I would have been a pretty useless parent, but luckily I was never put to the test!
DeleteI don't believe that regret is pointless, regret can teach us a lot about what we value and what we might do differently on a similar occasion. I'm not suggesting we should stay in the pain of regret but that we need to listen to it and learn.
ReplyDeleteKylie: I think it's the experiences themselves that tell us what we might have done differently. Regret is rather an extreme reaction, unless you've done something really hideous.
DeleteI went through life with no regrets for many years. Then once, as an adult, I did something that caused my mother to cry, though she quickly turned away so I would not see. I realized on the spot that an action is like a pebble in the lake; it goes out and out and out. I learned to consider really important actions before I put them in place.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Very true that an action is like a pebble in a lake. All sorts of unforeseen consequences can flow from it. But then, if consequences are unforeseen, there's no cause for regret.
DeleteFly: I've travelled a lot so I no longer hanker after travelling. From now on I'll be quite happy sticking to places in Britain.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those who believes it's never too late if something "one might have liked to do" crops up in later life. I like the process of learning and am very grateful this hasn't ceased in old age. One thing I do regret is not having my granny live with us in Canada after my mother died, it all seemed so complicated then and we were all in such grief but I do believe that we would have been a comfort to each other and she would have been reinvigorated with my two little ones.
ReplyDeleteBut very few other regrets. Apart from one big one which I am writing about in a memoir.
XO
WWW
www: Retirement means plenty of time for the process of learning! Sorry for your regrets about your granny. But you did what you thought was right at the time.
DeleteMy sister who was 7 years older than I , disapprouved my marriage with Saïd
ReplyDelete(how can you dare to marry a Palestinian)..She refused to see me.
My parents tried after our marriage to discuss with her, but she closed the door. She died in 2019 and had cut all contact with me for nearly 50 years. I've always regretted not to have.been able to show her what a wonderful man Saïd is. I can imagine what she would have thought about what is hsppening in Israel and the Gaza strip right now.
Hannah
Hannah: I don't understand how people can go to such an extreme as cutting all contact. What good does it do anyone? It only shows their stubborn inability to consider opposing opinions and behaviour .
DeleteMs Scarlet says "I regret that I became a nicotine addict - a very expensive mistake! But as you say, Che sera sera. I met some interesting people in smoking rooms!
ReplyDeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: I smoked a single cigarette when I was a child and hated it so much I never smoked another.
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