Friday 25 November 2022

Tight lipped

I've tried very hard but I still haven't learnt how to be a chatterbox. I'm far too self-conscious to gabble away effortlessly and not be too worried about other people's reactions.

I listen to the chatterers spilling out their thoughts and wonder how they manage to do it. Are they just natural chatterboxes? Were they encouraged to chatter as children? Do they simply lack the inhibitions that affect others? I wish I had the secret of this very useful ability.

I'm far too aware of other people's possible reactions. Suppose I say something stupid or inappropriate or offensive or nonsensical? And will they be interested in what I'm saying or bored to tears?

Alcohol may loosen some people's tongues but not mine. A glass or two of wine doesn't make me more loquacious, quite the opposite. It's more likely to send me to sleep or block my brain completely.

I'm quite talkative if it's someone I know well and I don't feel they're judging me. Or if we get onto something I'm passionate about. If it's a total stranger and I feel scrutinised, I clam up rapidly.

In my case, the way I was brought up probably has a lot to do with my reticence. My parents and my sister were always quite tight-lipped, speaking only when necessary rather than pouring everything out. Entire meals would be as silent as the grave except for the odd request to pass the salt or the occasional hearty sneeze. My father thought conversation got in the way of eating.

The gift of the gab is a talent that I missed out on.

17 comments:

  1. I'm often surprised at what people are willing to say out loud. I'm not a chatterbox except when with my step sister who is--she gets me responding somehow and we talk until I get hoarse.

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    1. Linda? Yes, not being a chatterbox at least saves me from blurting out things I might regret saying later.

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    2. Yes, me. Sorry I forgot to sign it. I hate that your blog will only let me be anonymous.
      Linda Sand

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    3. Linda: If your comment defaults to Anonymous, you should be able to click on Anonymous, which then gives you a Name option.

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  2. I grew up in a quiet family, too. I became more outgoing by the time I graduated from high school.

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    1. Bijoux: I somehow missed out on that necessary transition.

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  3. And I grew up in a quiet family, too. Better to be quiet than inappropriate.

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    1. Joanne: Indeed. I've probably been saved quite a few ghastly faux pas.

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  4. I'm less reticent than I used to be. I've learnt to trust myself not to say anything inappropriate, and if I do I'm not sure I really care anymore! I've convinced myself that nobody actually listens to middle aged women so it doesn't matter a jot what I say.
    Sx

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    1. Ms Scarlet: Perhaps that's the key, learning to trust myself and whatever comes out of my mouth!

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  5. A quiet family backgtound here too....but in the days when I took buses it astonished me what people would reveal while chatting away.

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    1. Fly: I've heard some pretty amazing revelations on buses too!

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  6. I grew up in a chatterbox family . We had all sorts of discussions , sometimes even special discussions about a subject like politics, society, problems , behavior erc.. My parents were convinced and so am I, that speaking will.open your mind for others , for different opinions and cultures. We may sometimes say stupid things but we should never be afraid to express ourselves. I am getting through life ( I'm already 76) in that way and learnt a mountain of things about others and myself. We are social "animals" and what does bring life when closing your mouth ?
    Hannah

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    1. Hannah: My parents seldom discussed the big issues, neither did they encourage me to do so. I agree, by speaking our minds we encourage others to do the same and we all learn more about each other.

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  7. The secret to being a chatterbox, as many teen aged girls know, is to just say everything that pops into your head. We grow out of it as we mature and become more self-conscious, learning the hard way that we get on people's nerves with our incessant chatter. I admire people who "chat" less than me. There is an elegance to reticence. However, there are times when chatting is a useful social tool. I can still chat with the best of them if the situation requires it. Then I go home and crash on the couch.

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    1. Colette: Saying everything that comes into my head would surely leave other people a bit bemused. I do think reticence is often better than blurting out every personal thought or feeling, however banal or peculiar. But yes, chatting is a useful social tool and we need the chatterboxes to oil the wheels.

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  8. Mary: That sums me up nicely as well. Saying things online is much easier because there's no visible audience as there is in the rest of life.

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