I imagine they must be always scared stiff that their partner will sooner or later have a serious accident and end up either dead or disabled. It would be hard to take it in your stride when there's a very real risk that today might be their last day ever. And if you have children then the possibility of their losing their father is an added worry.
I had a friend once whose husband was a police officer, and I don't think she ever lost her terror of his dying on the job. He worked in a city where acts of violence were common and many police officers had been injured or killed.
The number of high-risk occupations is large. Police, fire fighters, the military, construction, bomb disposal officers, jobs involving hazardous materials, working in a covid ward. Plus the high-risk pastimes like sky-diving, rock-climbing, bungee-jumping and potholing. So there must be many anxious partners out there, trying to suppress their fears and just carry on with their daily life.
Do they try to persuade their partners to do something less risky or do they accept that they love what they do so much they couldn't possibly give it up?
Luckily neither Jenny or I have had high-risk jobs or pastimes. I wonder how I would have coped if Jenny had been a police officer, say. I suspect the answer is not very well. I would have had feverish imaginings of her being caught in some melee involving guns and knives and ruthless criminals. Carrying on with my daily life would have been quite a struggle.
Pic: Israeli police woman
I had never thought about it and after reading your post, I called up the wife of a very dear friend, a much decorated retired soldier with battle wounds what it felt like. Something that in all the years that I have known them, I had never asked. She immediately took off on a nostalgia trip and gave me some hair raising incidents and how she had coped with it. She also has promised to tell me more in detail when she comes over next. I am glad that it had never occurred to me to ask earlier.
ReplyDeleteRamana: I bet there were plenty of hair raising incidents. I hope you can tell us a bit more about them after her visit.
DeleteLike you, I don't think I would have coped well. I do admire the people who do these high risk jobs, and after reading this post I am reminded to admire their loved ones, too.
ReplyDeleteColette: I often think of all those health workers who are at constant risk of catching covid but they just have to cross their fingers and get on with the job.
DeleteWell, Mr Blue used to have to use chain saws on a regular basis - he had to get health and safety tickets before being able to work with them. Whenever he sees the public using DIY store chainstores he points out exactly what they are doing wrong - and sometimes what they are doing could affect innocent bystanders - so we are all at risk, all the time!!!
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, I did used to worry, but found that just getting on with my own bits and bobs was a better idea - he was trained up to the hilt, what will be, will be.
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Ms Scarlet: I would never buy a chainsaw, they're inherently dangerous and I'm sure that sooner or later it would end in tears.
DeleteHigh risk career people usually hang with others of their ilk as they can talk more freely about the risks they take. Of course addiction is part of the scene for many. Just to cope. I couldn't possibly do what they do on a daily basis, the stress would be too much. I date a fire captain for a while and his stories were hair raising. He retired early due to stress.
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www: I bet the fire captain had plenty of horrific stories to tell. I'm not surprised the stress eventually got to him.
DeleteMy father and his forbears were military men. One thing I remember my dad said about World War II, he was one of the lucky ones who lived through it. My older brother was a Vietnam veteran and carried baggage his entire life about the war.
ReplyDeleteWhen we did our DNA, we had it analyzed by Promethease and all of us had a warrior gene. I think it is in your blood. Myself, I am fairly cowardly. But I do think some who go into police work are not particularly fearful. The horrible things they witness do have an effect on their psyche.
Ann: A warrior gene? Is there really such a thing? It seems more likely to me that a military mindset is passed on through the generations. But it's complicated....
DeleteThere really is a warrior gene. If a male receives a pair of them, you do have to rear them carefully. Some of the items my father would tell my brothers makes more sense. I thought it was because they were large muscular men. He would emphasize that the human body is very delicate. Plus, they would be disciplined for getting into schoolyard fights. So it must have been a generational lesson. Just a little trivia. My DNA is primarily Scottish. I traced one family back who came with William the Conqueror who was a soldier. However, any genealogy beyond 1800 is a might fuzzy.
DeleteAnn: That's all very interesting. I've never bothered to check out my ancestry, partly because you can't guarantee people's parentage (children of affairs etc) so it all seems rather unreliable.
DeleteWhen my Dave was in Viet Nam, I just refused to think he might be at risk. When he was wounded I told myself that was over so I could stop worrying now. My friend who is married to a retired sheriff's deputy knew he would be miserable in most jobs so she accepted his need to be who he was.
ReplyDeleteLinda: You must have been very relieved when he was "retired hurt" and no longer at risk. And yes, some people would be miserable in the more run-of-the-mill jobs that most of us go for.
DeleteA lot of people would say Andy does risky things with chain saws, going up on the roof, etc. but neither one of us stresses about it. He does it because he loves it and it's different than being a soldier, policeman, fireman, etc.
ReplyDeleteJean: Yes, Andy does risky things but he takes great care so he's unlikely to injure himself. And as you say, he loves what he's doing.
DeleteI think they must think about the risk and be scared all the time.
ReplyDeleteMary: I think so. How could you possibly be nonchalant about such obvious danger?
DeleteIn the end, none of us can be sure our family will come home at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if youwould have seen it but six children were killed in a freak accident in Tasmania this week. Nobody thought that would happen but it did.
Your friend's husband did die, of a massive heart attack, at home. His funeral had all the ceremony befitting his vocation
Kylie: Yes, there was a lot of coverage here of the six children who died after their bouncy castle was lifted up by a strong wind. Absolutely tragic.
DeleteI read about her husband's heart attack on her blog. Brought on by the stress of the job perhaps?
Perhaps how a spouse copes may depend on whether their loved one was in the risky job before they wed so they knew what they were getting into.
ReplyDeleteJoared: Good point. If they were already in the job, it's certainly something you'd have to think seriously about before deciding to marry.
DeleteI don't think I could work in a high risk occupation and would worry all the time if I was married to someone who was.
ReplyDeletePolly: Me neither. I'd be a nervous wreck in no time.
DeleteI could never be married to someone with a risky job. I worry about my spouse driving to and from work on snowy days!
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Ditto when Jenny is driving around in terrible weather conditions!
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