But self control seems to have gone out of fashion long ago. Who even talks about it? And who boasts about possessing it? Very few people.
There's a general assumption that self control is a relic of a bygone age, an age when people were so full of inhibitions they never had any fun, never "let go".
More and more, people are encouraged to just do whatever they want, whatever they feel comfortable with, go wherever the urge takes them. Get as angry as you like, as jealous as you like, as belligerent as you like. If that annoys or offends other people, too bad.
I see people doing exactly that and it's cringe-worthy. They get impossibly drunk. They shout at shop assistants. They jump queues. They chuck rubbish everywhere. They drive like maniacs. They spout outrageous opinions. They ignore all the virus restrictions.
I don't mind admitting that I have a lot of self control and will power and I see nothing wrong with that. I've acquired skills I wouldn't have acquired otherwise. I've made the most of my abilities and the opportunities I've been given. I've steered away from things that could do me harm, like dangerous drugs or binge-drinking. I don't feel like my life has been crushed in the process.
Perhaps the pendulum will finally swing back and people will conclude they've been a bit too free-and-easy, a bit too self-indulgent, and now is the time to rein it all in a bit.
Perhaps. But don't hold your breath.
I have a volcanic temper, but realised from childhood that there were few occasions when letting it rip would be appropriate. At work I would just shut myself in my room where I could swear to my heart's content until the moment passed....at home, when it was my home and not that of my parents, I would just let rip...and do. But,clearly, there are far fewer occasions when something will annoy me on the home front. I gather I have terified an obnoxious neighbour here when upbraiding him for cutting bamboo on my property. My employee and his were most impressed by the sound and the fury. And in spanish to boot.
ReplyDeleteFly: My father had a volcanic temper and I lived in dread of the next explosive outburst. I resolved at the age of 10 never to be as bad-tempered as my father, and now it's most unusual for me to get angry.
DeleteIt's a fine line I believe Nick. Does self-discipline mean living a "safe" life? Not taking risks? Also addiction is not something anyone chooses. Much in line with "smarten up and fly right" which is the most unhelpful thing anyone can say to someone suffering from addiction.
ReplyDeleteCompassion is called for. We are all so imperfect.
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www: I appreciate that addiction is not something you choose. I guess I was lucky in that after a few horrendous hangovers I was able to curtail my drinking habits quite swiftly. And yes, self discipline can easily turn into self-repression if carried too far.
DeleteIt's a matter of balance. I think of myself as carefree (the apartment is often a mess and I cheerfully ignore it when I have more fun things to think about), but I also write a blog post every day, eat nutritious foods, exercise at least an hour a day while streaming entertaining videos, etc. I'm also very relaxed and focused when I have technical problems to solve. It makes me happy, and it's probably why I haven't been affected much by the COVID restrictions.
ReplyDeleteJean: I would say there's a degree of self-discipline in your daily routine, the result being more enjoyable and productive than just drifting through the day.
DeleteIt’s one of. Those things that the older you get the better you are at it.....until the third martini
ReplyDeleteJohn: Indeed, if there's anything guaranteed to remove all self control, it's having had one too many. Or ten too many.
DeleteI was such a repressed child it took me years to give myself permission to just do it--mostly having to do with playing. For instance, I used to buy our daughter Lego sets so I could play with her. In retirement, I finally gave myself permission to buy my own.
ReplyDeleteLinda: That's very unfortunate. And as you say, if you've been repressed as a child, it can take many years to reverse that. I'm still somewhat repressed myself.
DeleteNature or nurture? That’s what I wonder. I have never had trouble saying no to just about anything. I’m also stubborn, so maybe they go hand in hand.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: I guess self discipline is to some extent inherited as well as taught. I always picture you as an assertive person who's very happy to say no!
DeleteI believe self control, like many virtues, grows better with age. Remember, most young men's brains are undeveloped until they are thirty or more years old.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: True. I didn't have a clear idea of my self-identity until well into my twenties. But I'm not sure self control grows with age. My father had a foul temper right till he died at 70.
DeleteThat doesn't mean he had no control, it m eans he chose not to use it
DeleteKylie: You're probably right. When he decided to give up smoking, he gave it up just like that.
DeleteModeration might be best.
ReplyDeleteColette: I think that's exactly my guiding principle in life - "moderation in all things". I'm a bit of a Buddhist deep down.
DeleteI'd like to think that people would have some self control but that's not always the case.
ReplyDeleteMary: Some people seem to think self control is something that applies to other people but never to them.
Deletei think everyone has self control in the areas where they want to.
ReplyDeletePeople who blast anger usually do it to someone less powerful, which means they have to ability to rein it in around the people who have power over them.
Someone I know keeps a wonderfully clean house and has a regular cleaning routine which is stuck to with total fervour but it has occured to me that they are that way because of anxiety so what appears to be discipline is actually mental illness and they have no ability (or will) to prioritise other things when necessary. Thats not discipline, it's unhealthy masquerading as discipline.
Self discipline isn't a lost skill, it's just channelled differently these days
Kylie: I think you're right about selective self control, or being quite capable of it if the situation demands. And yes, I think excessive cleaning is masking anxiety. I can think of several house-proud individuals who are also anxiety-prone.
DeleteNo, I am nor shall ever hold my breath. You have more faith in the type of humans that you write about than I do. I actually despair.
ReplyDeleteRamana: I certainly despair of all those individuals who either still believe the virus is a hoax or don't think the various safety measures are necessary. Otherwise I don't feel despair, just bewilderment at the way some people behave.
DeleteI also have a volcanic temper - thankfully I have learnt to reign it in, but it can sometimes physically hurt!! The worst I do these days is send someone a curt letter and deliberately spell their name wrong in flouncy calligraphy.
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Ms Scarlet: Ooh, I'd better not get on the wrong side of you then. I might be reeling from the onslaught for several days!
DeleteI've pretty much adopted my Mother's teachings to me, "moderation in all things". I think it makes sense and has been reinforced after-the-fact any time I've exceeded moderation. Anger expression has been pretty much restrained by me but sometimes released in words -- not curse words though -- except for those I utter under my breath to myself. ha -- or maybe the first syllable of the word. It was ingrained in me that the only reason people used those words was their vocabulary was lacking to more precisely express themselves.
ReplyDeleteJoared: Moderation in all things has always been my philosophy as well. I'm incapable of taking things to wild extremes.
DeleteI don't think self-control is out of vogue. It's just that a subset of the population has been emboldened to be rude, obnoxious and even hateful. And they are so much more noticeable than those who are behaving themselves.
ReplyDeleteAgent: You might be right. The ones who misbehave and act like lunatics are always misleadingly noticeable.
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