But is that so? I can't help feeling that extroverts are actually the exemplar, the ideal, and that introverts may have their strengths but in the last analysis are a bit short of the basic human traits - like self-confidence, friendliness, sociability and openness.
Isn't it only natural to be gregarious, to seek out other people, to be able to chatter freely to them? Isn't it natural to feel comfortable in other people's company, to enjoy getting to know them?
And isn't it a bit unnatural to want to keep to yourself and avoid other people? Surely we're all essentially social animals?
I know introversion is largely inherited, and your upbringing can only modify it to a limited extent, so in the end we introverts just have to "suck it up" and make the most of it.
Of course we justify our difference by saying we think things through better, we dream up important inventions, we produce wonderful art, we're good listeners, we're more observant etc etc. But that seems more like making the best of a bad job than a convincing defence.
In any case, extroverts can be all those things as well, they're just more talkative and more gregarious while they're at it.
I happily hype up my introversion for public consumption, but deep down I always feel a bit of a social duffer compared to all those outgoing chatterboxes who love to be surrounded by other people.
I feel like the little boy trying to learn to swim, while all around me seasoned swimmers are effortlessly ploughing through the water.
There is a third category called ambivert which describes me very well - "a person who has a balance of extrovert and introvert features in their personality."
ReplyDeleteRamana: In that case, you're well endowed and you don't need to feel lacking!
DeleteI must be one too, Ramana. Every personality test I take puts me almost dead in the middle of the introversion/extroversion scale, although usually just slightly weighted toward the introvert side.
DeleteJennifer: I think we're all an introvert/ extrovert mixture. In some situations we're outgoing, in others we stay in the background.
DeleteIt’s like everything else in the world; there’s a me vs them mentality. I try to appreciate both types of people.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Personally it doesn't feel like me versus them, just that one personality is more desirable than the other.
DeleteWe can't all be chatterboxes. I've described myself as a gregarious loner many times. It fits. I also like Ramana's description. Good listening is part of being successful socially. And sharing honestly. But I despise small talk and walk away.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
www: I've never been a chatterbox. I get tongue-tied and self-conscious at the best of times.
DeleteYou surprise me x
ReplyDeleteJohn: I do? You imagine me as a happily adjusted introvert? Well, not entirely....
DeleteNot all introverts are like you. Andy is one and is very self-confident and relaxed when he interacts with others, but that’s not how he likes to spend his time. Kaitlin’s also an introvert, meaning it takes energy to interact with people all the time. That hasn’t kept her from having a high-level management job and being an excellent leader. I’m ambivert and a thriving in the COVID shutdown.
ReplyDeleteJean: I'm also thriving in the pandemic, but I do sometimes miss getting out and about and chatting to other people.
DeleteAnd “am thriving”. I’m doing this on my iPad and the print is small and hard to see. 🙂
ReplyDeleteJean: I gave up using an iPad as it kept not doing what I wanted it to do. It was software glitch central.
DeleteI used to be an extrovert. Now I'm an introvert. Of course, no one to talk to the last year hasn't helped.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: The constant lockdowns are not much help if you're trying to be more extrovert!
DeleteThe only actual difference between introverts and extroverts is whether people drain our energy or enhance it. So extroverts tend to enjoy being around people more than introverts do which makes them look like they are happier. But, they're not. Either type can well put on a facade. I'm always surprised when people remember me since I think I fade into the background.
ReplyDeleteLinda: I'm not sure that extroverts actually gain energy from being with other people. I've known plenty of apparent extroverts who at the end of some big social event complain that they're totally exhausted.
DeletePeople tend to remember me because I'm tall and thin!
Extroverts who are exhausted by gatherings are not extroverts. They are introverts trying to appear as extroverts. That exhausting or energizing result is the official definition of introversion vs. extroversion.
DeleteLinda: In that case there must be an awful lot of introverts faking it! The more I think about it, the less I agree with the energy explanation. I'm sure there are plenty of introverts who get listless and apathetic rather than bursting with energy!
DeleteRe your last aragraph, I would tend to ask myself 'why swim?'.
ReplyDeleteExtroverts remind me of the Hemulen in the Moomin books...
Fly: I'm not familiar with the Hemulen. Perhaps I should be, they sound like interesting characters. Very true that extroverts can sometimes be "bad at listening to other people’s opinions and completely lack a sense of humour." But introverts can be just as bad.
DeleteWhile I consider myself more of an extrovert, I have been happily more of an introvert since last spring. I do keep in contact by means of emails, phone calls and on blogging but am just not having much face-to-face contact as most others are doing. I wonder if all our social skills will have deteriorated by the time such contact resumes.
ReplyDeleteBeatrice: I think they may very well have deteriorated. We'll all be tongue-tied. My face-to-face contact nowadays is mainly with supermarket cashiers!
DeleteI'm definitely an introvert. I don't like being around other people at all. It's funny though because I like talking on the blogs and on social media.
ReplyDeleteMary: I like being around other people as long as they're not too demanding or full of themselves. But I need plenty of me-time as well. The advantage of blogging is that you can pick and choose who to talk to and for how long!
ReplyDeleteI think I’m an ambivert. Numerous factors come into play as to how outgoing I may be. Can be the mood I’m in, the people I’m with, the situation in general. There are times when I really welcome interacting with others, occasionally don't want heavy-duty conversation or even conversing about professional or personal topics. I also like having time for myself, too, so that seems a good balance for me. Since the pandemic, for no serious reason I have sometimes read aloud for a few minutes just to hear my voice if i’ve had several days without human interaction — then laugh at myself for having done so. The unexpected but welcomed phone calls having declined with so many friends having died in recent years have short-circuited my vocalizing opportunities during these times. May look forward for a bit to just casual conversation about any ol’ topic at a local coffee shop when this is over.
ReplyDeleteJoared: I'm basically an introvert but like you there are times when I enjoy company and conversation. I like the way you read to yourself just to hear your voice! I also miss my regular trips to the local coffee shop for a good natter with Jenny.
DeleteNo way. The world needs introverted, introspective people. In fact, introverts are more suited to the current pandemic. I really think it's inaccurate to describe one type as inferior to the other.
ReplyDeleteAgent: Certainly Jenny and I as introverts have coped very well with the lockdowns so far. We're well used to amusing ourselves and not feeling too deprived of company.
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