Friday 18 December 2020

Crush resistant

Can seventy somethings have crushes? Or are we much too old and world-weary for such romantic nonsense? Have we become immune from such over-the-top responses to other people?

The jury seems to be out. Some people say, yes of course oldies can have crushes. We haven't become so stony-hearted and emotionally tepid that such reactions are no longer possible.

But others maintain that oldies are much too savvy for such flights of fancy, much too level-headed. We see people exactly as they are and not through rose-tinted spectacles.

I was never a crush-prone individual, so I can't really say one way or the other. I think crushes have to involve idealising the other person, and I was never one for idealising people. I can only recall two serious crushes in my lifetime, and the second one was extremely fleeting.

The first was a server at a London restaurant I used to lunch at every day - The Stockpot near Trafalgar Square. In my late twenties at the time, I was smitten by her distinctive way of walking and her enormous self-confidence. I couldn't stop thinking about her. For months on end I kept telling myself I should ask her out but somehow never had the nerve.

The second was a woman who was interested in buying our previous house, when I was 62. I can't begin to explain my extraordinary reaction. There was something about her that totally threw me. I can only describe it as electrifying. She turned me to jelly so completely I could barely maintain a conversation.

However, that crush lasted about ten minutes because I never saw her again. It wasn't so much a crush as a helpless emotional meltdown.

But some people swear they've had constant crushes throughout their lives, even into their sixties and seventies. Can that really be true?

24 comments:

  1. Hmm. A recent crush came back to haunt me this year - sort of hilarious, sort of very sad.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ms Scarlet: Luckily mine won't come back to haunt me because we'll never run across each other again.

      Delete
  2. All of my crushes were from before I got married.

    They are all now old ladies, nothing at all like who I was once "smitten" with, at least the couple that I have found online. Another one passed away from a debilitating heart condition, according to her sister.

    A crush in these later years... can't recall any and don't foresee any.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mike: Very true about them all being old ladies. By now my server-crush is probably an arthritic old lady with hip replacements.

      Delete
  3. I have crushes - non sexual, I should add. Just a complete fan girl. Both men and women. Where I kind of hang on every word or admire how they wear hats and or sweep into a room in a floor length coat.

    Last one I haven't seen since covid but he is 30 years younger than me and a true renaissance man, actor, sculptor, writer and excellent dad to his 6 yo daughter. We have the most intense conversations and an unusual trait for a man his age, he really "sees" me. Crushes add spice.

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. www: I've had that kind of crush too, though I would call it an adulation rather than a crush. Like my obsession with Gina (see December 2007), who seemed to be effortlessly cool and calm and knowing. But I never fancied her sexually.

      Delete
  4. I wouldn’t be able to count mine from my younger years. I’ve only had one since being married and it’s been going on for 25 years. He’s a former coworker of my spouse’s and we socialize with him and his wife a few times a year. And yes, my husband knows all about it and he totally gets it! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bijoux: That's funny that your husband knows all about it and totally gets it! Very open-minded of him. I guess some husbands would feel hurt or jealous.

      Delete
  5. I have had some serious crushes in the past. I don't know if it counts as crushes but I do take a fancy to some TV/film characters. If its in our DNA I don't think we're ever too old to have a crush now and again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Polly: I've never had a crush on a celebrity, I guess because I know their public persona is not their private persona and any crush would be based on a glossy fiction.

      Delete
  6. Not a crush exactly, but I saw Frank Finlay play Iago to Olivier's Othello on stage and his looks struck me then and continued to do so for many years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fly: He was certainly very good-looking in his prime. Lots of crush potential!

      Delete
  7. Oh, yes! Only a couple of years ago, last one. Looking forward to a new one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joanne: Good for you! I feel quite deprived now. When is my next crush going to appear?

      Delete
  8. I don't know. I never had one after my marriage. Not even after my wife died eleven years ago when I wsa 66.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ramana: You're even more crush-resistant than myself! But what about *before* your marriage?

      Delete
    2. I didn't have crushes. I did something about them.

      Delete
    3. Ramana: Very sensible of you. Just what I should have done with the server-crush!

      Delete
  9. I recently made a laughing "confession" of a crush. I told a few workmates, there were a number of us at the table and I was very open about it so I assumed that context would tell them I had no intention of acting on it. The immediate reaction was "but he's married!!!!"
    I won't do that again. I've heard about people being suspicious of single women but now I've felt it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kylie: Talk about jumping to conclusions! Do they not understand that a crush is not necessarily sexual but is just a strong attraction to someone? And yes, I guess people are often suspicious of single woman. But married woman are just as capable of fancying someone they shouldn't!

      Delete
  10. I think I've been more intrigued by some people than actual crushes. But there were a few people that I've had crushes on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary: Oh, plenty of people have intrigued me but crushes are on another level entirely.

      Delete
  11. I’ve not had what I think of as crushes on other people in that I don’t obsessively long for or think about them but I definitely have had individuals to whom I’m strongly attracted for differing reasons, both male and female. If the day comes I don't experience such feelings I’ll be dead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joared: Crushes are certainly invigorating, but I guess anything you're passionate about or fascinated by can have the same effect.

      Delete