Wednesday 7 October 2020

Table talk

I've commented before on my relaxed attitude to table manners. I don't bat an eyelid at things that drive other people bonkers. But there are plenty of people (including some of my blogmates) who shudder with horror at someone visibly breaking all the usual rules.

I'm really not bothered by people talking with their mouth full, eating with their fingers, licking their fingers, wolfing down food, blowing on their food, stretching for something across the table, making slurping noises, piling their plate with as much food as possible, or scraping their plate of every last morsel.

I'm too focused on what the other person is saying to dwell on their table manners - unless they're belching non-stop or flinging food on the floor. Which thankfully isn't customary among those I usually eat with.

Like many things, this probably goes back to my childhood. My parents were never very strict about table manners at home and it was basically "anything goes" as long as us kids weren't totally sloppy. Doing our share of the washing up afterwards was more important.

Restaurants were a different matter. My mother was quite a messy eater herself but happily criticised other people's table manners in restaurants. I would listen with some embarrassment as she loudly ticked someone off. At least she didn't complain to them directly, which would have been even more embarrassing.

What bothers me more than how a person eats is someone who spends the entire meal looking at their phone and sending texts. Or parents who chomp away obliviously while their children run amok. Or a wobbly table that keeps shifting up and down unpredictably.

Perhaps restaurants should be divided into two sections - one for messy eaters who can be as slap-happy as their like, and one for careful eaters who follow all the rules.

Then we'd all be happy.

29 comments:

  1. I haven't been out for a meal in a mighty long time and have forgotten how it used to be. I do however remember writing about how people used their mobile phones instead of talking to each other over the table.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ramana: It's the modern equivalent of reading a newspaper at the table, which was equally annoying.

      Delete
  2. The checking of phones during a meal is the worst! I’m not generally bothered, but finger licking would be over the top.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bijoux: So the "finger-licking good" KFC wouldn't appeal to you one bit (except that they've removed that slogan until the pandemic subsides).

      Delete
  3. My maternal grandmother was strong on table manners...and on continuing conversations at mealtimes. Should the talking flag she would announce ' silence in the pig sty' to indicate that we were not carrying out our obligations in that respect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fly: My house was the opposite. My father didn't approve of conversation while we were eating.

      Delete
  4. I was brought up with strict table manners and told it was a matter of respect and courtesy for others. I despise being sprayed with food or seeing the contents of another's mouth along with those reaching across to grab stuff off my plate. I was appalled when in Canada first to see people eating chicken and ribs with their HANDS. I wrote my mother saying I had landed amongst savages.

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. www: I would certainly object to being sprayed with food. I like your comment about landing among savages!

      Delete
  5. Hurray for eating with our fingers! Andy and I don’t like eating in restaurants, so we don’t have to worry about bothering other people or being bothered. In fact, it’s the noise in restaurants that bother us. Is that a problem in Ireland too?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jean: I find the noise levels in most restaurants here quite okay, not loud enough to impede conversation. But I do sometimes dislike the music they're playing!

      Delete
    2. A lot of them here are too noisy to have a conversation. I've even heard of people sitting across from one another texting to communicate. No thanks!

      Delete
    3. Jean: Pubs can be incredibly noisy, so much so I rarely enter one these days. Two hours of shouting at people to overcome the background noise is no fun.

      Delete
  6. I've become aware that I eat at home in ways I would not do in public. Which makes me wonder what I'll be like if I get decrepit enough to have to live in a community setting.

    As to chicken and ribs, I eat them with one fork and one hand. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda: We're vegetarian, so no chicken and ribs for us. But we're happy eating pizza slices with our fingers. And naan bread. And chips.

      Delete
  7. Slurping, smacking your lips, chewing with your mouth open and talking with a full mouth do bother me. It always has.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary: Perhaps we should all eat in our own little cubicles to avoid offending anyone? Oh hang on, some restaurants are doing that already, because of the virus.

      Delete
  8. raised with very strict table manners.
    and not much talking. and you were expected to clean your plate. (meaning ate all that was on it.)
    I often wonder what our dad would have thought about the modern world. he died so young. his militaristic way of seeing things is long gone. at least I imagine it is... maybe even in the military! the table manners have stuck in my life however. and my brother's too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tammy: Yes, people who died fifty years ago would be shocked at how casual people's behaviour is nowadays.

      Delete
  9. I too have far more problems with phone manners than table manners.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joanne: I totally agree. Bumping into people in the street, having loud conversations a few feet away, ignoring whoever they're with, checking their phone every two minutes. Really annoying.

      Delete
  10. I got a chuckle out of a guy who participated in someone else's phone conversation in public. The talker said, "Excuse me, this is a private conversation." To which he replied, "Obviously not."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda: I like his style! How could the conversation possibly be private?

      Delete
  11. I'm another who can't remember what it's like to eat out, but I don't recall being offended by much - I'm usually focussed on not spilling anything down myself.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ms Scarlet: I don't tend to spill food on myself, but I do worry about knocking over a full wine glass - especially if the table is small and plates and glasses are very close together.

      Delete
  12. My parents insisted on good table manners, no speaking with your mouthful, no elbows on the table, no burping, knife and fork neatly on plate when finished, wait until everyone has finished then ask to leave the table, and DEFINITELY no finger food. These things don't bother me in the least now. Like you my top intolerance is unruly children, followed by people using their phones, and a wobbly table.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Polly: We kids also had to ask to leave the table. Oddly, I don't remember my father (always my father) ever saying no and causing an argument. Maybe it happened but it's slipped my mind.

      Delete
  13. Fortunately phone use was never an issue until portable phone years as I, too, would be annoyed anywhere, not only in restaurants, by anyone who presumably was in my company but gave their attention elsewhere and to a phone.

    Children, if taught at home, reinforced in restaurants can learn to not be unruly -- but can be problematic for some with special needs.
    I do find some decorum when eating much more pleasant. I like an unhurried meal with good conversation but circumstances were such we didn't have many of those kind of meals as wasn't my husband's style which was hurry-up and eat so can leave the table. I think this was a habit he developed from years of working a regular day, rushing dinner to go off on a gig with his music groups.

    There can be situations where knowing manners can make the person feel more comfortable, so it is helpful if they've been learned or practiced a bit growing up. Then people have the choice of being slobs if they want to be or not as opposed to not knowing the difference. I think knowing the prevailing, often changing, rules for many things can be helpful which a person can observe or not.

    I like finger foods and some other foods are more easily eaten using fingers so no big deal. Also, I do know from professionally needing to provide swallowing therapy to some people there are medical risks to taking too big bites, not chewing food well or clearing your mouth after each bite, eating fast, washing your food down with liquid, talking with food in your mouth, even not varying textures and consistencies of food for example.

    Only instrumental music (no vocal recordings) should be played in restaurants, and not too loud.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oops...if they've learned -- forget the "been". ha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joared: I guess you're right that observing the customary table manners can make others more comfortable and make for a more enjoyable meal. Good point about choosing to be a slob or not.

      Sandwiches are also finger food of course. Just imagine if people ate sandwiches with a knife and fork!

      Delete