Wednesday 9 September 2020

The ties that bind

As you know, I loathe ties with a vengeance. Utterly pointless items of clothing that are supposed to make the wearer more respectable, more professional, more sexy and more normal. In reality they're just annoying things that flap around and half-asphyxiate you.

Luckily throughout my working life I could get away with very casual clothing. I was mostly a bookseller or an admin worker and in both cases tie-wearing was seen as either weird or pretentious.

So why am I so tie-averse? Here are twenty good reasons for not wearing ties:

  • They're ugly
  • They get caught in machinery
  • They get food stains on them
  • You only see the stains when you take them off
  • They can strangle you
  • They're passion killers
  • Employers love them
  • They have no plausible function
  • They attract germs
  • They're hard to fasten
  • They can be grabbed by small children
  • Dictators wear them
  • You get them as presents when you have a hundred already
  • You get them as presents when you really want champagne and chocolates
  • You can hardly breathe
  • They fall in your soup
  • They're boring
  • You feel like your father
  • Your mother keeps straightening them
  • Your mother thinks they're smart
The irony is that while a man in a tie is seen as more professional and trustworthy, this doesn't apply to a woman. In her case she is only professional and trustworthy if she's wearing high heels and make-up. Try explaining that to a visiting Martian.

And try to explain why male politicians wearing ties are now almost universally seen as incompetent and untrustworthy.

On the few occasions when I was obliged to wear a tie, I had usually forgotten how to knot it and had to resort to a youtube video. Which in itself is a point against ties. What other item of clothing can only be put on with the help of the internet?

32 comments:

  1. I had to wear a school tie so became an expert at knotting anyone's tie. They are ludicrous I agree. But then again one looks down through the ages and items of clothing are ridiculous, aren't they.

    A loose pair of pants and a loose shirt with lots of pockets should be de rigeur. In any colour of one's choice.

    Gender free, of course.

    XO
    WWW

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    1. www: True, it's not the only idiotic item of clothing. Your personal dress code looks good to me.

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  2. On this topic I have little view. Blessed be the day.

    In defence of the tie: It does have potential. A bit like a scarf. Pulling an outfit together. Injecting a bit of colour, individuality. How men bear the knot I don't know.

    Am partial to a man's bow tie. "The name is Bond. James Bond." The other tie I like is the one slightly loosened - after a hard day's work. Sexy.

    U

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    1. Ursula: I disagree, the tie has no potential at all, except as an example of pointless sartorial clutter.

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  3. I had my school tie on a piece of elastic - so no knotting for me. Sometimes I used to wear it around my head.
    Anyhow, yes, ties are really stupid.
    Sx

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    1. Ms Scarlet: A tie on a piece of elastic, that at least simplifies the putting-on process.

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  4. LOL!
    my same thoughts about pantyhose and high heels for women in the workplace. who deemed it appropriate for working hard when you are miserable? never did figure it out. I'm thinking this pandemic is going to make some serious changes. will be interesting to see.
    otherwise I found your post FUNNY! thanks! xo

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    1. Tammy: I'm much more likely to trust someone who looks efficient and knowledgeable than someone who happens to be in tights and high heels. But these irrational dress codes are a long time dying.

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  5. You definitely have strong opinions on the topic! I do love a man in a tie, especially in colors like lavender or yellow. It’s sexy to me. When I was in college, I often wore skinny ties as a fashion statement because I loved New Wave everything.

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    1. Bijoux: I'm trying to imagine you in a skinny tie. I hope it never fell in the soup....

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  6. Studies of medical facilities showed the germiest item in them was a doctor's tie! My female doctor started wearing scrubs during Covid-19 as they are easier to keep clean than street cloths. I approve!

    BTW, if your tie is choking you buy a larger neck size in your shirt. It's actually that top button that chokes most men. With a looser collar you will also have a looser tie. But my Dave and I were both happy when ties were no longer required at his work place.

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    1. Linda: I've also read that doctors' ties are crawling with germs. So presumably men's ties could also be crawling with coronavirus. Maybe ties should be banned during the pandemic?

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  7. I agree with Bijoux and Ursula. I like to see a man wearing a suit with a tie, especially a modern colourful one. And YES to the slightly loosened one - very sexy.

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    1. Polly: I'm baffled as to how a tie can be sexy, but so be it!

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  8. I would much rather wear something casual.

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    1. Mary: It can't be much fun walking around all day in shapewear, tights, high heels and make-up. It's about time workplace dress codes were a bit more relaxed.

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  9. A tie was part of school uniform...a totally pointless addition in my view.
    And then, when working, bands were de rigeur for appearances in court.. I don't know which were worse.

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    1. Fly: You know, I can't remember if I wore a tie at school! Bands must be even more of a nuisance than ties - and equally pointless.

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  10. "A loose pair of pants and a loose shirt with lots of pockets should be de rigeur. In any colour of one's choice." I agree with WWW, that's what I wear all the time. And fortunately I've never had to wear high heels for work. I was blessed about that!

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    1. Jean: That's a sensible way of dressing. It's absurd that women are expected to tart themselves up in uncomfortable clothes in order to be taken seriously.

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  11. I've never thought about the pointlessness of ties before.

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    1. Liz: Well, you have now! They're about as redundant as collar studs and cuff links.

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  12. Definitely pointless. During a portion of the 90s, we had to wear a tie whenever we were teaching and I had to wear a tie when I was supervising in the control room. Then, along came casual Fridays when we could wear business casual (polo shirts instead of button down). Whenever the plant went into a scheduled outage, management authorized business casual for the white-collar workers if they weren't involved in outage work. After one outage, they "forgot" to re-institute the stricter dress code.

    I just checked. I own two ties. They are the hangers for my two suit jackets, which I never wear any more, not even for weddings or funerals. I don't remember the last time I wore a tie.

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    1. Mike: Amusing that they "forgot" to bring back the stricter dress code. But good news for you and your fellow workers. I have a single tie which I've worn once or twice a year in the last decade. And I haven't owned a suit since the early seventies!

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    2. Nick, leaving aside that you haven't owned a suit since the early seventies (what did you wear your "single tie" with in the "last decade"?) I take it you do own a Dinner Jacket/Tuxedo. Or do you decline an invitation to a "Black Tie" event on principle? Still, I suppose there is always Moss Bros.

      U

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    3. Ursula: 1) My single tie goes with a dark jacket and dark trousers. 2) I don't have a dinner jacket or tuxedo 3) I've never been to a black tie event 4) There's no Moss Bros in Northern Ireland.

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    4. I've worn a tuxedo exactly twice -- my high school prom and our youngest daughter's wedding -- both times, the tux was rented, of course.

      One memory from the latter event. As people were arriving at the wedding venue, I saw one of my wife's 8 brothers and his family arriving and opened the door for them. When my nephew, John, saw me, he gave me an odd look, and then said, "I thought you might be a butler." He was about 10 at the time. (The venue was in Bentonville, Arkansas, home of Walmart.)

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    5. Mike: I can understand why he thought you were a butler! Children must be a bit puzzled by all the strange items of clothing adults wear.

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  13. For most of my working life, I did wear a tie and also bow ties on occasion. I had of course wished that I did not have to but, it was more or less mandatory in my chosen career to be in a jacket and tie if not fully suited.

    I also liked to dress up and enjoyed being complimented on my choice of ties and colour matching.

    Only recently I gave away all my ties to a young man who now has to wear ties and he went gaga over all of them.

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    1. Ramana: Well, at least you enjoyed being complimented on your outfit. Amusing that the young man was so excited by your tie collection!

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  14. How about clip-on bow ties? They seem to have fallen out of favor except for some formal occasions, or maybe they’re totally out now. In the U.S. Southwest bolo ties have been popular maybe you'd like.

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    1. Joared: Can't say I like bolo ties any better than the regular ones. And clip-on ties just seem rather cheap!

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