Sunday 12 July 2020

No recollection

I've always envied people with excellent memories, and always seen my own dreadful memory as an embarrassing deficit. But that's not necessarily the case. I'm realising that in some ways a poor memory can be a distinct advantage, and not a liability at all.

My sister has a photographic memory, and my father was the same. My memory in comparison with theirs is sadly lacking.

But having such a superb memory isn't always an asset. You can remember in great detail occasions when someone slighted you, offended you, upset you, or betrayed you. You might feel a lasting sense of grievance that your memory is endlessly reviving.

I on the other hand rapidly forget most of those incidents, leaving me unaware that someone once offended me and allowing me to move on without that emotional baggage.

I know I was bullied at boarding school, but I don't remember how I was bullied or who was bullying me, or how upset I must have been at the time. All I know is that I was bullied, and it just becomes a sort of minor historical detail.

I can avidly reread a book, knowing I've completely forgotten what I originally read and can therefore enjoy it as if for the first time. The characters and plot seem entirely fresh and unfamiliar.

I'll forget all the beginner's errors and mortifying mistakes that occurred in my various workplaces and recall only the successes. So instead of thinking "that job was a disaster" I think "I did that job pretty well."

I'll blot out how traumatic it was enduring many months of next-door neighbours keeping us awake with constant all-night parties. Now I only remember it as an annoying episode that thankfully came to an end.

Yes, it can be frustrating when I forget something really important, but a bad memory isn't the awful burden I often imagine it to be.

34 comments:

  1. My memory isn't so good but that's because of the medication I'm on right now.

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  2. Mary: I can't pin it on medication as (a) I've had a poor memory for decades and (b) I'm only taking a blood-pressure tablet that shouldn't affect my memory.

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  3. Memory is an interesting topic. There are events I remember with great detail and those I barely recall anything about.

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    1. Bijoux: Me too. I can remember some childhood experiences very clearly, while everything else is a complete blank.

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  4. Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
    ---Ingrid Bergman

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    1. Jean: Very true. And of course the ability to laugh at yourself.

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  5. Good memory for faces and not for names
    Makes for some excellent mental and verbal gymnastics when I have to interact and talk
    I hate saying
    I'm sorry I've forgotten your name

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    1. John: Yes, some sleight of hand is needed when you've forgotten someone's name. One woman I used to know would solve the problem by calling everyone "darling".

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  6. It's unfortunate that others remember details of my memories so they sometimes hold my comments against me long after I've forgotten them.

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    1. Linda: I know the feeling. My sister can remember things I said to her 50 years ago. It's all news to me.

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  7. I have an excellent memory and learned the association trick with names when in business, I'm sure it landed me some great contracts. I still do it. But interestingly, if people bore me I delete their information from my brain.

    I can recall moments with my mother who died when I was young, in excruciating and painful (as in the loss of her) detail.

    I don't forget hurts though I'd like to. I can recall those in painful detail too.

    Interesting takeaway tho - we're all wired so differently.

    XO
    WWW

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    1. www: Remembering things in such detail must often be painful. Especially as you say when it reminds you of a long-gone but much-loved parent.

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  8. I remember everything in excruciating detail. It's not an asset.

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    1. Joanne: As I suspected, such an efficient memory isn't necessarily a blessing.

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  9. Erm....! Well this explains a lot!! No, I am not going to expand on this comment because you will only flipping well forget!!
    Sx

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    1. Ms Scarlet: Who are you again? Do I know you from somewhere? The darts club, maybe?

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  10. I have a fairly good memory but, the social maedia has brought with it a great many ex collegues who remember me while I find it difficult to put faces to names and have to plead age for clarification. Once the match is made things fall into place. Other than this, my memory is quite adequate for me to manage my life well.

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    1. Ramana: My ex work colleagues have all fallen by the wayside, so no dilemmas there. I've got a good memory for faces but not names, which presents a few difficulties.

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  11. What you are describing is a normal memory. We remember slights and hurts best when we dwell on them, if we are healthy we process and move forward.
    Dwelling on the irritation of difficult neighbours after they left would be counter productive, we forget so we can deal with more immediate issues.
    Like Ramana implies, a memory which allows us to function is what we want. No more, no less

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    1. Kylie: It doesn't seem like a normal memory to me! But yes, process the hurt and move on. Dwelling on upsets for months (or years) on end does no good at all.

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  12. which would you like my memory to describe? the time it was my first day at a new school and I walked around all morning with a wad of someone's chewing gum stuck to my butt?
    or when I was grown and had been introduced to Buzz Aldrin and didn't believe whom he was said to be... I tried to be witty and replied... "sure you did. how was the old man?" after being told he'd walked on the moon.
    just two examples of the type of memories that are still indelibly sketched in my mind. I remember all the foibles of my life very well and the supply seems to be endless.
    I wonder if Mister Bean has the same problem?

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    1. Tammy: Glad I was spared the chewing gum on my butt! Buzz Aldrin must have got used to all the people wondering if it's really him or wondering if he really went to the moon....

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  13. Sometimes I worry about my memory. I set myself small tasks like remembering something I have heard on the radio, then try to recall it later, most times it works, but I worry about the times it doesn't! I can remember scenes from childhood and where I used to live like it was yesterday, and I have an excellent memory for faces, but not always the circumstances of meeting!!

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    1. Polly: I can remember some childhood scenes very vividly, while totally forgetting something that happened last week! Anyway, Kylie reckons all we need is a memory that allows us to function....

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  14. I had my annual physical today. The three words of the memory test were village, kitchen and baby. Apparently, I'm fine. :)

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    1. Linda: Are those the three words for women? And are office, football and gadget the three words for men? :-)

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  15. I used to have a kick-ass memory for minutia, which is very useful in therapy. Not so much since chemo, and my ongoing endocrine therapy doesn't help.

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    1. Agent: A shame your memory isn't as sharp as before. As you say, a good memory must be invaluable in therapy.

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  16. I can bring to mind pictures of past life without problems, but the thinking mind is a ragbag and goodness only knows what will be pulled from it to start a hare. Day to day memory is good on the whole...though I do infuriate my husband by not always remembering which of the three options he picked for breakfast.

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    1. Fly: My thinking mind is pretty anarchic as well. But it's managed to produce plenty of blog posts....

      Husband could solve that problem by making his own breakfast! :-)

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    2. Heresy!
      But, to be fair, he is stuck in a wheelchair which makes things difficult.

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    3. Fly: Ah, I didn't realise. In that case, he is allowed special privileges!

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  17. The only things I remember well are the bad things. I'm sure I had a good childhood but all I recall is the bad.

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    1. Liz: That's very strange! Maybe you remember the bad things because they were so upsetting?

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