Monday 11 March 2019

Crisis, what crisis?

The media and popular culture would have us believe that men go through four major crises in their lives, which they may or may not weather smoothly. We can't escape them, they're a simple fact of life. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint all the pundits, but there's been no sign of these dramatic crises in my own life. I've mysteriously avoided them.

First there's the teenage crisis. Supposedly an uncontrollable surge in testosterone turns teenage boys into acne-ridden sex maniacs, trying to take advantage of every girl in sight, and so distracted from their studies they're liable to fail all their exams. Well, I have to confess I never went through any such phase. My schooldays were entirely humdrum and sex-free.

Sometime in middle-age (the exact age is always rather nebulous) men are prone to a mid-life crisis - concluding that life is passing them by, they've wasted their energies on all the wrong things, and they're generally missing out. They ditch their wives for younger women, buy flashy sports cars, go for a brand-new career, and take up some odd hobby like paragliding. Er, no, not me either.

Then there's the later years crisis, when men want to deny their age and re-enact their youth, chatting up young women in supermarkets, starting strenuous domestic projects involving rickety ladders, driving like lunatics as if their reflexes are still razor-sharp, and slurping down litres of alcohol as if hangovers were obsolete. No, that one has passed me by too.

The retirement crisis also looms large. Men who retire after working non-stop for decades are supposed to feel bereft, having identified so strongly with their job that without it they have no idea what to do with themselves and feel empty and depressed. Not me, guv, I love being retired, doing what I want and no longer at someone else's beck and call.

So much for the pundits.

16 comments:

  1. I too have escaped all crises that men are supposed to go through! May be I am just sub normal!

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  2. I've only heard of the mid-life crisis and have seen a few men go through it. It's awkward even for those on the sidelines to watch,

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  3. Crisis -- what crises?

    I've never really seen anyone I know go through the first three you've described.

    I've known some that have met with the last one, though. One guy hated work, but later bemoaned that now that he was retired, he was bored all of the time. Another put off retirement until he was in his late 60s because he didn't know what he would do if he wasn't working. My sister-in-law plans to keep working until she's 70 in part for the same reason.

    With no hobbies, activities or interests away from work, transitioning to retirement may indeed be a crisis for some.

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  4. My husband seems to have evaded all of these...though he remembers as a young man on the Stock Exchange seeing old boys refuse to retire, coming in to work as always, to avoid being at hime under their wives' feet...
    Apparently they were the best at launching paper aeroplanes into the dome....probably life long practice paying off.

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  5. Ramana: No, you're just very level-headed and immune to these aberrations!

    Bijoux: Some men go completely crazy trying to start their life all over again.

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  6. Mike: A lot of men (and some women) seem to fall into this syndrome. I think it's largely due to a lack of imagination and an inability to find new ways of using your mind - especially through cultural activities like books, art, films and music.

    Helen: As I said to Mike. A lot of wives must get quite exasperated over gormless husbands who have no idea how to enjoy a work-free existence.

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  7. I met my now husband when we were both 17 years old. We are now in our 70s. He has not gone through any of these.

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  8. Well damn - guess they skipped me as well. I was a big, shy jock in high school, not sex crazed and relatively acne free. Mid life? Nothing too exciting there either and I was married to my wife for 42 years and we were together a total of 45 years. Retirement merely means I do not have to get up early daily. Note I said do not have to = but I still do, damnit. Fortunately I subscribed to Britbox and havelots of time to watch my favorite British, Canadian an andAustralian TV shows.

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  9. Linda: Glad to hear it! But the media like to make out we're all going through constant, debilitating crises.

    Chuck: Retirement is great, isn't it? I no longer have to plan around my working hours, my time is entirely my own.

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  10. I've never heard the idea that men progress through four crises. I've known instances of each of the types of behavior your describing, but I don't think they are standard. Fortunately.

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  11. My observation has been if the guy is one-tracked and obsessive and identified with work he doesn't handle retirement well at all. Often dies too. Truth.

    The more successfully retired have a form of contentment and a wide range of interests.

    As to the midlife, I've watched it over and over again, affairs, needy men requiring testosterone validation, I still have it babe, stuff. No you don't, unless you have big money, fellah.

    XO
    WWW

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  12. One size doesn't fit all, and certainly a lot of people escape the description. Andy and I had no trouble slipping into retirement. We love it! It's been 25 years now.

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  13. Agent: No, they aren't standard, that's my point. But the media like to claim we're all heading for one crisis after another. They get more readers that way.

    www: I've also seen plenty of men in the throes of a mid life crisis, trying to pretend they're twenty years younger and behaving like total idiots.

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  14. Jean: You seem to have the retirement thing all sewn up - you find plenty of things to fill your day. Clearly the same goes for Andy.

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  15. I don’t go along with a lot of the groupings and labels researchers assign, plus sometimes media over-simplify research results. But then not all research is worthwhile or conclusions viable. I don’t presume to know if men identify with these categories and behaviors, but I surely don’t with some of the stereotypes said to define women.

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  16. Joared: The media do indeed regularly over-simplify research results to produce a striking headline. And I think women have it far worse than men in terms of the umpteen stereotypes that are thrown at them - the mother, the whore, the housewife, the dumb blonde, the woman deranged by menstruation and all the rest.

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