I once lived in a red-light district near Paddington Station in London. Every so often one of the women would ask me if I "wanted a good time" or "wanted to do some business." I always politely turned them down.
I've long been mystified by men's taste for prostitutes (I refuse to use the sanitised term sex worker). For many reasons I never shared their keenness. And not just because of a shortage of a cash.
I couldn't live with all the secrecy and lying. Not just to your girlfriend or wife but to other family members, friends, workmates, strangers - just about everyone. If it's something so shameful or disgusting you daren't tell anyone, why are you doing it at all?
I have no desire for sex with a complete stranger, and certainly not if it's been turned into a commercial transaction. And certainly not if the woman is doing it unwillingly and out of desperation. And certainly not if she's a victim of sexual trafficking, as many prostitutes now are.
I wouldn't want to go along with all the obvious falsity. The woman pretending she's delighted to see you, that you're a mighty handsome fella, that you're sexual dynamite, that it's dreadful your wife has lost interest etc. Some men must actually believe all this bullshit.
And yes, the shame. How do some men live with themselves, seeing women not as human beings worthy of respect and consideration but handy sexual receptacles when they're feeling randy?
As the old question goes, would you treat your own daughter like that?
There's a lotta lonely people out there
ReplyDeleteSo sad for everyone.
ReplyDeleteJohn: Indeed there are, but is spending ten minutes with a hooker an effective remedy?
ReplyDeleteJoanne: It is, but especially for all the women who slip into prostitution and find it hard to get out again.
Having been in close contact with exited prostitutes all that I have met are not in any position of "choice". Most were addicts. Most were driven by poverty and lack of education. All had been underage when beginning. Most were in the thrall of pimps and heroin.
ReplyDeleteThe commercialization of (mainly) women's bodies is a trillion dollar industry.
Most of these women are raped up to fifty times a day. It is in no way "romantic". It is abuse and torture (you should hear about the remedial surgeries - it would make me weep). Most johns require demeaning and appalling acts involving pain. The more pain the better paid.
Lonely doesn't come into it. It is never consensual.
Most johns demand underage.
As you can gather, I support the Nordic model.
XO
WWW
www: I also support the Nordic model. As you say, there is no way prostitution is ever voluntary or chosen, women are forced into it by circumstances or by other people. Many show symptoms of PTSD. I didn't know about remedial surgery but I can imagine that's often necessary after what's done to them. And yes, it's more abuse and torture than anything remotely pleasant. Paid sex should be outlawed (as it now is in Northern Ireland, though I've yet to see any prosecutions).
ReplyDeletethe best reply to it all that ever was...
ReplyDelete"As the old question goes, would you treat your own daughter like that?"
what a world this is. and has been all these years. and apparently always will be!
I don't understand it either Nick. Poverty, abuse, addiction and sex traffickers, the poor girls are just a commodity.
ReplyDeleteTammy: I just wonder how men can casually make use of prostitutes and be indifferent to the human misery they're contributing to.
ReplyDeletePolly: Exactly, they're a commodity. Their personal well-being is unimportant, just as long as they're still up to the job.
It's incredibly sad. :(
ReplyDeleteJean: It's especially sad that so many well-meaning liberals, instead of condemning the whole sordid business, babble on about how it's just a job like any other. As if PTSD and extreme terror were normal features of a job.
ReplyDeleteIt is called the oldest profession in the world for the good reason that man has always lusted after women other than his wife. There are also other social factors like men leaving their families behind to go far for work and nature insisting on release. There are always two sides to any story and prostitution is one with exaclty the same. It is understanding this scheme of things that many countries have legalised prostitution.
ReplyDeleteI too never went to a prostitute but know many who did and continue to do. I understand them.
I know zero about the topic. I suppose if any male I know has been to one, he wouldn't be broadcasting it.
ReplyDeleteRamana: Yes, there are two sides to any story, and I think those who defend prostitution tend to gloss over the psychological (and often physical) damage that is done to the women in the name of male "relief" or "healthy masculine urges". I don't accept that men separated from their families are so sexually desperate they have to resort to prostitutes. There are other possibilities.
ReplyDeleteA number of countries have legalised prostitution, with very mixed results. In some of them, all the worst aspects of prostitution, like sexual trafficking, have simply increased.
Bijoux: Exactly. No doubt many men of my acquaintance have been with prostitutes but they're not going to say so. The fact that they keep quiet about it says all you need to know about the shame and guilt and self-disgust they feel.
ReplyDeleteHow do you all know this ? Did you speak to prostitutes or with the men and I do not like the moral judgment. Ask a physical disabled man if a "normal" girl wants to make love with him. Shame guilt self disgust...you seem to know a lot.
ReplyDeleteChloe: I read articles by people with direct knowledge of prostitution and prostitutes. They repeatedly stress the violent and contemptuous way the women are treated by men. Yes, I'm sure disabled men appreciate encounters with prostitutes but that doesn't alter the fact that prostitution in general is a traumatising experience for the women. This isn't a moral judgment, it's a fact. Just as it's a fact to say that female genital mutilation is a traumatising experience.
ReplyDeleteNo it's a moral judgment whatever you say and who wants to know if you see a prostitute or not. Or do you speak to your family or friends about the sex you practice with your partner? You seem to be a highly morality preacher, what are men working and living far away from their family must do for their sexuality ? Masturbation or look at porn movies or go and rape girls ? I wonder.
ReplyDeleteChloe: Well, it's not done to discuss your sex life with anyone except very close friends, so I don't. And I can't see anything wrong with masturbation. For a start, it's much cheaper than a prostitute.
ReplyDeleteCan I ask, do you have any daughters, and if so, would you be happy for them to become prostitutes? I doubt it somehow.
I've never been with a prostitute either. Seriously, though, I wouldn't marry a man who had. It's a very bad sign about how they feel about women. And I have worked with several women who have prostituted at one point in their loves and every single one had a childhood sexual abuse history. Those women aren't in it because they like sex and feel it's a good way to make money - thye are victims. And both their pimps AND their customers are continuing their victimization.
ReplyDeleteAgent: I thought you'd say something along those lines. Certain factors seem to crop up over and over again in their lives - sexual abuse, drug addiction, mental health issues. And as you say, if men visit prostitutes, it suggests an underlying misogyny. They can only countenance an unequal relationship in which they're the boss.
ReplyDeleteAll the old tosh about lonely people and men working away from home..how can one justify using women on these spurious grounds.
ReplyDeleteHelen: Absolutely. So because they're lonely they're entitled to force themselves on women? And giving them a little financial reward makes it all acceptable?
ReplyDeleteNow I'm curious; what is the Nordic model? And is prostitution legal there?
ReplyDeleteIt isn't here, and I agree with you that it's a pretty terrible thing. I can't imagine anyone actually wants tha job! And like you, I can't imagine being a client/john/whatever you want to call them would be something that would appeal to an emotionally healthy person.
Danielle: The Nordic model "decriminalises all those who are prostituted, provides support services to help them exit, and makes buying people for sex a criminal offence." The policy has been adopted by seven countries - Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Northern Ireland, Canada, France and Ireland.
ReplyDeleteI agree, surely an emotionally healthy person would have no need or desire to visit a prostitute.
I wouldn’t welcome having such close intimate physical interaction with anyone who was basically a strainger as a male or female prostitute would be. I guess some people don’t have a healthy sense of themselves as persons, perhaps lack self-respect and for their relationships with other people. The justifications, excuses offered for such actions never cease to amaze me.
ReplyDeleteJoared: There's certainly something very wrong with men who regularly visit prostitutes. Apart from the psychological damage to the prostitutes themselves, I don't see what benefit a man can get from such an impersonal ten-minute encounter. As you say, all the elaborate excuses are ridiculous.
ReplyDelete