Sam Gouveia's father said "Sam was ridiculed for being a boy with nail polish. They called him names and told him to take it off. This lasted the entire day. He was devastated at how other kids turned on him, even his friends."
It seems that by the age of five, most boys have been so thoroughly indoctrinated into the idea of masculine and feminine clothing that something as trivial as wearing nail polish is jumped on as if some major crime has been committed.
If a five-year-old boy wants to wear nail polish, what's the problem? It's not harming anybody, it's not threatening anybody, it's not disrupting lessons. If other boys find it threatening, because it challenges their macho fixations, that's their problem and not his.
There has been similar bullying of boys who want to wear skirts or dresses or long hair or any kind of "female" clothing. The bullying is often supported by teachers quoting the official school dress code.
Surely boys who misbehave, disrupt lessons, and abuse teachers are the real problem, not boys who like to have shocking pink fingernails or floaty skirts? Surely the quality of the teaching is more important than what a boy puts on his fingers?
The idea of gender fluidity may be popular in certain fashionable quarters, but clearly it hasn't caught on with the general population, who still rigorously enforce masculine and feminine boundaries.
Think twice before you dress. The gender police are watching you!
Pic: Sam Gouveia
Globally, bullying seems to be the biggest problem that students of all ages, including college going ones face though the latter call it ragging. On the other hand, there are "in your face" cross dressers who deliberately provoke confrontations to gain some cheap publicity. The case that you mention however is a reflection on the parents of the bullies rather than that of the child with nail polish.
ReplyDeleteRamana: Indeed, the parents of the bullies have a lot to answer for. They probably have no idea their children are involved in such heartless persecution. If they did, they would surely question whatever attitudes they have wittingly or unwittingly passed on.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't get me started on the whole increasingly toxic transgender debate!
The artificial construct of gender drives me mad. We should be free to be whoever and not so firmly restricted to what society perceives to be proper performances of femininity and masculinity. It's such early indoctrination of small children as to how to behave in their severely restricted little boxes.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who had a double mastectomy and is on male hormones and it bloody well breaks my heart for this most lovable of "tomboys" (hate the term).
XO
WWW
www: Gender stereotypes are so restrictive. It's as if men and women are in separate cages and it's impossible to go from one cage to the other.
ReplyDeleteIt's crazy that the standard treatment for gender-related psychological problems isn't psychotherapy but hazardous and destructive medical procedures.
I thought things were much more gender fluid than this nowadays
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine why parents of either girls or boys would encourage them to paint their fingernails.
ReplyDeleteJohn: I'd like to think so, but unfortunately the idea of gender-appropriate behaviour is so embedded in our thinking that it's almost impossible to evade it.
ReplyDeleteHelen: I don't think he encouraged it. Sam liked the idea of painting his nails because it made them pretty, and his father was defending his right to do so.
I do feel sorry for the little lad, but given how vicious some children can be (often learned behaviour from ignorant parents) I think parents shouldn't allow nail polish or any kind of embellishment to be worn to school.
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed by his parents for defending him!
ReplyDeleteMy mum wouldn't let me wear nail varnish when I was five or let me get my ears pierced... IT WAS SO UNFAIR.
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Polly: I guess if both girls and boys were treated the same way, that would avoid this sort of persecution.
ReplyDeleteJean: I know, some parents would just be horrified by the idea of a boy wearing nail varnish.
Ms Scarlet: Very unfair. But in those days parents were much less tolerant of what they thought of as "tarted up" children.
ReplyDeleteam about to take a computer/commenting break for awhile but couldn't resist this post!
ReplyDeleteI read the whole article from the link and admire the father so much.
but the bully kids did their job well. look at the pictures of the little guy showing his nails with his dad. the joy is out of his eyes and his whole face.
the first picture is happiness! the last picture of him holding up his hand with his dad... you can see it in his face.
what is wrong with judgmental people? my father's motto is coming into my mind. and I used to think it was too simplistic! how foolish of me.
it's "live and let live and try to do no harm." well.
they have already done their harm to this little guy. great post Nick.
Tammy: Yes, he looks so happy with his fancy nails, doesn't he? The bully boys are just mean, mindless conformists. Good for his father, sticking up for him and not telling him he's being too girly.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have an unpopular opinion on this one, but here goes. Part of being a parent is protecting your children, especially at that age. If the boy was 10, that's different. While it's fine and dandy for us adults to know its ok to be different, etc., we also know the consequences, which small children do not. I wouldn't pack my kids a tin of sardines for lunch, even if that was their favorite food.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I don't know the full story of what transpired at the school. I wouldn't think most kids would even notice little red fingernails on a classmate.
Bijoux: Oh, I think your comment is very much in line with some of the other comments. I agree that children often need protection from unwise impulses, but painting your nails isn't harming or abusing anyone, so I think the bullies should be firmly told to "suck it up" and stop being so narrow-minded.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet the other kids noticed his painted nails very quickly. In my experience, kids notice every little detail!
Well..... I had a terrible habit of scraping nail varnish off with my teeth; I wouldn't like a 5 year old to do that. Nail varnish isn't really very nice stuff, and it can ruin your natural nails if you're not careful. I think it's okay for 10+ and for kids that don't want to taste everything in sight :-)
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Ms Scarlet: That's a good point about kids wanting to taste everything or scraping off nail varnish with their teeth. Perhaps there's an argument for laying down a minimum age.
ReplyDeleteNo one size fits all on this issue and any number of others for that matter, given our current times. Some things invite problems. Minimizing distractions for young students seems wise to me and that could easily include all genders. Parents might well want to exercise some common sense judgement in considering the best interests of their child. Some things are fun to do at home but don’t need to be done at school. Why isn’t it acceptable to learn different situations may have different dress or appearance codes?
ReplyDeleteJoared: There are clearly divided opinions on this! Some people say it's more sensible to comply with dress codes and the prevailing consensus, others that he's being unfairly treated over something utterly trivial and the bullies should be put in their place. Not having any children, I'm not sure what I would do if my son was in a similar situation.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I’m not sure I’d have let my young sons go to school in nail polish until they were old enough to handle any negative commentary on it.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I blame the bullies’ parents more than the young bullies. They had to learn those attitudes somewhere.
Agent: A good point - do they have the resilience to stand up to hostile comments? And yes, where do all those hostile attitudes come from in the first place?
ReplyDeleteCan’t imagine most parents wouldn’t recognize prevailing attitudes and what their child was being set up to possibly experience regardless of whether a bully was wrong or a parent negligent for such teachings. If a parent wants their child to be subject to potential harassment — as if there aren’t enough naturallyoccuring instances of that — then, in our world, that’s their prerogative, but I don’t think they’re doing the child any favors.
ReplyDeleteI should have added, I also think makeup, as well as certain types of dressing as well as fingernail polish is for older girls, too, so it isn’t a gender thing for me. There are plenty of years for little kids to imitate adults — they have the rest of their lives — other things to focus on in grade school, but won’t put down any whose parents choose otherwise. :-)
ReplyDeleteJoared: I think Agent hit the nail on the head when she said the crucial factor is whether the child is resilient enough to ward off the bullies. Probably not many kids have built up that kind of resilience.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it was a question of imitation here, more the idea of being "pretty". But yes, he's got the rest of his life to paint his nails in (hopefully) more tolerant company.
That's so sad that he was bullied so much over nail polish. Sure;y the bullying is a much worse issue than nail polish could ever be.
ReplyDeleteDanielle: If I were the father, I would complain to the principal and demand she stamp out the bullying. But Agent also has a point about taking into account the boy's general resilience - or lack of it.
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