Saturday, 22 February 2014

Pink peeve

Mr Pinkie (for it is he) is a little exasp-erated that he's seen as some sort of spokesbear for pink bears in general.*

"All pink bears are different. I'm not speaking for anyone but myself" he says. "Just because I'm a celebrity hairdresser doesn't mean every pink bear wants to fiddle with people's hair. Other pink bears may find the whole idea repulsive. Some pink bears may prefer to do nothing more than sprawl on the sofa all day munching sweet-potato brownies.

"But every goddam journalist asks me these dumb-ass questions like, So what do pink bears think about cycling helmets? What do pink bears think about vitamin supplements? I mean, how the hell do I know what other pink bears think? Am I supposed to be some kind of mind-reader? Is there supposed to be some mysterious essence of pink bear I'm somehow secreting about my person? What total arseholes they are.

"I'm Mr Pinkie and that's my sole area of expertise,okay? Just do me a favour and stop seeing me as the Voice of Pinkness.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm way behind with Julie's highlights. And if you want a haircut, you'll have to wait six months like everyone else. I don't care how many banknotes you wave at me, I shall ignore them. Just get out of my hair."

* or even for soft, pink, fluffiness

More about Mr Pinkie here


  1. I need to find a bear who makes sweet potato brownies for me.

  2. Bijoux: Ah, not Mr Pinkie's speciality, unfortunately. He has the magic touch with hair but his efforts in the kitchen are always disastrous.

  3. Mr Pinkie, like teddy bears everywhere, is feeling neglected and misunderstood. Also, he's run out of chocolate chip cookies.

  4. Excuse me for being dense, but is this a metaphor?

  5. I'm double dense.

  6. I'll never look at my bears the same way again. :)

  7. A pink teddy bear? That's disgusting. Fluffy? Not when it's been loved up.

    I'll up Bonsaimum and raise the stakes: I'll never look at YOU, Nick, the same way again. Variatio delectat.


  8. Susie: Not a metaphor. Just one of my old, old running jokes that you won't have seen before. Sometimes I just need a bit of light relief from my more ponderous blog posts.

    It could be a metaphor of course. Do I see myself as a pink, fluffy bear who just wants to be loved and cuddled?

  9. www: Mr Pinkie appreciates your patience and understanding.

    Bonsaimum: You might think there's nothing going on in those soft fluffy heads, but you'd be surprised.

    Ursula: What's wrong with a pink teddy bear?

    My schoolboy Latin didn't stretch to variatio delectat. I gather it means "variety brings joy". Well, that's true enough. But I think my next post will have to be something reassuringly familiar. My wild surrealism is not universally appreciated.

  10. Tell Pinkie not to worry. Sooner than he would believe he'll be old and no one will pay attention to him any more. Until then just be patient and look forward to the day.

  11. Jean: Good advice. I'll pass that on. Even celebrity hairdressers become jaded has-beens eventually.