Green conundrum

I must admit I'm very two-faced about the idea of a looming global crisis. I see all the terrifying headlines about the imminent collapse of the planet, and I just don't take them as seriously as I'm supposed to.

I tell myself the scientists know what they're talking about, and I'm keen to do my bit to prevent catastrophe, but at the same time I want to continue the same comfortable lifestyle I'm used to.

I know flying is highly polluting, but it doesn't stop me jumping on planes. I find a dozen ways of justifying it, from the futility of personal boycotts to the much worse pollution of deforestation or farting cows.

Do I leave my equally toxic car to rust away in the garage? Of course not. I can't possibly rely on the vagaries of public transport to get me where I need to go. And I've frozen to death at bus stops once too often.

Much as I agree with slashing energy use, I'm not quite prepared to shiver through the winter or dump all my household appliances to stop the odd Arctic glacier melting.

I suppose deep down my problem is this - if the environmental crisis is so colossal and so desperate, then it can only be averted by lifestyle changes on a scale far exceeding the petty tweaks and gestures of well-meaning individuals.

However much I'm told that every little bit helps, we all have to pull together, it's a joint effort blah blah, I can't help feeling that everything I'm doing is a mere drop in the ocean that counts for little.

At the end of the day, a threat this big has to be confronted by national governments. Relying on individual goodwill is a bit like rearranging the deckchairs as the Titanic heads for the iceberg. Or fighting Hitler with Dad's Army. There's just too much at stake.

Saving the planet

Oh dear! The Green Barometer report from the Energy Saving Trust says Northern Ireland folk are lagging behind the rest of the UK when it comes to fighting for the planet.

According to the report, only 15% of us would scrap a holiday flight for environmental reasons, compared with a third UK-wide. Only 25% are making personal lifestyle changes, rather than 39%. And only 6% have used public transport instead of a car, while it's 12% in Scotland.

Well, there you are then - those selfish ratbags in Northern Ireland are holding back the altruistic Brits, demanding extravagant pleasures while everyone else is showing commendable restraint and safeguarding their children's future.

Er, sorry, but you've got us wrong again.

Could it be that we're more reluctant to shelve holiday flights because we don't have the convenient alternative of getting anywhere in Europe via Eurostar? And funnily enough we can't just catch the train to Wales, Cornwall or Yorkshire? Could it be that so-called holiday flights are actually visits to relatives in places like Scotland, Canada or Australia? Or should we just call them up and say "Sorry mum, the Planet says no"?

As for our thumbs-down for public transport, that's hardly surprising in a country full of small villages which don't generate enough potential passengers to make complex transport links viable. The buses amble through all sorts of picturesque locations, but seldom the ones we actually have in mind.

In fact we're as planet-friendly as the rest of the UK, if the measures suggested are practical and don't just make life more difficult. We recycle loads of household rubbish, we're very keen on fair trade, we're busy insulating our houses, and we buy local produce whenever we can.

But you wouldn't know it from the Green Barometer report, which asks the wrong questions, looks in the wrong directions and paints a totally false picture of the locals - and they won't be the last to do that.

See also: Plane Stupid