- Was I almost crushed to death by a falling chimney?
- Did I almost drown at Southend on Sea?
- Was I almost killed by two speeding cars as I ran across a busy road?
- Was I really bullied for several years at boarding school (why can't I remember any of the details)?
- Did a schoolmate really commit suicide?
- Did I almost suffocate in my first workplace from all the tobacco smoke?
- Did one workmate really tell me she thought her breasts were too small?
- Did two of my workmates die of cancer?
- Did I really sleep with a couple of men?
- Did I really climb the Eiffel Tower as a teenager?
But after all, most of these memories are 40 or 50 years old, which means plenty of time for them to be embellished or altered or simply invented.
At least I don't deliberately concoct dramatic memories to impress whoever I'm talking to. I don't claim to have met the King or swum the English Channel or climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. My memories, what's left them, are boringly humdrum.
And I didn't climb the Eiffel Tower. You can't climb right to the top for safety reasons. So that memory is definitely dubious.
Nick ,I have very clear memories of my childhood. I remember my first visit at the dentist and the yellow dress with red and blue and green cercles. I was 2 1/2 years old My mother was surprised when I related this as an adult. When i was 7 a lost bullit from a military plane hit our house wall where I was playing with a ballon 30 cm away from my head. I lost conscience and spent 2 days in the hospital. The shock diminished my view down to 60% which was a terrible handicap. And all the other events until I reached the adult life are present and confirmed by parents and other people. My best schoolfriend a little boy called Hendrik fell from a high tree and was killed before my eyes.
ReplyDeleteThis was the most terrible memory. He was 9. Now I'm old and sometimes I close my memories door . Too many things to remember.
Hannah
Hannah: You're lucky to have such an excellent memory, mine is hopeless. Oddly enough, my sister has a photographic memory and can recall things in enormous detail. You had a lucky escape from the lost bullet - except for the effect on your sight. Do you mean your sight was permanently diminished?
DeleteYes I never recovered my sight but well I am still alive.
DeleteHannah
Hannah: I'm sorry to hear about your sight. But as you say at least you're alive to tell the tale.
DeleteI'm like the previous commenter. I remember everything though trauma memory is a little shaky due to PTSD. I go back to 9 months old in a pram with my dad getting bitten by a bee and doing a mad dance where I laughed myself silly at him while he yelped in agony. He confirmed that memory and was astonished. I fill in a lot of blanks for my siblings' Zoom every Sunday.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
www: Yes, I've been reminded many times of your superb memory. Though I'm impressed you remember something aged nine months. I thought a person's memory was only fully active at about five years old.
DeleteMy memories start when I was two years old and some are still vivid. But, I was an adult when I learned my mother was a chronic liar so I don't know how many of my family's stories are real. Did I really lose so much weight as a newborn that they made Mom take me home because if I lost any more they wouldn't be able to release me? (It turned out I was lactose intolerant but no one knew about such things back then.)
ReplyDeleteLinda
Linda: That certainly complicates things if your mother is a chronic liar! I doubt the story about your massive weight loss as a newborn. I've never heard of such a thing.
DeleteGenerally speaking people get worried if a baby loses 10% of birth weight and babies are still often kept in hospital until they recover their birth weight. I suspect it's a true story.
DeleteKylie, thanks for that.
DeleteWell a newborn can lose up to 10% of his birth weight and sometimes more.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Hannah: Is that so? I had no idea. Why does that happen?
DeleteBabies in the uterus have all their needs met. Then birth is physically demanding for them and when they arrive exhausted they have to work hard to eat and digest and produce their own heat. It's all very energy intensive and they are new to it so they're not really efficient. So, they lose weight.
DeleteThere can also be weight loss if mother has had drugs and fluids in labour. Baby will be artificially heavy and will lose weight as they shed fluids
Exactly what a clear explanation.
DeleteHannah
Kylie: Thanks for that. That explains it very clearly. I'd never thought what an effort it must be for a baby to start eating and digesting.
DeleteHannah: Kylie knows these things because she's a very experienced doula.
DeleteI'm not sure how much being a Navy hospital might have had to do with it as well. Military hospitals were known for not keeping new mothers as long as civilian hospitals did back then.
DeleteLinda
Linda: An interesting possibility.
DeleteAnonymous Fly. I can remember first going to school and refusing to play in a sand pit so I must have been four years old then, but no further back.
ReplyDeleteFly: I think sometimes people "remember" what was actually told them by someone else. But you have a very clear memory of the sandpit refusal.
DeleteThat's why I know my memory at age two is mine--no one else in my family remembers it yet they try to tell me I must remember a happening about the same time that I do not.
DeleteLinda
Linda: Good point.
DeleteI had an impeccable memory to about age 60, when a series of very serious head injuries wiped whole categories of memories.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Yes, that was a very unfortunate turn of events.
DeleteThe science says that ALL memory is unreliable. It might be missing things or have inaccurate additions. It might be our own or what we are told.
ReplyDeleteKylie: In that case, I'm glad to know that other people might have unreliable memories, even if they claim their memories are 100 per cent accurate!
DeleteBeatrice says "First, a belated Welcome to 2024 which I hope will be a good one for you and Jenny (and all of us).
ReplyDeleteYou have raised a good point here, Nick, as always, and like yourself it seemed years ago to apply mainly to heterosexual couples and possibly still does with many folks. My personal opinion is that if a couple (no matter what sexes) are happy together and raising a family (or not) then it is no one else's concern."
Beatrice: Absolutely, if a couple are happy together and/or are good parents, that's all that matters. Who cares about "family values", whatever they may be.
DeleteI’ve read that a lot of childhood memories are really just memories of photographs you’ve seen of the event or stories told to you.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: Yes, memories of photographs could easily be turned into personal memories. Likewise stories we've heard.
DeleteBijoux: Or supposed memories could be based on dreams or movie scenes. On just about anything we come in contact with.
DeleteI kept a diary from the time I was 9 until I was an adult. I wrote so much stuff down so I know things that I remember are true. Plus my brother and I talk about stuff a lot since we did a lot of therapy together.
ReplyDeleteMary: I guess diaries don't lie (or at least only a little bit) so it ought to confirm your memories. And yes, doing therapy together must also have confirmed a lot of things.
DeleteI am terrible with dates but I do remember several events. Due to them being so traumatic they remain clear. Some I wish I could forget. The insignificant stuff just didn't make it to my memory bank. It was the things that made an impact. The events that made me the way I am that I truly remember.
ReplyDeletePaula: Yes, traumatic events do tend to stick in the mind. And it's not surprising that you'd rather not remember some of them. Memory works in mysterious ways.
Delete