What I've realised as I get older is that things that seemed very easy when I was young are actually much harder than they look. I was simply too ignorant to be aware of the complexities.
- Like pregnancy. I always wondered why new mothers were congratulated. Surely giving birth was a doddle, something any woman could do in her sleep. I was totally unaware of all the possible obstacles - infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancies, birth defects. I gradually realised congratulations are quite justified, given all the possible pitfalls.
- Like grief. I used to think grief was something very temporary, a short period of anguish that soon gave way to a calmer outlook. It took me a while to realise grief can be quite overwhelming, deeply traumatic and can last for months, years, or even an entire lifetime. It can't just be "shaken off" like a winter cold.
- Like divorce. Why all the fuss? A couple don't get on any more, so they split up and go their separate ways. All very straightforward. It gradually dawned on me that it can be immensely painful not only for the couple themselves but for any children they have. The sense of failure and inadequacy and guilt can be huge.
- Like moving house. You just buy a house and move in, right? Certainly that's how I saw the family's move when I was 13. I was blithely unaware of the buying process, all the preparations for moving, and then the whole settling in palaver. I suppose partly because I was at school, and partly because I didn't have to do any of the donkey work. It was only when Jenny and I bought our first flat that we realised what a nightmare the whole process is.
If it looks easy, it probably isn't.
It does not have to be only the things that you have listed. At the age of 79 I find doing ordinary things difficult now that used to be cake walks just a few years ago!
ReplyDeleteRamana: I'm finding the same. My energy levels just aren't what they used to be.
DeleteWell, I went through 4 pregnancies and I had heard horror stories growing up, so it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Lost my grandmothers when I was a teen and to this day, I cry thinking about them. Had plenty of friends with divorced parents. Moved 6 times in my 20’s. For me, the hardest thing as an adult is trying to manage parents’ dementia. Never saw that coming.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: I was bemused by my mum's increasing dementia. I was so used to her being bright and chirpy that it was very sad when she gradually became more and more passive and unresponsive.
DeleteYou neglected the often horrific process of labour when giving birth. Something I will never forget. The last thing I ever needed was congratulations. I needed a huge medal and lots of help.
ReplyDeleteGrief has been something I live with, and continue to live with as the years go by. It has no pattern, no path, and everyone is different.
XO
WWW
www: I guess I omitted labour because it wasn't so much a "pitfall" as the often long and painful ordeal that birth involves. But I think it was many years before I realised just how long drawn-out labour could be. I thought the baby would pop out in a few minutes!
DeleteYeah, I know what you mean - like I used to be impatient with my parents over their aches and pains - and now I have my own aches and pains to be impatient with! With age comes understanding.
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Ms Scarlet: Funny, I wasn't impatient with my parents over their aches and pains. I was more impatient with the poor schooling choices they inflicted on me!
DeleteYour thoughts on divorce was kind Nick thank u
ReplyDeleteJohn: I wasn't thinking specifically of you when I wrote that, but of course it very much applies to your situation. Likewise what I said about grief.
DeleteWe grow, we learn, we ripen on the vine.
ReplyDeleteColette: Indeed. As you say, we ripen on the vine.
DeleteMy mother's life becomes more real to me as I reach and surpass her years on earth. I am so happy she is not here to hear me whining.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Yes, my own mum wouldn't have put up with me whining. She'd just say "pull yourself together" or words to that effect.
DeleteYes, all of those things are harder when you're an adult. You just don't realize how hard they are as a kid.
ReplyDeleteMary: Children see everything in very simplistic terms. It's only as adults that they realise things are a lot more complicated.
DeleteI remember thinking about war since WWII occurred during my childhood. I recall hearing that so many soldiers on all sides didn't want to fight, maim or kill one another, much less destroy towns and civilians even if by accident. I thought, if everyone just put down their guns and refused to fight then we could resolve that problem. Of course, that's still true but not likely to happen any time soon.
ReplyDeleteJoared: I know, it's only because so many people are prepared to join the forces, and prepared to risk life and limb for some dubious cause like gaining territory, that wars still go on. Why don't they just say "I want no part of this"?
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