Surely I could only be smug if I'm one of those people who's convinced everything I've achieved in life is through my own efforts, and I owe nothing to anyone else. And if other people aren't as fortunate, that's entirely due to their personal failings.
All of which is patently absurd. Because I'm acutely aware that whatever I've achieved is only very partly through my own efforts. It's mostly down to all sorts of other things I had no say in - the country I live in, my family, my education, my physical and mental health, people I ran into, sudden unexpected opportunities. And the most important factor - a lot of good luck.
I got my first bookselling job because the bookshop concerned had just sacked six employees for misconduct (being drunk in the shop) and they needed six new employees in a hurry.
Jenny and I were able to buy a large detached house because of constantly rising property prices which worked to our advantage. When we met, Jenny had one room in a shared house and I was living in a tiny bedsit.
I landed several jobs because of my good command of English - which goes back to a brilliant English teacher at my prep school.
And of course the biggest bit of luck was meeting Jenny. We've achieved so much together that we couldn't have managed on our own.
So no, I'm not smug. On the contrary, I still doubt myself in all sorts of ways and never believe I'm as intelligent and capable as others seem to think. I always feel as if I'm fumbling my way through life and could come a cropper at any moment.
Good luck isn't guaranteed.
Being "smug, self-righteous, self-congratulatory" and acknowledging your "good luck" are not mutually exclusive.
ReplyDeleteI have said it before that - at least in your blog posts - you tend to set yourself apart from others. Big time. You'd never this, you'd never that. Which, automatically, comes across as not so much as constructive criticism of others as, well, I don't know, "smug"? At best a sort of running social commentary (which has its merits); though your sweeping generalizations most certainly not particularly charitable towards your fellow human beings and their follies.
Let's leave aside that, to me, the rest of your post doesn't follow what you say in your first paragraph. What caught my attention, end of that first paragraph "And I always conclude they have got me wrong".
"They got me wrong". That may be so, Nick. However, how about making an effort to make others get you "right"? Let's assume that those commenting here actually do so because they like you (perish the thought); let's assume that no one bears you ill will - and therefore, wilfully, gets you wrong. Fact is, and it's the same for everyone, we have to take some responsibility for how we come across.
Take heart, Nick. Main thing in life is knowing where you yourself stand. Which doesn't mean standing still. Flux is where it's at, gaining insights, adjusting, tweaking. Be happy with yourself that you actually do put yourself out here in the comment boxes (takes some courage) without taking the coward's way out of delete delete delete that which may not fit the blogger's agenda. Bloggers blinded by a narrow mindedness more limiting them than a horse's blinkers.
There was one last thought I meant to leave you with. Have clean forgotten now. Never mind, it'll come back to me.
U
Ursula: Well, apart from being extremely verbose (as is often the case), your comment is itself smug, self-righteous and self-congratulatory.
ReplyDeleteI called you smug years and years and years ago! About 2012, you'd written a post about education and it irritated the socks off me, so much so that I was drawn to toss out an insult - which is very rare for me. The funny thing was that you claimed not to be offended, and then I logged into Facebook where you were complaining about someone calling you smug! Honestly, Nick, we are friends on Facebook, so of course I saw it, and it made me chuckle.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, who has upset you now? I really don't know what sort of comments you expect from this post, but I agree with Ursula that you are brave to put it out here. How do you want your commenters to respond to this post?
Anyhow, I am used to you now. I know you mean no harm, and you are reaching out for something, I'm just not sure what that something is.
Sx
Look at THIS! We are going round in circles!
ReplyDeleteSx
Ms Scarlet: I must admit I enjoy these little skirmishes. So - I'm not sure what smugness you're referring to. I couldn't find the education post you mention. Am I reaching out for something? Apart from a comfortable and enjoyable life, that's about it. And yes, smugness does seem to rear its ugly head at regular intervals!
DeleteAs for commenting, all comments are welcome, as long as they're polite....
You see! Now we are getting somewhere! You enjoy a skirmish! Please can your next post be about this!
DeleteApologies for the exclamation marks. I have toothache and am slightly deranged.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: You mean a post about skirmishes? Sorry to hear your tooth problem is still troubling you.
DeleteYes! A post about how you enjoy having a skirmish!
DeleteWhy you enjoy a skirmish, and how you are secretly in love with Ursula, because she is the skirmish Queen.
Go on, go on, go on, go on!!!
Bloody tooth. I am at the end of a very long waiting list. Apologies, for taking over your comment box.
Sx
Ms Scarlet: So, a post on skirmishes. I'll see what I can do. Watch this space.
DeleteYou worry too much about what others think. And I do wonder about these topics that you perseverate on. Is it because you want agreement or an argument? I’ve never been able to figure it out.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: You're right, I do. We're all social animals, after all. Agreement or argument? I'm happy with either. The choice is yours.
DeleteAn interesting post, Nick. Often how we come across is not the intent perhaps? Privilege is often a lack of awareness of the struggles of others. Whether inherited or achieved by effort, acumen and blind luck.
ReplyDeleteBut Jaysus, I I burst out laughing at the image of the six drunken booksellers. Now there's a atory.
XO
WWW
www: Indeed, I sometimes imagine the wild alcoholic scenes. I know all about the struggles of others - as you know, my sister has had MND for 15 years and my brother in law was caring for her for many years until she went into a care home. I know a lot of people who are really battling with life and almost going under.
DeleteI admit to also enjoying an occasional skirmish. I was raised to participate in arguments. I prefer not to engage with Ursula, though, as her skirmishes are not fun to me; in my perception they are outright attacks so not enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteLinda: You're right, she's a pain in the arse. She's persona non grata with quite a few bloggers. If her comments are really offensive, I delete them.
DeleteI was also raised to engage in arguments. But as I grew older and became seriously argumentative, my father decided he would prefer someone who was a bit more deferential, and he didn't speak to me for 20 years.
The right place at the right time has aided many an enterprising person. It's nothing to be ashamed of; it's often a good story.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: Oh, I'm not ashamed of anything. But other people seem to think I should be.
DeleteI think it's interesting that sometimes people can seem smug and sure of themselves but if you really get to talk to them they really aren't.
ReplyDeleteMary: Couldn't agree more. A lot of apparent smugness is a deliberate act to hide underlying self-doubt.
DeleteThere's a saying I can't actually quote but it says something like if two people tell you something, they might have a point
ReplyDeleteKylie: Or they might just be good friends who agree with the other's opinion even if they think it's wrong.
DeleteWell, no, I think that if a character trait is ascribed to us a couple of times, we do well to listen and I think your refusal to consider my point says something
DeleteKylie: I've considered your point but I think it's flawed. The number of people who have a certain opinion is no guarantee they're correct. Thousands of people think the coronavirus doesn't exist, but that doesn't make it true.
DeleteYou donl' come across as smug to me, but as someone who has had the chance to have good things happen in their adult life and not feel the need to make hypocritical apologies for same.
ReplyDeleteFly: Thank you, very well said! That's exactly how I see it, but people consistently misunderstand me.
DeleteA healthy dose of self doubt is the best medicine to stay safe and flourish.
ReplyDeleteRamana: Indeed. Those people who are supremely self confident (or appear to be) can be very flummoxed when all of a sudden things don't go their way.
DeleteWhenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).
ReplyDelete---Mark Twain
I agree, people agreeing on a position doesn't make that idea correct.
Jean: Mark Twain was right. The majority may simply be following the current trend. They may have given no serious thought to the matter in hand.
DeleteSometimes people project character traits of their own selves on to others. Generally speaking, I don't think we can truly discern what another person is like if we only know them through their blog writings.
ReplyDeleteJoared: I think in this case people simply aren't taking on board why I don't see myself as smug. And as you say, they may be projecting their own character traits.
Delete