There's not much mention of the folk who'll be on their own at Christmas, all too conscious of the festivities going on around them and wishing they were included. It may be only one day, but when you're feeling left out, it can seem a lot longer.
Of course there may be a good reason why they're on their own. Maybe they have the sort of personalities that drive others away. Maybe their relatives live on the other side of the world. Maybe they can't stand their family and want to avoid them. But whatever the reason, it can be a miserable day for some.
When I was living on my own in London, I often spent Christmas by myself, but I didn't feel lonely. I would settle down with a good book, go for a long walk on Hampstead Heath, and work my way through a packet of mince pies. One Christmas I read The Gulag Archipelago, a strange choice for Christmas I know, but it was horribly riveting.
As I've said before, I don't often feel disconnected from other people. I feel very connected to all those with similar passions and interests - especially art, music, books and films - so the lack of connection with particular individuals doesn't bother me. If I'm in an art gallery surrounded by other people, I feel completely at home even if I don't know a single soul. In fact if someone starts talking to me, I might very well shoo them away!
But it's a shame the huge emphasis on Christmas as a rowdy, gregarious get-together only makes the lonely feel even lonelier.
We've always had low-key Christmases, even when Kaitlin was little. Now Andy and I scarcely celebrate, we like our everyday life. Would I be lonely if something happened to Andy? Sure, but it has nothing to do with Christmas.
ReplyDeleteJean: Same here, our everyday life is fine, we indulge ourselves all the time, so Christmas celebrations are a bit superfluous!
DeleteAs a child we had rowdy Christmases. As young marrieds we participated with Dave's family. Now it's mostly just the two of us and we're fine with that; no one steals the last piece of turkey or pumpkin pie when we're not looking. :)
ReplyDeleteLinda: Indeed, we can gobble up everything in sight with nobody else to snaffle anything! Just the thought of someone else stealthily grabbing the last mince pie in the house....
DeleteI generally spend a couple of minutes resenting my children and other relatives who will not invite me to their homes, then I get involved in my own life and settle in and enjoy myself.
ReplyDeleteJoanne: My father wouldn't let me into his house (my mother had no say in the matter) for some 20 years. He was a self-righteous bully.
DeleteI truly roll with whatever happens though my happiest times were serving the poor and forgotten at Xmas in Toronto, really perspective is everything. This Christmas, surprisingly, we have a few extra relatives and children so it will be an old fashioned one. Last year was just 4 of us and it was lovely we just exchanged books and I treasure the memory. It's what we make of it truly. And I've had it alone too and it was lovely.
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www: That's true, it's what you make of it. Jenny and I are happy to shut out the entire world and just have a relaxing and gluttonous day.
DeleteI can imagine that looking after the poor and forgotten was very rewarding. We have several times given money to Crisis at Christmas (Crisis is the national charity for the homeless).
Living with my son and daughter in love as well as in a city where I have many friends as well as the extended family of my daughter in love, I do not find such a problem during our festivals.
ReplyDeleteRamana: Yes, I imagine there are plenty of people coming and going at Christmas. Never a dull moment!
DeleteEven surrounded by others, it can still be a sad time, remembering those who've passed on. I've had a sad week, thinking about my Dad. Something about the holidays just brings it to light.
ReplyDeleteBijoux: I was just reading the lovely post about your dad in November last year. It sounds like he was a really nice guy. It'll be sad him not being there to share your Christmas.
DeleteMy cleaner is astonished that we have not decorated the house for Christmas and even more astonished that we like being on our own. The sheer bliss of not having to bother about what anyone else wants is a present in itself.
ReplyDeleteFly: Isn't it wonderful not having to bother about other people's expectations! But I can also understand people who like to have a big family reunion at Christmas. Each to their own.
DeleteI have been alone now far longer than the years I was married. Bob and I spent every holiday on the road. we were 'expected' to share it with his family... and his daughter who also had to be picked up then afterward delivered to two different homes... his parents and her own mother's home in another city... the mind boggles. one year we were literally SNOWED IN and it was HEAVEN! I have wondered why we never just said NO! to everyone. it was crazy.
ReplyDeletenow I don't mind being alone. I even prefer it. it's quiet. I can do what I want to do. I'm never lonely.
I love the lights and I indulge in corny wonderful Christmas movies and decadent delights! hang the calories! lol XO
Tammy: That must have been wonderful when you were snowed in and had to opt out of all the family palaver! We also indulge in corny movies at Christmas - Some Like It Hot and Casablanca are always fun.
DeleteI would never brush aside the misery of someone who is unwillingly alone at Christmas, but I do think that sometimes it can be a relief for others - if they come from a family when everyone rows or misbehaves at Christmas for instance.
ReplyDeleteJenny: It was a relief for me not going home and not being subject to my father's bad temper. But it was mean that I wasn't able to see my mum either.
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