Friday, 13 May 2011

Looping the loop

Don't we all do strange things in hotel rooms? What do you mean, you don't? No need to be bashful, it's all perfectly normal.

Just try this little quiz to find out exactly how weird and obsessive you really are.

When in a hotel room, do you:
1) Methodically empty the minibar, even the most queasy and expensive items?
2) Steal all the freebies, including that really pongy soap and shampoo?
3) Write silly comments on the back of the pictures?
4) Disinfect all the bathroom surfaces before using them?
5) Look for creepy-crawlies under the bed?
6) Cover up all the mirrors?
7) Avoid making a mess in case the chambermaid complains?
8) Read every word of the fire instructions?
9) Sleep on a chair if the bed looks unsavoury?
10) Talk to your imaginary friend?
11) Hide your sex toys at the bottom of your suitcase?
12) Check for concealed microphones?

What your "Yes" score says about you:
13: You've miscounted.
9-12: You're stark raving bonkers. Consider suicide.
5-8: You're moderately bonkers. Consider therapy.
1-4: You're losing the plot. Consider a good long rest.
0: Pull the other one.

Not that any of these traits apply to me, of course. As you know, I'm just a no-nonsense, level-headed sort of guy. Or so my imaginary friends tell me.

28 comments:

Grannymar said...

I'm not telling you what I get up to in hotel rooms.... you would only tell everyone in cyberspace! ;)

Nick said...

Grannymar - The mind boggles! We all know about that long queue of toyboys....

Wisewebwoman said...

seriously, Nick, 0!!!!
XO
WWW

nursemyra said...

I don't steal the freebies, I take them home.

Baino said...

Er having just spend a few days in not too shabby hotels, yes, I have a lot of little bottles of useless body wash and shampoo. Sex toys in the suitcase? Nah, just took a toy boy along.

secret agent woman said...

Only 1, and that only if you consider taking the shampoo that is supplied to you as part of what you pay for to be "stealing." I have no idea what pongy is, but I don't take the toiletries unless I like them. I clean up after myself but not out of fear of what housekeeping will think but because I'm a civilized person. And all the rest, no. Some of those items are incomprehensible to me.

Leah said...

Okay...yes...I disinfect the tv remote. Isn't that the germiest item in a hotel room? lol

Macy said...

After the great mini bar disaster of 2005, I stick to B&B's run by Christian fundamentalists wherever possible...

Nick said...

W3 - Seriously, people never confess to their strange behaviour in hotel rooms.

Myra - Are they freebies or do they belong to the hotel? The jury is still out.

Baino - The quantity of hotel cosmetics going through the average airport must be colossal.

Scarlet Blue said...

Erm... I do 7,8 and 12... I often wonder what it would be like to be on Big Brother; I am naturally tidy and I always like to know how to make a quick exit in an emergency.
Sx

Nick said...

Secret Agent - Pongy must be a British word, it means very smelly, usually unpleasantly smelly. Some of the items are incomprehensible? Do you mean literally or psychologically?

Leah - So I've read. I guess most things in a hotel room are crawling with germs. But 99% of them are harmless.

Macy - Very sensible. They'll save you from your evil impulses.

Nick said...

Scarlet - I couldn't possibly be on Big Brother, I'd be cringing with self-consciousness. Quick exits can be handy, especially when the paparazzi are in hot pursuit.

Nick said...

I do actually know of someone who slept on a chair because she didn't like the look of the bed. But I'm not naming names. She can confess if she wishes.

Liz said...

Hey, I'm reasonably normal by that count!

Nick said...

Liz - You're obviously a no-nonsense, level-headed sort of person!

Rummuser said...

Nick, before I retired, I spent more time in hotel rooms than at home and so, I can vouch for the accuracy of some of the things that people do in hotel rooms. Not that I did, because all I wanted to do whenever in the room was to sleep and get ready for work the next day.

Nick said...

Ramana - Sounds like you witnessed some pretty odd goings-on! People's private behaviour can be very different from the way they behave in public.

Suburbia said...

Can't say yes to many of those! Do people really write silly things on the back of pictures?! I must be so boring!

Nick said...

Suburbia - Well, you're obviously a fairly level-headed sort of person as well. No idea if people write on the back of pictures - I made that up! But you know what they say - if something's possible, someone somewhere has done it.

wendy house said...

some of the things I like doing in hotel rooms are
- eat biscuits in bed
- sleep across the bed and totally mess the bedding up
- phone room service and chat to the people on the switchboard
- wander around naked with the curtains open
Alas, according to your survey (and a few friends) I am loosing the plot...

Nick said...

Wendy - Ah, someone who admits to a few unconventional habits! Though I can't quite believe you wander round naked with the curtains open. That must bring you a bit of attention.....

Quickroute said...

I like to live out my Rock Star fantasy so I always trash the hotel room....and then I wake up

blackwatertown said...

@ Baino - wonder how she could fit any clothes in with the toyboy stuffed in her suitcase.
Me? Yeah - do the finding the fire escape thing & the back door. Next thing is to find a decent bar, because the hotel one won't be.
Found a deadly looking (fake I suspect) diamond cluster ring down the side of the minibar fridge in a hotel room recently. Wasn't sure whether it was genuinely lost - or a plant to entrap cleaning staff. I know. I do have a suspicious (but at the same time innocent) mind.

Nick said...

Quickie - And does the dream include bedding a few groupies?

Blackwater - It must have been fake if someone left it behind and didn't ask if they'd found it. Or if the cleaner didn't bother to nick it.

secret agent woman said...

Literally, I guess. Who covers up a mirror and why? And why also would anyone write something on the back of a hotel picture? And imaginary friend? For an adult? And finally, I don't do the whole sex toy thing, but if I did, why would I care where in my suitcase they were?

Nick said...

Secret Agent - I think you're assuming people are a lot more normal than they really are. Surprising in your profession! I've read of people covering up mirrors because they don't want to keep looking at themselves. Ditto hygiene freaks who disinfect every surface. I couldn't vouch for all the rest though, obviously I used a bit of literary licence!

secret agent woman said...

Huh. I guess I see the mirrors as a bonus.

Nick said...

Secret Agent - That's because you look pretty good and you know it!