Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Here be aliens

The tiny village of Bugarach in southern France used to be a quiet, tranquil spot. Not any more. It's being overrun by UFO watchers who think extraterrestrials are living under the nearby mountain.

They think that come Doomsday on December 21, 2012 the aliens will emerge and take a handful of surviving humans to another planet. Naturally they want to be one of the lucky few.

Now the 189 locals, instead of enjoying calm country walks, are being confronted by New Agers meditating and praying, taking courses in mysticism and planting sacred objects on the mountainside.

The visitors are also buying up houses at inflated prices the villagers themselves can't afford. They want to be first in the queue when the rescue craft flee Armageddon.

It's amazing how an utterly dotty idea, tossed out by some nutcase in an obscure corner of cyberspace or the media, is taken up by thousands of people to become a bona fide belief that displaces sober reality.

One man claims he "heard the humming of their spacecraft under the mountain." There again, it might just have been an acute case of tinnitus. Or too many recreational drugs. Or the local choir rehearsing.

Perhaps the villagers should invent some stories of their own to take the heat off Bugarach. Extraterrestrials in Bugarach? Whatever gave you that idea? No no, they all live at Campradón, 50 miles to the south. Mind you, I heard they'd already gone back to Planet Zog, they thought Doomsday was too scary.

If you repeat a bit of gobbledegook often enough, people will start to believe it, however outlandish or nonsensical. Didn't you know the moon is made of green cheese? I had a piece the other day, totally delicious, like camembert with a hint of toenail and a trace of woodworm....

Pic: The mayor of Bugarach, Jean-Pierre Delord, on the outskirts of the village

31 comments:

Roses said...

Oh dear God. People really have taken leave of their senses.

Far too much money and time on their hands.

nick said...

Roses - Stark raving bonkers, as they say. What did the good people of Bugarach do to deserve this idiocy?

Grannymar said...

As my late Mother-in Law was known for saying - There's nowt sae queer as folk!

Baino said...

Well I'm late as usual. It's December 23 and well . . .no aliens. There's gonna be a lot of disappointed home owners in that little part of the world. I know Christmas brings out some weird emotions but this one takes the cake.

Nick said...

Grannymar - There's nowt sae queer as people who start believing in little green men from another planet.

Baino - This is 2012 we're talking about, so there's another two years of deluded anticipation! The only aliens are the ones who're slashing at our public services....

nursemyra said...

I'd love to be able to buy a house in a French village... maybe not that one though

Nick said...

Myra - Who would want a house in a village besieged by UFO watchers and Doomsday advocates?

Quickroute said...

they should rename it Bugaroff - might dissuade the press. Happy Holidays my friend.

Nick said...

Quickie - Excellent idea! Except that it doesn't sound French any more, it sounds German or Russian....

Eryl said...

Good greif!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I hadn't heard about this one before. The saddest aspect of it all is not the massive stupidity, but the fact that they have ruined a peaceful little town and made it unaffordable for its natives.

Incidentally, the name "Bugarach" sounds German, not French. Or maybe it's British slang for "bugger off?"

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Oh, that's been covered already. I didn't read the other comments before offering mine.

Wisewebwoman said...

As if any ETs would even come near this toxic crazy dump of a planet.
LOL
XO
WWW

Nick said...

Eryl - Good grief indeed! Beam me up, Scotty!

Heart - Exactly, these cretins have ruined a quiet little village with their selfish ravings. Bugaroff would be most appropriate. It could be twinned with the Russian town Getlostt.

www - Very true. If there are such things as extraterrestrials, they'd take one look at our fume-belching factories and devastated war zones and run the other way fast.

rummuser said...

Just goes to show that wishful thinking and belief in miracles continue to thrive!

Nick said...

Ramana - Good to see you again! Indeed, a belief in miracles - everyone else will be obliterated but they will miraculously escape in the alien jumbo-jet.

Roses said...

It's not that I don't believe in life on other planets. I just think if it's intelligent life, it's not really going to want to have a lot to do with us Earthlings.

Nick said...

Roses - My sentiments entirely. Why would they want to mix with planet earth's low-life? Somewhere in this colossal universe there must be a society 100 times more advanced than our own.

Suburbia said...

Why do I always assume people are blessed with common sense?! Weird!

Nick said...

Suburbia - They obviously left their common sense on the bus and never realised.

kylie said...

i'm a sex goddess and if you give me all your money you will be blessed forever.
i'm a sex goddess and if you give me all your money you will be blessed forever.
i'm a sex goddess and if you give me all your money you will be blessed forever.
i'm a sex goddess and if you give me all your money you will be blessed forever.
i'm a sex goddess and if you give me all your money you will be blessed forever.

convinced yet?

Nick said...

Kylie - You are an alien and if I give you all my money I will be up shit creek. My bank will no longer be so friendly and welcoming.

In any case, I have a sex goddess ready and waiting already.

Scarlet Blue said...

Careful, Nick... please don't tell everyone about the moon cheese I was trying to save some for Boxing Day.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!
SXXXXXX

Nick said...

Scarlet - Sorry, I've eaten most of it. There may be a few little chunks left in the fridge, I'll look them out and ask my butler to drive them over. I'll expect him back promptly, no hanky panky chez Scarlet.

Los Angelista said...

Notice how the wackos never pick somewhere no one wants to live-like Iceland-as the spot where everything's going to go down! They always pick the cute, rustic French villages. Same with how the Da Vinci Code ruined that village Rennes-le-Chateau.

Nick said...

Liz - Yes, funny how the more inhospitable spots are not mentioned. I've never heard of any UFO rescue craft in Siberia....

Not being a Da Vinci Code fan, I didn't know about Rennes-le-Chateau. Beware strange writers showing a keen interest in your picturesque village....

Macy said...

Pushing up house prices.... WHY have no aliens been spotted around Cheesetown??
Merry {belated} Christmas Nick!

Nick said...

Macy - Rising house prices, now there's a thought. I've heard that aliens with rescue craft are living in burrows under the Stormont estate. Houses in this part of East Belfast could be very handy....

Merry Christmas to you too!

Terra Shield said...

So what if it's doomsday? I'd rather die with everyone else than be alive all by myself with aliens and nutters!

tattytiara said...

Of course if people had started believing it a couple thousand years ago and had a voting majority in at least a few politically relevant places, we'd be preaching tolerance for their beliefs however unlikely and unsubstantiated they might be, wouldn't we?

Nick said...

Terra - I think I agree with you. On the other hand, if the aliens were ultra-civilised and excellent company, it might be tempting to tag along.

Tattytiara - Long time no see! Good point. Substitute Christianity or Islam for "deranged beliefs of a few UFO buffs" and suddenly everything's respectable, no matter how loopy.